Paul Scholes has turned down Fabio Capello's offer to return to international football and play, once again, for England. Scholes retired from international football in 2004 with 66 caps
After throwing a tantrum, Fabio calmed down and put on his thinking cap. He has come up with a brilliant idea. He is set to break with tradition and add an absolute 'unknown' to the provisional squad of 30.
He is holding 'tryouts' after the style of Britain's Got Talent, but for footballers only. Any male between the ages of 18 and 34 may tryout.
The winner will be decided upon by viewer phone-in votes. The applicants will first appear before a panel of 3 judges to determine who will be in the final 3.
Judges are to be:
Susan Boyle, 'Spoof Writer' - Lady Godiva, and Anthony Cotton (Coronation Street's 'Sean')
"After all," said Capello, "we do want someone 'fit' on the team to keep the ladies rooting for us. This panel of 3 are experts on 'eye candy' I'm told, and so I am relying on them to come up with a fantastic shortlist for the public to vote on.
Some of our team players are 'getting on a bit' and some are 'looking a bit worse for wear', if you know what I mean."
Time is of the essence as Scholes' replacement is sought.
