Subo gets Computer lessons
It's true. Susan Boyle has been offered free computer lessons by a young man in Scotland. His name is Callum and he is a computer 'geek' whose mother is a Subo fan, but not a member of the Red Scarf Brigade. She is also a writer for this GREAT...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Planning Risky Accent Surgery
It was confirmed today that Cheryl Cole was planning to go ahead with experimental accent surgery. The singer is keen to get rid of her 'Geordie Wag' persona after splitting up with Ashley (I'm not Bisexual) Cole last month. The surgery is planned...
Read full storyThe misuse of jugs
There has been a lot of coverage of jug abuse lately (well, that's what I thought the newsreader said) so I thought I would make a definitive list of the ways people misuse jugs. The misuse of jugs by Rob Barratt Vase Ostrich-sized egg cup Generously optimistic receptacle for urine sample Home for giant's false teeth Remove base to use as a megaphone Storage for used chip fat Potty...
Read full storyGod Indicted on Child Abuse Charge
God was indicted today in British Court on seven billion counts of abuse, neglect, and abandonment stemming from the horrific recent developments in Iraq, Afghanistan, New Orleans, Haiti, and Durham City. The action was a direct result of the Premier...
Read full storyJesse Jackson Favorite To Win 'The Obama Award'
Jesse Jackson is the early favorite to win this year's first Obama Award, named after President Barack Obama, who is perfect in every way. Jesse recently moved up a notch over Bill Clinton when he stated, "President Obama's shit don't stink. It sm...
Read full storyElton John and Cheryl Cole Agree To Open Up An Exotically Erotic Restaurant In Soho
SOHO, England - Sir Elton John and Cheryl Cole, have stated that they will be opening up an exotically exotic restaurant in downtown Soho hopefully by summertime. Sir Elton said that he and Cheryl have talked about it for the past year. But they h...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja's Mini-Memoir On War
I was ten-years-old when WWII started so I grew up with war movies and propaganda that made it look cool if you were a ten-year-old idiot. I figured I'd join the Marines and be a hero like John Wayne but the war ended before I could sign up. Unwilling to wait longer, I quit school at sixteen (a step ahead of the expulsion squad) in '48 and joined the Marines to see the world. So they sent my...
Read full storyIt's all Sandra Bullock's fault for marrying a cowboy...
Hollywood - (Tombstone): "Could have been just as tacky if the guy was called Billy the Kid or Frank McLaury," the editor of LA FagHagSlagMag commented today as 2010 Razzie winner Sandra Bollock (sic) faced the press amid reports of her husband Jesse...
Read full storyWorlds smallest man dies after attempting to have sex on a bar stool!
The worlds smallest man, 21 inches and Chinese, has had a fatal accident after being approached by a kinky, lon-legged beauty at a pole-dancing venue in downtown Rotherham, UK, after being presented with a pint of Guiness in honour of his record.
Read full storyGas! Bloating! Diarrhea! Epidemic Hits DC
The Center for Politics and the Media is reporting today that there has been a significant increase in the cases of Gas, Bloating, and Diarrhea in the nation's capital. While these ailments have always been prevalent in the nations capital as well as...
Read full storyDoll Manufacturer Adds New "Tickle Me Massa" Doll to 2010 Line
The proud folks that have brought the world such doll world stalwarts as Jihad Barbie, Suicide Ken and the Cabbage Patch Terrorists announced from their headquarters in El Segundo California the roll out of a new product which its board of directors...
Read full storyPlayboy TV targets new audiences in the US and the world, KIDDIES TV and they love it!
Playboy TV, adult channel and porn experts are attempting to target new audiences, kiddies channels in the US and eventually, the rest of the world. They have tested the US response by sending out preview clips on two kiddies channels and the resp...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi's Taxidermist Has License Revoked
The California Board of Taxidermy announced today that the license of Dr. Emanuel Foreskin has been permanently revoked. The Board Certified taxidermist who first transformed the career of Speaker of the House, Congresswomen Nancy Pelosi by making h...
Read full storyBin Laden retires; enters preisthood
Osama Bin Laden, the former terrorist, announced his retirement and subsequent acceptance for priesthood in the Catholic Church. Encouraged by the fact that the world considered the 911 attack a hoax Father Laden completed the conversion with a press...
Read full storyElvis Presley Haunted House Up For Sale Again!
For the third time this year, the house with the Elvis Presley ghost is up for sale. No, it's not the big house in Graceland. Plus it's not any one house. A couple of con artists have been caught after selling at least twenty other versions of...
Read full storyAll monkeys (male or female) enjoy watching human females undress rather than males!
Scientists observing monkeys have discovered that they enjoy watching human females undress rather than males! In fact they tend to become highly aroused as human females pole-danced and stripped in front of them whereby when human males did a "Fu...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Marriage? Ask "Werewolf" Chaske Spencer
Actor Chaske of the Twilight series is a rare one. He doesn't mind talking to the press and will usually stop for a few words even if the questions are about his fellow actors instead of himself. "Yeah, most questions I get are about Robert &...
Read full storyLeft-Wing Pro-Abortion Mediums Unveil Preance
A few radical left-wing mediums have responded to a tactic favored by conservatives, where they claim to be the voice of innocent babies who cannot speak for themselves. Borrowing from the magic of the seance that allows communication with people...
Read full storyThe Jedward Lads Singing Has Fallen Flat - Their Record Label Drops Them Quicker Than Winehouse Drops Her Knickers
LONDON - The X-Factor Twins, John and Edward, aka Jedward are having quite a rough time in the music business. The lads from Scotland have just been dropped by their record label, Sunday Records. It appears that their last song, "Under Pressing Pr...
Read full storyAmerican Idol: Michael "Big Mike" Lynche Is Bigger, Better, and Not As Sweaty As Ruben Studdard
HOLLYWOOD - Florida native Michael Lynche is probably the strongest singing contestant to ever appear on American Idol. And by strong, I do not mean voice wise, I mean strength wise. In a commercial for American Idol, Lynche is shown lifting up Cr...
Read full storyMargaret Thatcher has a rant at Hairbrush David Cameron
The Iron Lady is reported to be comfortable, in her incontinence pants, but confused at home. She can hardly string two words together and has become agitated by the "Heel of the Becks" story unfolding. In her lucid moments she asks repeatedly, "...
Read full storyJohn Terry car prang: no golf clubs, hedges, trees, fire hydrants or prescription meds involved!
London - (4X4 Mess): Was something - or someone? - on John Terry's mind last night when he accidentally ran over a Stamford Bridge security guard while enroute home to Surrey? Tabloid pics today show ashen-faced wife Toni gobsmacked as her Chelsea...
Read full storyEnd of the World is Still Nigh (not according to atheists)
Terrified 'believers' are calling for a recall of ALL TRUMPETS since hearing about Ron Weinland's prophecy. Seven Trumpets are to be heard heralding the end of the world. Too late for the first one, which apparently was sounded in 2008. I didn't...
Read full storyBrown Banking On Argentine War To Win Election
British Premier Gordon Brown is banking on Argentina invading the Falkland Islands prior to any election - thus ensuring a victory for Labour after Britain responds with Nuclear Weapons. Brown along with MoD Top Brass has hatched up a plan that in...
Read full storyLady Gaga: 'Madussa' Over The Hill, Her Hills Are Near Her Navel
In an article just released by our sister tabloid, 'The Tail's Trail', Lady Gaga blew everyone away by her comments when asked about 'Madussa'. "Oh, you mean Old Slack Teats? Why she wants to display herself is her business but she has very little...
Read full storyLos Angeles: Parking lots being destroyed by mysterious rodent
Gophers, those pesky lawn demolishers, are turning up in unexpected places. And they don't look right. Biologist Dr. Harvey Ground-Sloth Banks, chief biologist at the LaBrea Tar Pits National Park, announced today that the critters destroying p...
Read full storyNew book says you're fat
Noam Chomsky introduced his new book today at a gathering at the neighborhood Why Not market. Chomsky opened the talk with "Why not the Why Not?" and further described the market is where words are evolving daily. Here where a large means a sma...
Read full storyNew Photos Of Obama Reveal Chubby Little Irish O'Bama
Grinning cherubically at the camera, this is Seamus Brian O'Bama, the angelic little angel who went on to become America's first true black Irish president. The revealing snaps taken at a St Patrick's Day party in Tipperary 40 years ago were relea...
Read full storyWhat Katie Did
Cheltenham racecourse today,the National Hunt Chase was won by Poker de Sivola, brilliantly ridden by Katie Walsh who steered the horse to victory at 14-1. Katie is the sister of top Jump Jockey Ruby Walsh regarded by many as the best jump jockey...
Read full storyJohn Terry - True sportsman
John Terry answered his critics last night with a sterling show of sportsmanship following Chelsea's Champions League exit. English hearts once again swelled with pride as the role model insisted on voraciously congratulating all four match offici...
Read full storyWhitewash suspected in James Bulger $500 million art heist
Boston - (Impressionist Mess): Fugitive Boston gang leader James 'Whitey' Bulger's involvement in a daring 1990 art robbery has been branded a whitewash following the discovery of a 100 gallon drum of distemper concealed in the art gallery's laundry.
Read full storyUK drug problem worse than ever
The controlled drug problem facing UK Police is getting steadily worse says a spokesperson. "We are seeing an average of one new drug a week hitting the towns and cities and we believe farmers are to blame!" When we asked for evidence to support his...
Read full storyBad Boy Tiger plays St Andrews
Freed from their sex therapy clinic near St Andrews, Scotland the bad boys, Terry, Cole, Wood and Owens are having a rare day out at the home of golf, St Andrews. Things did not begin well as Tiger was banned from the posh locker room by the up th...
Read full storyAppendage divestation and genderless rights recognised
The news that the worlds first genderless person has been recognised by Australian authorities has been welcomed by an international gender charity. The gender charity is fulfilling an important social function in providing comfort, support and re...
Read full storyMoustache Stan's in Pakistan reveal Mustachio connection in Clint Eastwood Kidnap Oldham Chapatti Curry Shocker.
It was a proud day for BBC London News, as they repeatedly reported on the fruitless news story of the 'inside Job' of the kidnapped Oldham boy, Suneel Hassaq. British born Oldham child citizen Suneel , who was kidnapped by his father's broth...
Read full storyIrishman involved in car crash write off
Irishman Cillian Murphy known to friends and family as Silly was on his way back to Dublin for St Patricks Day, when unfortunately he was involved in a serious car crash when a woman driver drove out in front of him. Amazingly although the cars we...
Read full storyKatie Price: Kids Want To Be Like Me
Britain's busty orange beacon, Katie Price, has exclusively revealed her latest venture into the children's toy market. The range, will be branded as KP:GU, an acronym for Katie Price: Grow Up, and is expected to revolutionise the way the next genera...
Read full storyAgency workers charged with manslaughter
Four agency workers in the West Midlands have been charged with manslaughter after an employee at a recruitment agency committed suicide. It appears that the four temporary members of staff were the final straw in what was a particularly bad day...
Read full storyHeather Mills Takes Over Becks Rehab Says: He'll Definitely Be Ready for Cup!
The world's richest one legged Tango dancer and Ice Folly performer, Heather Mills, has taken over the rehabilitation of one legged soccer player David Beckham. Beckham, crestfallen, in deep depression and sobbing uncontrollably was ruled out of...
Read full storyBranston done for only employing Virgins
Sir Richie Branston has been fined by the European courts after investigations found that he was discriminating against potential employees as his unwritten policy was to only employee virgins. This information was leaked after an employee who w...
Read full storyPlanes, Trains and Automobiles
Fears were confirmed today when it was announced petrol prices were set to soar to a record 120p a litre. The UK pubic united in a collective "Bollocks to that!" Gordon Brown was quick to try and allay the public's concerns stating, "There is...
Read full storyBird charity informer blows the lid on decades of bird slaughter
An informer who broke ranks with a highly respected bird charity has been revealing the dark secrets of how the organisation covertly slaughtered millions of birds it was supposed to be protecting. According to Joey Calipso, the charity lost its w...
Read full storyPoor Tiger, his names's to blame.
Tiger's gone weeping home again with what's left of his tail, between his legs. His wife has accepted his apology and says she'll be keeping him on a short leash when she eventually lets him out of the doghouse. Having successfully completed trea...
Read full storyUK - change in law: When murder is legal
The house of commons have today passed 4 circumstances in the UK where "murder" is legal. It has been deemed that these 4 circumstances warrant the murder charge being completely dropped and a pat on the back issued instead. The four scenarios are: 1: As a motorist stuck behind a fellow driver who is incapable of reaching the speed limit when there is no traffic in front of them, the...
Read full story'Thailand for Sex' opens on Broadway
Play Review Staring Mathew Broderick, Nathan Lane, Seth Rogun, Daniel Radcliffe. A fantastic ride, Marx Brothers like. Grab your seat as Thailand for Sex actors dance, sing, and laugh their way to a smash hit. Four lonesome and mostly broke bachelors devise plan to go to Thailand for love. One of the lonely boys gets a job on a Singapore Container Vessel, that stops in Bangkok, by impe...
Read full storyKatie Stevens Has "Never Actually Been Dragged Away by Wild Horses," Says Kara DioGuardi
LOS ANGELES, California - One of the most lackluster Top 12 groups in America's Got Idols history had to face the legendary Rolling Stones' songbook Tuesday night, but Kara DioGuardi continued to demonstrate an unwillingness to cut younger performers...
Read full storyHull City Name Shrek As New Manager
Hull City are expected to unveil the former Disney Pixar star Shrek as their new manager on Wednesday, the Spoof understands. The former star of Shrek, Shrek 2 and Shrek the Third had talks with Hull chairman Adam Pearson on Monday after Phil Brow...
Read full storyCoup d'etat in Antarctica
In a real life James Bond Adventure a well-equipped and heavily armed group landed on a giant iceberg, which recently broke away from Antarctica, and declared that the iceberg was now the sovereign nation of Iceonia. The local population of Peng...
Read full storySiberia: Surfers head to World's Biggest Wave Competition
The surf is up in Kamchatka with mile long sixty-foot curls - The worlds surf alert has been sent to the extreme surf community for big ones in Siberia and for the next 72 hours the phenomenal waves will provide life threatening thrills for surf nut...
Read full storyOsama Corpse Hauled Out For Yet Another Al Queda Video
Al Queda has brought their 'El Cid' out into the fresh air again to renew belief in their cause and to yank the West's chain. According to news sources Osama bin Laden has made a new video praising the Nigerian who tried to take down a US airplane wi...
Read full storyOsama Bin Ladin Found Living in Mansion Next to George W Bush
Dallas, TX - Just another day in the retired life of George W. Bush Jr. He and his security agents had just returned from a jog around the neighborhood when there was a knock at the door. "There was this middle eastern lookin' fella holding a suga...
Read full storyOzzie Osbourne's reaction to Becks' recent injury
Ozzie was contacted today, by one of our our writers to tell him that Becks has recently had bad news regarding the World Cup. It was thought that having spent some time recently with Becks (helping him out with a bit of impromtu speech therapy) Ozzie would want updating on Becks. His comments on hearing Becks' news was: "What the f**ck are yer telling me for? I couln't give a monkey's.
Read full storyReille Hunter Explains Photo Shoot Sans Pants: 'Johnny' Edwards Took Them All!
A non plussed Reille Hunter, mistress to failed Democratic Presidential Pretender John Edwards now says she is mortified after posing for panty less pictures for a national magazine, but it just wasn't her fault! "After the sex tape Johnny and I m...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Refuse To Appear In Any More Pointless News Items
Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have announced that they will no longer be appearing in pointless news items, misleading stories, and insubstantial fabrications - as of now. "It's all gotten to be a little too much," Kristen to...
Read full storySimon Cowell says he's "Had quite enough" of Ellen Degeneres
American Idol's Simon Cowell told spoof reporters that he's "Had quite enough" of Ellen Degeneres. "She keeps fondling me under the table," he said. "It might have been quite stimulating if it had been Paula doing that, but you see Ellen is a tot...
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