Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, the orange-tinted stereotype who damaged the psyche of all those who watched MTV's Jersey Shore last year, was encountered by an activist vessel while swimming in Seaside Heights, NJ over the weekend.
(The activist vessel was definitely NOT Greenpeace, because when I first submitted this story, I wrote that it was Greenpeace, and entire sentences containing the word Greenpeace were edited out, rendering the story SENSELESS. So, yeah, definitely not Greenpeace.)
The not Greenpeace vessel then moved toward shore, flanking the flailing Oompa-Loompa, ostensibly to protect her from fishermen who may have mistaken her for a Beluga whale.
"We took up position just East of her in the surf. At first, we thought that the animal was about to beach itself, and we planned to initiate a rescue. Upon closer inspection, we found out that the animal was indeed human, regardless of its size."
Polizzi revealed that she had been harpooned illegally by poachers on at least two occasions in the late 90's.
None of the poachers were Greenpeace, just to be clear.
