D'Starkville, IN - My sources have learned of a local bar which, astoundingly, manages to be completely full of assholes on any given night. The bar in question, Cobb's Drinkhole, contains every variety of asshole, from the Big Dumb Asshole, all the way down to the Skinny Sarcastic Asshole.
There's a good chance these are the same assholes you went to high school with, and the intensity of their asshole-itude hasn't diminished over time, in fact, it's probably been magnified by years of bitterness and resentment.
It's enough to make you pray for a fire.
Unsurprisingly, this same bar is also reportedly full of bitches, the kind who never want to put out, even after you buy them two drinks and tell them you drive a Ford Taurus.