Selena Gomez Says She Is Tired of Being Called a Diva, a Prima Donna, and a Teen Magazine Queen
THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS, Colorado - Selena Gomez and her mom Mandy recently visited the famous Continental Divide in the state of Colorado after winning the "Win a Trip To The Continental Divide" contest sponsored by a local radio station in Santa Monica...
Read full storyAustralian Outback Closed For Space Shit
Outback Australians were told to stay indoors to avoid being struck by an out of control piece of space shit. The Japanese asteroid space probe returned to earth via the great Australian Outback, near a military site in South Australia. Rail an...
Read full storyObama Head Injury Covered Up by Secret Service
WASHINGTON DC - An incident report stating that President Obama had been "threatened" about 10 weeks after being sworn into office may have had "omissions." A Secret Service spokesman stated, "a more accurate description of the event would be to the...
Read full storyAussies Vote - Sydney Sucks!
Aussies can't stand Sydney! Or is that Sydney can't stand Aussies? In a audit of which City rates the best to worse, Sydney came in first as being the most congested and unaffordable City to live in not to mention the folk who appear to be right u...
Read full storyCameron Predicts British Economy to Rise
London - A beaming David Cameron was proud to announce today "The British economy is poised to rebound from it's current dip by a steady rise in the near future." Using a graph to prove his point Cameron explained "This graph shows a low spot that...
Read full storyNuclear power to be replaced by Edgar Davids before 2012
All nuclear power stations in the UK will be phased out and replaced by ex Holland football mid-fielder Edgar Davids before the end of 2012. Davids will begin generating Britain's electricity after the 2010 World Cup is over in July. He will start...
Read full storyCher's Former Daughter Chastity - Now Chaz - Is Happy Than Larry!
Cher's former daughter, Chastity, now son Chaz, is reportedly celebrating her to his sex change operation and four years with girlfriend Jennifer in L.A. There was no sight of Cher, but those close to her say she is still upset that her daughter b...
Read full storyMarc Mysterio resurrection of Samantha Fox: "Mission Accomplished"
"Marc Mysterio resurrects Samantha Fox, remember her!" boomed Ibiza-Trotting DJ Roger Sanchez, of No. 1 UK-Single 'Another Chance' Fame, on his Internationally-Syndicated/Award-Winning 'Release Yourself' Radio-Show. It started in April 2009 when M...
Read full storyPoor England Performance Blamed on 'Eccentric' Training Sessions
Critics have blamed England's poor performance in their opening World Cup game against the USA on 'eccentric' training sessions in which the players practice with bricks instead of footballs. The bizarre technique was recently introduced by coach Fab...
Read full storyGulf Of Mexico To Be Changed To Gulf Of BP Oil Spill
"It is a day of infamy", stated a very upset President Obama. "I have decided that we will never allow this oil company to live down it's actions over the past months. Every time a ship or someone on the shore looks to the south of the United States,...
Read full storyMan With The World's Smallest Penis In Playgirl!
Andy "Handy" Doodler, the man with the world's smallest penis, was really celebrating at Curley's Bar Saturday night in Knoxville, Tennessee. "Drinks are on the house, ladies and gents, I'm celebrating!" "You mean you're celebrating having th...
Read full story"Boris Johnson Is Boris Becker Is Vincent Van Gogh" Says Professor
There's more to London's Lord Mayor and tousled albino toff Boris Johnson than meets the uninformed eye, according to a new study, writes Pseudo-Science Correspondent, Quentin Baffle. Most people think of Boris - who has recently been in the news...
Read full storyTiger Woods's Golf Coach Calls for Emergency Orgy
It is no secret that Tiger's golf game has not been the same since the Thanksgiving Day incident in which he had the hell beaten out him by his putter-wielding wife. Following a lengthy investigation into his sexual history, Mr. Woods under went an...
Read full storyU.S. Money Presses Break Down from Metal Fatigue
Printing more greenbacks than ever before, the presses at several of the Nation's currency factories have had to be shut down due to large plumes of smoke wafting from the internal gears which provide their power. "It's just not a good situat...
Read full storyVoodoo You Do Mr Brown
Staff at the local Bethany Christian Trust Shop were surprised when they opened some boxes which former PM Gordon Brown had donated. Mr Brown who had to vacate his Downing Street home in May had promised the items to the charity shop in his con...
Read full storyScientists Learn Why 13th Century Saint Rose of Viterbo is Dead!
Legend has it that 13th-century cool chick Rose of Viterbo stood for hours on a raging pyre without being burned, which is one kick-ass party trick, and could see into the future. What was not known was why this fun-at-parties momma is dead. Rose...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus: I have A Boyfriend, Liam Timberpants
Seventeen-year-old Miley Cyrus has confessed that she has a boyfriend and that, 'tee hee.... We live together." Yes, little Miley seems all grown up now after doing a stripper's pole dance on TV and the sexy "Can't Be Tamed" hit but friends and fa...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Crystal Bowersox Says Her Relationship With Lee DeWyze Is Heating Up Fast!
FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - Crystal Bowersox was in Arizona with her baby visiting the Grand Canyon before it gets boarded up as per President Obama's Special Presidential Order. Bowersox, who came in second behind the winner Lee DeWyze, was asked how th...
Read full story71 Sickened by Eating Subway Food: Lowest Number in Years.
71 risk-takers were sickened from eating tainted Subway hoagies in 22 counties in Illinois. This number is said to be the lowest single-day total for people sickened after eating food from Subway. No specific food was found to be responsible but S...
Read full storyThe Collaboration, Chapter 2 - At the Clinic
"Hold still." "I--goddamn it! That hurt!" "I told you to hold still." "Where the hell did you get your license, out of a box of Weetabix?" "No, I cut it off a box of Cap'n Crunch. Now hold still." I woke up this morning as a person with his injured thumb screaming more painfully than all the fucking vuvuzelas in South Africa. In other words, as myself. The only inspiration I had...
Read full story12 Top Sexy Lyrics Pulled From Free Kid's Meal CD
Racy lyrics has led Wendy's Hamburgers to pull a CD from their kid meals. The kid's can send in for a free CD, postage paid. Among the different version were these Top 12. 12. I Want Your Sex 11. Glory Box 10. Let's Spend The Night Together 9. Lay Lady Lay 8. Sexual Healing 7. Love You Inside Out 6. Afternoon Delight 5. Do You Think I'm Sexy 4. Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta L...
Read full storySarah Palin Angrily Denies Having Her Boobs Augmented, Enhanced, or Lifted
PORT SULPHUR, Louisiana - The former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, who has recently been dubbed Saint Sarah, by her husband Todd, is fit to be tied, literally. Speaking with the Fox Network's 'non-fox' Greta Van Susteren, Palin said that she tra...
Read full storyJodie Foster Denies Beating Up Teen With Camera
Jodie Foster has been accused by the father of a 17-year-old teen of beating up his son physically and with a verbal assault. Foster had reported that a member of the paparazzi had followed her and her two kids from a theater to the car, jamming...
Read full storyITV HD Viewers still think the USA won
A technical glitch in ITV's coverage of the World Cup match between England and the USA caused everyone watching in High Definition to miss the England goal. As Steven Gerrard was slotting England's first goal of the tournament past the USA goalkeep...
Read full storyCreators of Grand Theft Auto To make New Driving Test Theory 'Hazard Avoidance' Questions
The makers of the Grand Theft Auto video games have been placed in charge of creating the new scenario's involved in the Hazard Avoidance section of the Driver Theory Test. Test victims must now watch newly recorded clips of various traffic and pe...
Read full storyRobert Green honoured in Queen's Birthday list for heroic performance in World Cup
England and West Ham United goalkeeper Robert Green has received a CBE from the Queen in recognition for his outstanding performance in goal against the USA in the World Cup. The Queen, who is a big German football fan, was delighted to see the En...
Read full storyFox denies mauling Sir Jock Stirrup
London - (Vermin): The top suspect in last week's horrendous twins attack has been at it again. Defence Scretary Dr Liam Fox was accused today of being behind the 'ritual mauling' of chief of defence staff Air Chief Marshal Sir Jock Stirrup. Po...
Read full storyBloody Sunday Inquiry to name MoD vampires
Belfast - (Rioters): Bloodsucking MoD leeches loyal to preposterous Hellfire Club grandee Prince Philip were behind it. That's the gist of the 38 year, £200 million probe the Saville Inquiry conducted by the 'Jim Will Fix It' cousin of Margaret Th...
Read full storyMoose Fever Grips the Nation
In the wake of Sarah Palin's continuing surge in popularity following the 2008 election, the nation has been caught up in "moose mania." Images of Palin hovering over a moose kill in Alaska have electrified the NRA's membership. Bumper stickers sayin...
Read full storyCrazed Cumbria copycat shooter at Brum's Custard Factory
Birmingham - (Bang! Bang! Theory): Cops fear a Derrick Bird copycat shooter is behind the 1am gun rampage at Birmingham's Custard Factory nightclub. Four revellers were seriously injured when a lone gunman 'dressed as a taxi driver' burst through...
Read full storyShocker During US-England Match at World Cup: American's Were Actually Watching.
World Cup officials on hand at the USA / England World Cup match were stunned to pearn that nearly 500,000 American TVs were tuned in. This number equals the total amount of Americans that heretofre had ever watched a soccer match on TV. Revelers...
Read full storyActivists (Who Were Definitely NOT Greenpeace) Protect Snooki While Swimming At Jersey Shore
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, the orange-tinted stereotype who damaged the psyche of all those who watched MTV's Jersey Shore last year, was encountered by an activist vessel while swimming in Seaside Heights, NJ over the weekend. (The activist vessel...
Read full storyDanielle Staub's Sex Tape Co-Star: Please Don't Tell Anyone I Banged Her!
The man whose meat whistle is prominently featured poking the cervix of Real Housewives Of New Jersey "star" Danielle Staub has implored the film's distributor not to reveal his identity. "Please, no one can know I was with her," said the anonymo...
Read full storyUS urges speedier BP oil strategy
Rear Admiral James Watson, a top US Coast Guard official, has given BP just 48 hours to improve their containment of leaking oil.New US government data shows that the flow of leaking oil could be double that of original estimates. He does not beli...
Read full storyShoot to kill orders given in Kyrgyzstan
Government officials have given shoot to kill instructions to security forces in a bid to stop ethnic rioting; 80 people have died so far as a result of the violence. Since President Kurmanbek Bakiyev's overthrow in April 1000's of people have bee...
Read full storyThree injured in Yorkshire gas explosion
Three people have been taken to hospital with injuries resulting from a huge gas explosion. There are around 20 ground floor flats affected in Bentley, North Yorkshire. All three emergency services are still on the scene, and are assessing the str...
Read full storyWorld Exclusive - England Goalie Stung!
Readers of The Spoof would have realised immediately why Robert Green fumbled the ball which resulted in the U.S.A. scoring a decisive equaliser against England. My sensational reports 'World Cup Shock for England' and 'Bees endanger World Cup' ha...
Read full storyUS popcorn, hamburgers and coke are better than Capellos slippery spaghetti?!
The US boys proved a point yesterday after they filled their tanks with junk food and run all over England filled with spaghetti and tortellini's. Fabio Capello especially was critical of his "slippery cock up" keeper, very green, Green. "We wa...
Read full storyHamilton storms to Pole in Canada
Lewis Hamilton is under the spotlight once again. Security staff were called to his hotel room last night following an incident with the cleaner of his room. Throughout the day Hamilton was seen to be in an agitated mood which a close friend confi...
Read full storyBwaney Fwank Conswidahs Pwiesthood
With Democrat chances looking rather slim for the upcoming election in November, Barney Frank, a staunch and loyal member of his party, is considering life after politics. "I nevwhere con sid whered dis beff whare in my wife," said Barney Fra...
Read full story16-Year Old Female American Sailor Rescued
Failing in her attempt to sail around the world, sixteen year old Abby Sunderland was rescued by a ready, willing and able group of young Somali Pirates who had managed to sail several thousand miles out of their own jurisdiction just for the privile...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Zac Efron To Appear On "The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania"
INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - The producers of The Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania have verified that they have signed Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron to make a guest appearance on the Bravo Network show. Seth and Shirley Firkin said that the...
Read full storyIsraeli Commandos attack sailor
3200 KMS West of the Australian Coastline Eye witnesses on an Australian QANTAS aircraft sent to locate missing world circumnavigation sailor ABBY SUNDERLAND claim to have seen several Israeli Blackhawk helicopters circling Abby Sunderland's yacht...
Read full storyThe Collaboration - The Genesis
This is a little disturbing. I just checked out my favourite satirical website, and right there on the writers' forum there's a proposal that the writers start a piggy back collaboration story. Nobody seems sure yet which way they'd like it to go. I can sympathise with that. I mean, where do you start? You see, there aren't any guidelines and there's no established structure. I want to ta...
Read full storyGot a Secret? Don't Share It with an iPad
At least that's what Kindles (Amazon's electronic readers considered, in some quarters, to be rivals of iPads) advised when it was revealed this week that some iPad users had some of their data leaked. Head Kindle Hedda was quick to comment. "...
Read full storyYo Ho Ho, Get Off My Ass!
THOUSAND OAKS, CA - Teen mariner Abby Sunderland, whose attempt to become the youngest person to sail around the world was thwarted when her craft's mast broke in heavy seas in the Indian Ocean, has been rescued from her parents and is being held in...
Read full storyNorth Korea Threatens to Hold Breath Until South Surrenders
Seoul, South Korea. Just when you thought things couldn't get any more tense in the Korean Peninsula, something happens to make the comic tension ever worse! Today Kim Jong Ill announced plans for the entire nation of North Korea to simultaneousl...
Read full storyRobert Green Blames Hyenas For World Cup Howler
It seems that England keeper Robert Green is blaming a pack of hyenas he spotted on a safari trip for his World Cup howler against the USA. According to the West Ham man's friends, when Clint Dempsey unleashed that half hearted shot at him, he cou...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell Tells Tiger Woods "Hey Bro Boy Leave Dem White Chicks Alone and Getcha A Nice Black Sista"
BOSTON - Naomi Campbell was in town watching the Boston Celtics play the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals. She was asked if she had been mean to any of her employees lately. Naomi asked "Say wot?" When asked the question again, she exploded...
Read full storyRobert Green Has World Cup Nightmare
After the England football team drew their opening game with the USA 1-1 in Rustenburg, goalkeeper Robert Green has spoken for the first time about his World Cup nightmare. Green, it was who unwittingly allowed a tame Clint Dempsey shot through hi...
Read full storyRough Year For Al Gore Family After Third Split!
It started early last year when turkeys and chickens began fighting outside the country mansion of the Al Gore family and it hasn't stopped yet. In May of last year, the former Vice President's daughter Kristin divorced her husband, Paul Cusack.
Read full storyJimmy Carter's Great Nephew Arrested For Smuggling Cocaine In Peanuts
Presley Carter, the grandson of Billy Carter, was arrested in Nagales, Arizona not far from the Mexican border while trying to smuggle an undetermined amount (at press time) of cocaine inside a package of peanuts. "He told us that he had went to...
Read full storyBlonde Bikini Bimbos Flock To Louisiana Beaches After Governor Declares Them "Self-Oiling"
In an attempt to recapture some of the dwindling tourist trade, the Governor of the state of Louisiana has begun a new ad campaign. Instead of saying the the state's beaches are polluted due to the BP oil crisis, they are advertised as being "self-o...
Read full storyMegan Fox In Mermaid Role In Next Pirates Of The Caribbean!
After on again, off again turmoil of her appearing in Transformers 3, Meagan Fox is out to land the starring role of a mermaid in the next Pirates Of The Caribbean movie. Johnny Depp is said to "like what he sees" and thinks Meagan will do great i...
Read full storyEngland Blows World Cup Victory Against Country That Refers to Game As 'Hockey Without Sticks'
England's "keeper", Robert Green let the round hockey puck slip right through his hands, and an assured victory against a well-playing USA team turned into a 1-1 tie. The game, which, according to United States' Eastern Time, was played at 3:30am...
Read full story