Beatles Re-Release Their Catalog of Re-Remastered Albums

Funny story written by Vondrook

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

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For the 4th time since the compact disc's inception into mainstream culture, the entire Beatles catalogue has been re-mastered; this time into a sleeker black box.

"Finally," said Herb Thurman, a 56 year old Beatles fan, "Finally, the corporate drones re-release the already re-mastered music to the masses."

The Beatles are no strangers to the compact disc era. Their music was first introduced into compact disc form in 1987, in which critics applauded the fact that their already mainstream musical styling had transcended into mainstream culture.

In 1995, The Beatles Anthology was released in a nice looking box, and music execs claimed that the 1987 individual album releases were a waste of money when compared to the awesome re-mastering of the entire box set that featured a photocopied autograph of Yoko Ono. "The autograph alone makes the other releases obsolete," it said on the box.

In 1998, with the introduction of "better technology," each individual album was re-mastered and re-released to the public, claiming that each album, from Please Please Me, to Let It Be, had individual focus on each album instead of just re-mastering all of The Beatles songs at once. "You will notice the concentration and hard work put into each individual album," it boasted. Music execs also claimed that one of the albums had never-before-heard audio on one of the tracks, but they refused to say which, pushing all hardcore Beatles fans to re-re-buy each individual album. It turns out that the never-before-heard audio was a gentle foot-tapping before the song, "Norwegian Wood," off of Rubber Soul. Many speculated that it was John's foot that did the tapping. No one can be sure.

Now, for their fourth re-mastering, The Beatles Anthology is released; sleeker and more refined than its predecessors. Paul McCartney is proud of the latest release. He was quoted as saying, "What? Another one? Seriously?"

Ringo could not be reached for comment, but was reportedly waiting by the mailbox for his royalty checks.

Also, Beatles Rock Band is due to release tomorrow, with a re-mastered version slated to be released next Tuesday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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