Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 9 January 2010

image for Great Britain's Oldest Groupie Anita Pallenberg Will Soon Turn 65 (Age Not Tricks)
A photo of The Rolling Stones album entitled "Lips of Love" on which Anita played tambourine.

LONDON - Anita Pallenberg, who is considered to be England's oldest band groupie will turn 65, on January 25.

The Chichester native originally met the Rolling Stones in Munich, Germany in 1965. She instantly began a two year affair with the late Stones guitarist Brian Jones.

Jones taught her how to play a total of eight guitar chords and she wrote a song that the Rolling Stones recorded as a filler on their second album. The song was entitled, "You Slid Into Third And Now You're Going Home."

The song has recently been recorded by four different recording artist including The Black Eyed Peas, Lady GaGa, Carrie Underwood, and Clay Aiken.

Pallenberg later entered into a relationship with the other Stones guitarist Keith Richard. Keith taught her five more guitar chords and she wrote the song, "How Can You Say You Don't Love Me When You've Got My Ta-Ta's In Your Mouth."

That song was recorded by Elton John and made it all the way up to number 4 on the U.K. music charts.

Anita's affair with Keith lasted from 1967 until 1979, and that relationship produced 11 children. The kids were all given musical names. The eldest is named Acoustic and the youngest is named Mandolin.

These days Anita Pallenberg is looking very much like U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, except with blonde hair, much lighter skin color, and an English address.

Pallenberg pointed out that back in the 60s and 70s she traveled extensively with the Rolling Stones and visited 83 countries.

One day when she was laying out by the hotel pool in Lima, Peru, Mick Jagger walked by and asked her how she was doing.

She told him that she and Keith had just had a big fight. He asked her what about. Anita looked up with tears in her eyes and replied, "You know Mick, I can't get no satisfaction. I just can't get no satisfaction. And I try and I try and I try and I try."

In other news. Burt Reynolds has admitted that he has had so much work done on his face that he is starting to look like Joan Rivers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
40 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more