Horns of a dilemma as Vinnie Jones 'offered secret $$$s deal' to shag OAP Ivana Trump

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 9 January 2010


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image for Horns of a dilemma as Vinnie Jones 'offered secret $$$s deal' to shag OAP Ivana Trump
She's a bit ragged before getting her make-up on...

London - (Fly-Off-The-Wall): Should he or shouldn't he? Celeb Big Bro contestant and star of Guy Ritchie movie Snatch Vinnie Jones is feeling the horns of a massive dilemma.

Pals of fellow CBB housemate and ex-Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss say he's secretly been offered a small fortune.

All he has to do is shag housemate Ivana Trump "just for a laugh and a $$$s bung."

Vinnie, 44, has promised wife Tanya there'll be no rumpy-pumpy shenanigans during his celibate three week stay at the Big Bro House.

"Dead easy, mate!" was his reply even before seeing pics of La Trump putting on makeup, having hair extensions glued over the bald spot and inserting a double set of dentures.

"Besides, she's like, er, 65 next month. Snatch like the Bermuda Triangle. Reckon there's a law against it."

Trump's date of birth is listed as 20 February 1944 although much like her mustache she's regularly shaving bits off that date all the time.

Last year she started drawing her old age pension from a 1990s stint as UN Goodwill Ambassador to Horny Fossils.

And not-so secret trysts with Bill Clinton may have tarnished her reputation 'if not the lining of her vagina'.

This weekend the sexagerian peroxide Czech bombshell demanded a mosquito net for her CBB bed.

"Yeah, but one bite of that saggy-arse flesh and anything venomous dies of poisoning!" the former footballer/hardman/movie star laughed.

Stephanie Beauchamp is 69.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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