EAST LOS ANGELES - Ex-CNN talk show host Lou Dobbs was speaking at a convention of retired border patrol agents at The Como Se Llama Convention Hall in East L.A. when he suddenly lost his breath and fell on his face.
Dobbs, who probably tips the scales at somewhere around 315, was picked up by six border patrol agents and carried into the kitchen.
The kitchen manager, Mariachi Queso, asked the agents to please move him as they had sat him down in a pan of hot salsa. The agents apologized, picked up the big old Pillsbury doughboy, and laid him down on the floor next to a vat of refried beans.
One of the agents tried to get Dobbs to eat some chips with refried beans but he could not get him to open his mouth. Someone said that maybe they should get him a non-Spanish food item such as a Fig Newton, a Little Debbie Cupcake, or a sno-cone.
The chief cook, identified only as Pablito because he doesn't want his wife and girlfriends to know where he works, said that a sno-cone is actually a raspa, which was invented in Tijuana, Mexico in the summer of 1947, during the horrendous heat wave of '47, (the weather thingy not the song).
One of the border patrol agents decided to go ahead and call 911. But for some reason each time that he pressed 2 for Spanish, the call would disconnect.
They finally decided to drive him to St. Burrito Hospital which was two blocks away. When they got to the hospital, the lady in admittance said that she could not admit him.
When she was asked why, she replied because she remembers seeing him on TV and he was badmouthing Mexico, burros, serapes, guacamole dip, and Salma Hayek's accent.
SIDENOTE: The border patrol agents decided to take Dobbs out to the parking lot where they let him sleep it off in one of their pretty green cars.