Apple's iSlate Tablet PC Criticized by Kindles and Nooks
Its debut hasn't even been officially announced, but already the forthcoming Apple Tablet PC, rumored to be called iSlate, has come under attack by Kindles and Nooks, terrified that the new product may steal their thunder. Kindles and Nooks have...
Read full storyThe Conjoined McBriar Twins Run Off "Together" To Join The Circus
SARASOTA, Florida - After years of trying to figure out exactly where to fit in, the McBriar sisters, Mary and Terry have come to the realization that their special situation calls for special measures. One day the two girls were sitting in their...
Read full storyNew Study Determines Whiskey 'Delicious'
Lynchburg, TN - A study, funded in part by Jack Daniel's has determined that, as has long been suspected, whiskey is in fact 'delicious'. The study consisted of blindfolded subjects taste-testing whiskey versus urine, bleach, and other household clea...
Read full storyTiger "parades" his carts at a Bahama Golf Course
Golf fans were amazed to see a trail of golf carts following tiger woods as he tooled around the golf course in the Bahamas. "Count them" said one of the golfers on the same course, "just count them. There are exactly 18". With Tiger in the le...
Read full storyNew Weight Loss Method Discovered by Scientists
Addis Ababa, ETHIOPIA - Scientists working in this impoverished African nation claim to have discovered the secret to long-term sustained weight loss, summarized by researcher Pete Morgan as follows: "QUIT EATING SO DAMN MUCH!" Morgan went on t...
Read full storyZombies Campaign for Right to Vote
Monroeville, PA - A group calling itself 'Deadizens of America' has been campaigning vigorously for the right to vote. The group, led by Morgana Entwhistle, has been protesting in front of the Monroeville Mall holding signs and placards for over...
Read full storyWine Flu Infects Millions of Drunks
Sacramento, CA - Hospitals and toilets everywhere are seeing a sharp influx of patients presenting with Wine flu-like symptoms, including dark red vomit, bedspins, and complaints about 'eating some bad chicken'. Wine flu has been known to science...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson to become a Premiership Referee on his 'retirement' as Man Utd Manager!
Old Trafford: Sir Alex Ferguson, the Manchester United manager, who has been putting himself in the firing line of the FA's disciplinary committee by criticizing the performance of match referees, is now destined to become one himself. Sir Alex is...
Read full storyFishmongers Mourn Downfall of Newspapers
Schuster, MT - Fishmongers from New Hampshire to Florida are mourning the deaths of newspapers across the country. As the price of an ever-decreasing supply of newspapers goes up, fishwrap has gotten harder and harder to come by for fishermen. "I...
Read full storyCooties Causes Cancer in Laboratory Rats
Rockefeller, NY - Scientists studying the effects of cooties in laboratory animals have found a strong correllation between infected animals and the development of cancer, particularly cancer of the genitals. Says Bell Green, one of the researcher...
Read full storyLink Between UFO Abductees and Mental Illness
Stuttgart, CA - Researchers have drawn a link between UFO abductees and mental illness. Utilizing MUFON reports from as far back as 1985, researchers have found a 100 percent correlation between abductees and 'being complete nutjobs'. "Those resea...
Read full storyLocal Bar Full of Assholes
D'Starkville, IN - My sources have learned of a local bar which, astoundingly, manages to be completely full of assholes on any given night. The bar in question, Cobb's Drinkhole, contains every variety of asshole, from the Big Dumb Asshole, all the...
Read full story'The USA', a book for 250 million children by Enid Blighter
Once upon a time there was a little boy in Hawaii, and that little boy was scared because he didn't know if he was Kenyan or Hawaiian or American or Serbo-Croato-Irish-Martian. And the boy's mommy moved to the mightiest country in the world, and then went to the USA, and there she married somebody or other with money, boys and girls, and then she sat and thought 'What can I turn my little boy i...
Read full storyFormer White House Bush-man John Michael Farren on $2 million bail
New Haven, Conn - (Rioters): During his White House days Farren, 57, honed his pitbull reputation as a badass lawyer to the worst of the Bushes. Yesterday a New Haven judge ordered him to provide a $2 million bail bond after police filed strangula...
Read full storyIrish Butcher Boy Reveals Sexual Receipes He Cooked Up to Keep 59 Year Old Stewing in Her Own Juices!
As if there wasn't enough fall out over the revelation that a 19 year old butcher boy was 'grinding' his 59 year old customer amid further claims of monetary impropriety on her part, the other shoe is ready to fall with the announced publication of...
Read full storyNewark Airport Now Boasts a Special "Final Goodbye Kiss" Area
The New Jersey airport found it necessary to set this up after a Rutgers University graduate student breached security by entering a restricted area to give his girlfriend one last kiss before she left for L.A. Havoc ensued, with many angry passenge...
Read full storyBig Feud Erupts As Cheryl Cole Mentions Lily Allen's Third Nipple
LONDON - Cheryl Cole was asked about the song which Lily Allen wrote which mentions her in the lyrics as well as in the title. Cheryl replied that she thought that it was nice of Lily to mention her in her song "Cheryl Tweedy." But when Cheryl...
Read full storyKate Middleton spends birthday in huddle with psychics
London - (Rotters): Barricaded in the London College of Psychic Studies' panic room today desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton spent her 28th birthday coaxing and cajoling a ouija board. Seven years of mediums' predictions have so far all gone...
Read full storyTiger's bed "tossed to the curb"
An online auction site is bombarded with bids for the "marital bed" of Tiger and Elin Woods being offered with no reserve today. Starting bid is $100.00 and is being offered "as is" states the seller, "with no refunds". The seller states they a...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Says Blacks Are Not African-Americans - Charlize Theron However Is
NEW YORK CITY - Glenn "Insert Foot In Mouth Again" Beck stated on his radio show that black people who say that they are African-Americans are making a bogus statement. He said that they were born in America and are therefore Black Americans where...
Read full storyHorns of a dilemma as Vinnie Jones 'offered secret $$$s deal' to shag OAP Ivana Trump
London - (Fly-Off-The-Wall): Should he or shouldn't he? Celeb Big Bro contestant and star of Guy Ritchie movie Snatch Vinnie Jones is feeling the horns of a massive dilemma. Pals of fellow CBB housemate and ex-Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss say he's...
Read full storyPickled "Peckers" an embarrassment to canning industry
Women everywhere are rushing to their local supermarkets to buy up all of a new, recently advertised product under the labeling of Pickled Peckers. The Industry is embarrassed by this typo made on their labels and are rushing to pull them from th...
Read full storyPresident Obama Set to Rename Great Lakes
Washington, DC - President Obama confirmed rumors today he plans to rename the Great Lakes after people "more important that a bunch of dead Indian chiefs." Reading a prepared statement from a teleprompter the President said, "It's time for a cha...
Read full storyCamilla wins "Queens" contest in Vegas
According to news reports from a little known British Tabloid, The British Barter, the Queen was upset about the actions of her son's wife. She has yet to call Camilla her "daughter-in-law and simply refers to her as "my son's wife". Reports sh...
Read full storyArt Clokey, Creator of Gumby, Turns To Clay At 88
Gumby's animator Art Clokey, who created the bendable Gumby and his horse, Pokey, has died at the age of 88, in Los Angeles. Not that Pokey has died. He is Clokey's creation of a horse made of clay. He is still around, but must be in his 70's by...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Comes Back From The Dead To Take On Taylor Swift
Back from the grave or vault or whatever container he occupies, the year end totals show that the number one selling artist for 2009, was Michael Jackson. "A dead guy beat me?" was the response from our most popular live performer, Taylor Swift.
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Kristy Stewart Reveal Secret Of The "Twilight" Series
A major secret on the set of the Twilight movies is something most producers and directors may have never tried, according to two of it's star's, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. "If you noticed the shocked expressions on some of our faces it...
Read full storyJanuary transfer news
Manchester city have put in a world record bid of £200 million for the football club "Bayern Munich". City boss, Roberto Mancini, is said to be keen to work with several players from the club and because he feels he wants "most" of the Bayern pla...
Read full storyDog known as "Magic" soon to be euthanized
Reporting for the Las Vegas Variety a writer got free passes to the new magic show starring David Silverfield. There was much press given to this aspiring new magician in town since it was said he could change a person into anything and then chan...
Read full storyConjoined Twins Signed Up By Portsmouth FC
Cash strapped Portsmouth FC today signed American conjoined twins, the Pissgum brothers to shore up a leaky defence. Pompey boss, Avram Grant is hoping that the Pissgum twins will form a Neville brothers type function at the club. "We're hoping th...
Read full storyUganda Scandal Over Human Sacrifices Threatens to Spill Over to White House: Several Obama Tribesman Now Running for their Lifes!
A recent scandal, involving the impact of Witch Doctors ordering Human Sacrifices to ensure Wealth, Success, & Power in Uganda, has threatened to spill over to Obama's White House, as several recent appointees have gone missing, and dozens more...
Read full storyCo-Joined Twins Admit That They Wear Men's Underwear
Mary and Terry McBriar, a pair of co-joined (a.k.a. cojoined or Siamese) twins who have been in the news lately, have admitted that they generally buy and wear men's briefs. The eighteen year olds are joined at the hip and have three legs between th...
Read full storyElvis: The Little Known Top Ten Facts
After His 75th Birthday, Top Ten Little Known Facts About Elvis Presley 10. Elvis' mother, Gladys Smith's middle name was 'Elvis'. 9. Every dog and cat the family ever had (Ten 'Hound Dogs' at one time), was named 'Elvis'. 8. Elvis had a twin brother who was still-born and shown at a traveling circus show by Colonel Tom Parker. His name was 'Elvis #2'. 7. Elvis never liked the n...
Read full storyAvatar Now Second Biggest Grossing Film Worldwide In Just Twenty Days
Avatar, the James Cameron movie with lots of special effects and very little story, acting, or plot, has become the second largest grossing movie of all time in just twenty days of release. Projections are that it will shatter the record and cla...
Read full storyReligious Historians Learn That Bigfoot Is Actually Cain, Son of Adam
Religious historians researching in the Dead Sea Scrolls and other ancient writings have determined that the Bigfoot monster is none other than Cain, the son of Adam who slew his brother Abel. This evidence was found in scrolls discovered in Syria,...
Read full storyDoctors Say Newsman Keith Olbermann Showing Signs Of Oxygen Deprivation
Doctors at Washington D.C.'s Joe Gibbs Memorial Hospital have said that the recent words and actions of NBC Newsman and commentator Keith Olbermann are the results of his being deprived of oxygen. These medical experts suggest that, in order to rega...
Read full storyCIA Announcement Confirms There Are 71 Virgins in Heaven, Plus One That Could Go Either Way After Jockey Short Bomber Completes Sex Change!
Speaking off the record, a highly placed CIA operative confirmed that recently apprehended 'Jockey Short Bomber' Umar Farouk Aldulmutalation, has by his own request, completed his sex change operation courtesy of the US government and Medicare. Um...
Read full story'Mein Kampf' by Barack Hussein Obama published
Tired of the entire world laughing at him for being a childish nobody leading the USA into more and more embarrassments, President Barack Obama today published his autobiography to try and rescue his half-dead career, entitled 'Mein Kampf'. Here is an excerpt: 'The Jews are not to blame for our troubles, neither are the Communists, nor the Slavs. It's those British schweinhunds I blame! How dar...
Read full storyAlex Jones Sends Out A Booty Call!
AUSTIN-In an obvious parody of the "Howard Stern Show", controversial radio talk show host and documentary filmmaker Alex Jones donned a long black wig and sunglasses on his Friday afternoon television simulcast. Why? "I'm sending out a booty call" Jones announced "to all you bodacious info-babes, patriotic playmates and liberty lovin' ladies who would like to audition for my new 2010 (better...
Read full storySuperman has Diarrhoea
Superman is on the sick list and not able to perform any super hero tasks this week and will not return to his super hero duties until further notice. Lex Laxative his arch enemy tricked him into drinking a cup of coffee with the very strong laxat...
Read full storyHitler launches new 'miracle' weapon against Britain
January, 1944. Belgium. The Third Reich's so-called 'miracle' weapons that have done so much damage and killed so many in the south-east of England - the V1 'doodlebug' flying bombs, and the V2 rockets - were added to today when the Germans launched...
Read full storyRay Guy Sues NFL For Position Discrimination
Ray Guy was the punter for the Oakland Raiders in the 70's and 80's. He holds several NFL records and is generally considered the greatest punter of all time (he was selected in the position to the NFL 75th Anniversary team and all time team of the...
Read full storyBlair loses at Hangman: pays the price
London, England. In the most thoroughly disturbing news that has emerged in history, former UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has been hung by the neck 'til dead while playing the popular game Hangman. The game, challenging people to guess the lette...
Read full storyPresident Obama Vows To Outlaw Crotch Bombers and Groin Bombers
BOISE, Idaho - President Barack Obama was in Boise to attend the dedication of the town's 80-foot tall Mr. Potato Head statue. After the festive festivities he was asked what he plans on doing about these nasty Al Qaeda and Taliban operatives who...
Read full storyBreathholes in search of international fame
London, England. Hot new music group, the Breathholes, have landed in America to consolidate their nationwide fame here in Britain, as well as may be even get some new fans in the 'States. The four lads, sporting smart suits and well groomed hair,...
Read full storyDoctor Who's New Assistant "Not Ginger"
Still reeling from the outrage caused by Doctor Who confessing to being 'anti-ginger', things seem to have gotten worse for the two-hearted Time Lord. In a shock discovery made by this journalist, the Doctor's new assistant is none other than Nick...
Read full storyLou Dobbs Refused Admittance Into St. Burrito Hospital In East Los Angeles
EAST LOS ANGELES - Ex-CNN talk show host Lou Dobbs was speaking at a convention of retired border patrol agents at The Como Se Llama Convention Hall in East L.A. when he suddenly lost his breath and fell on his face. Dobbs, who probably tips the s...
Read full storyJaggedOne Comes Out - Into The Spotlight
We've all missed the tea-time internet double act of JO and the Earl on the Spoof.com forum, (well, some of us have) and following Earl Grey's defection to Moscow, many thought that this splendid double act would be no more. Oh deep joy for Spoofe...
Read full storyMurdoch / O'Reilly Nuptials Set
New York - following six months of rumor, media mogul Rupert Murdoch and Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly announced wedding plans during a joint news conference. "We're a natural fit," said Murdoch. "And for those of you who seem somewhat aghas...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Dobbs Dumped CNN
Atlanta - Lou Dobbs, mired in controversy because of his opinion-laden commentary, abruptly resigned from CNN recently. A spokesperson for the Hispanic community in Miami, Grito N. Altavoz, said, "Good riddance to that gringo maricón. He want to send...
Read full story'I'm Waiting For Some Fun Or At Least Some Satire, Or Else I'll Be Waiting For The Man Soon' (part dreary, by George Dumbya Brain)
Long-winded sentences began almost as soon as the story of whatever this is about began, and so Ted had to list his long interests in automobiles and junk and in fact in huge piles of dross piled in varying states of disambigousity remembering the 1950s McCartney witchhunts that proved that Americans are idiots. I can never remember why the people that invented English laugh so much at the peop...
Read full storyPatrick Viera signs for Man City while Utd offer Roy "Frog killer" Keane a contract too!
After Man City's shock signing of veteran Patrick Viera their rivals, Man Utd have decided to revitalise Roy "Keano" Keane to combat the "loud mouthed" Frenchman. It was always war when Viera/Arsenal met Keano/Man Utd on the field and many sponsor...
Read full storyThe Tiger Dudes Siegfried and Roy Finally Retire
LAS VEGAS - After performing together for 37 years, and going through 817 tigers, and over 7,000 Revlon products, Siegfried Fischbacher and Roy Horn have decided to hang up their magic wands. The two popular Las Vegas showmen who performed illusio...
Read full storyScientists Prove That Bugs In A Rug Are Not Snug
Insect research at Denver University has determined that a common saying is incorrect and that there is no such thing as being "as snug as a bug in a rug." The phrase, which is generally taken to mean tucked in tight and toasty warm is not true, acc...
Read full storyPete Carroll Announces That He Is Quitting USC To Take Seattle Seahawks Head Coaching Job
On the day after the BCS Title Game, Southern Cal head coach Pete Carroll announced that he is resigning his position to take the same job with the Seattle Seahawks of the NFL. The USC coach has been to BCS games seven of the previous eight seasons...
Read full storyArmy ordered to shoot snowballers after vicious attack on vital food supply vehicle.
Ireland has issued a direct order to the country's military to shoot any persons over 152 centimetres or 60 inches in height, that has been identified as in either use of, or being in possession of a "snowball" or "snowball like" projectile.
Read full storyGreat Britain's Oldest Groupie Anita Pallenberg Will Soon Turn 65 (Age Not Tricks)
LONDON - Anita Pallenberg, who is considered to be England's oldest band groupie will turn 65, on January 25. The Chichester native originally met the Rolling Stones in Munich, Germany in 1965. She instantly began a two year affair with the late S...
Read full storyBreakfast Presenter Susanna Reid Criticized For Showing Off Her Puppies
LONDON - Breakfast presenter Susanna Reid has received quite a bit of criticism for showing a little too much of her puppies during an interview. Reid was interviewing actor Hugh Grant in a rather low-cut mossy green dress. She asked Grant what he...
Read full storyNew Transgressions Mode For Woods Video Game Franchise
REDWOOD CITY, CALIFORNIA - A new transgressions mode is being developed for the next Tiger Woods computer game. The mode was revealed at a press conference today. Despite being in the early stages of development, when asked about the features on T...
Read full storyCanadians Hope for American Invasion
Canadian prime minister Steven Harper met with president Obama in Washington this week to encourage the American president to invade Canada this summer. Unlike other countries that are concerned about a US invasion, Canada relies heavily on the US...
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