It is no secret that Tiger's golf game has not been the same since the Thanksgiving Day incident in which he had the hell beaten out him by his putter-wielding wife. Following a lengthy investigation into his sexual history, Mr. Woods under went an intensive sexual addiction rehabilitation program.
"I hate to say it," said his coach, Rock North. "But Tiger is just a pure players player if you know what I mean. It's not a joke or a coincidence that his golf game has fallen way off what the public demands of him. That's why I decided to scrap this whole re-hab plan. I've called for an emergency orgy. Any female out there with porn star or stripper experience is hereby invited to Tiger's place in Palm Beach, ASAP."
In a related late breaking development, traffic outside of Tiger's mansion was seen backed up several miles. Tiger could not be reached for comment.
