LONDON - The X-Factor Twins, John and Edward, aka Jedward are having quite a rough time in the music business. The lads from Scotland have just been dropped by their record label, Sunday Records.
It appears that their last song, "Under Pressing Pressure" which was a duet with rapper Vanilla Ice, only managed to sell a total of 6,100 copies, which did not even pay for the music studio organist, bagpipers, trombonist, and maracas player.
Vanilla Ice was quick to blame the Scottish boys. The Scottish boys blamed Vanilla Ice, and Jedward manager Louis Walsh of X-Factor fame blamed Susan Boyle because she keeps making songs that sell millions of copies including her latest, a tribute to Elton John called "Is That A Pointy Bra Or Is Ya Just Glad To See Me."
Simon Cowell, CEO of 19th Hole Productions, attributes the failed careers of John and Edward on the fact that they have the stupidest looking hairdos since the three damn Donalds; Donald Trump, Donald King, and Donald Duck.
Walsh chimed in by saying that he will be scheduling a concert tour to Polynesia, where the boys are not known at all. But Walsh added that just the mere fact that they are Scottish will make their concert tour a sell out because the Polynesian people are crazy about anything that is Scottish, such as Scotch Tape, Scotch Guard, and Scotch Whiskey.
In tomorrow's column. Susan Boyle will reveal her secret of how she manages to get everyday vegetables such as carrots, peas, and green beans to taste exactly like Chicken McNuggets.
