Michelle to be reprimanded by White House
Wife of President Barack Obama is in a bit of trouble White House correspondent Anna Lorrisan. Michelle Obama called upon the President's personal helicopter to fly her to a showing of designer handbags by little known designer Monica Lewdinsky o...
Read full storyUse It Or Lose it, Is Warren Beatty's Motto
In an interview with the last of the old time Hollywood Lovers, I approached Mr. Beatty's front gate, trembling from head to toe. Although I have interviewed many Hollywood greats, Warren Beatty was the heartthrob and secret desire of women everywhere in the world. Showing my press badge, the security guard pressed the button to alert the Beatty residence that he had company. I immediate...
Read full storySea Lion Meat Mysteriously Turns on the Menu in San Fran Franscio
San Francisco - Police detectives think they may know what has happened to the 1500 sea lions that mysteriously disappeared from fabled Pier 39 on the bay. Starting in November of last year residents began noticing fewer and fewer of the sea lions on...
Read full storyAl Queda Airline Bomber Pleads 'Not Guilty' in Detroit
Clearly with a massive amount of evidence to support a claim of innocence for the serious charges against him, Nigerian passenger, Abdulmutallab plead 'Not Guity" to all charges in federal court this afternoon. Advised by his assigned pool lawyer...
Read full storyNew Sex Study Reveals Semen In the Crossfire
SAN DIEGO, California - Researchers have long known that sex can be fun, that people who have sex often tend to live longer, healthier lives, and that sexually active men have healthier sperm. What researchers did not know is that the collection o...
Read full storyMel Gibson Elevated to Cardinal
WASHINGTON - At a special convocation of the College of Cardinals, Pope Benedict announced the elevation of Mel Gibson to the position of Cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church. Although rumors had been circulating ever since the release of Gibson's f...
Read full storyChristopher Hitchens Writes Autobiography
The rumors are true and author Christopher Hitchens has written his autobiography. Hitchens, the author of So Many Men's Rooms, So Little Time, wants to reveal all so to speak. Hitchens is infamous for defending former Idaho Senator Larry Craig wh...
Read full storyLady Sovereign 4 Big Brother
It was announced this week that Lady Sovereign will be appearing in this years Big Brother. It's nice to see that channel 4 are branching out with their ideas and have gone for Celebrity Tramp Big Brother this year rather than the more traditional...
Read full story85,000 Jobs Hit the Streets but Employers Upbeat
Despite the recent December job loss announcement, employers remain upbeat about the future in 2010 and their ability to recover quickly once the economy shows signs of growth. Speaking to a joint congressional sub-committee on Economic Growth, se...
Read full storyAustralians in diplomatic uproar with India after KKK racist cartoon is printed, Aborigines know all about it!
Australians are in uproar because of a cartoon printed in an Indian tabloid depicting all Australian cops as KKK (Ku Klux Klan) members. It is not quite the same uproar that nearly caused WW3 by a certain Danish tabloid which printed a certai...
Read full storyTom Brady Announces Modeling is Hard
New England Patriot's quarterback, Tom Brady announced in a magazine interview that, "modeling is hard." Some of his Patriots teammates who have made it into the playoffs with a 10-6 record are concerned with the comment of Tom Bradylicious. Rand...
Read full storyBNP leader in Reggae club scandal-claims of shaking his groove thing
You would be forgiven for thinking that the smooth relaxing sounds of reggae and the BNP are not a mix but you would be wrong apparently. BNP leader Nick Griffin was spotted yesterday evening in a prominent London reggae club. According to eye wi...
Read full storySarah Palin Claims NASA Prediction of Supernova Explosion a Socialist Plot.
Cornstalk, Nebraska - Cornered yesterday afternoon in the Fashion section of the Mystic County Book Store, Sarah Palin flew into a frenzy when a science writer for the Mystic Weekly Magazine asked for her opinion regarding a NASA report of an looming...
Read full storyPresident Obama Receives Auto Czar Award
The White House announced today that President Obama has received the Auto Czar Award. White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs says the "President is honored to receive this award and truly hopes he can continue to live up to controlling the auto i...
Read full storyElin to throw out their marital bed
Elin Woods: "I should have been aware as to what was going on with Tiger" she said in an interview with TIGER TIMES, a new tabloid now being published to keep up with all the interest in the recent scandal. "Every time he came home from a tour he...
Read full storyHeavy Snowfalls Blamed on God's Dandruff
The personal hygiene of God has once again been put in the spotlight following the freakishly heavy snow showers that have gripped the nation in a very tight grip indeed. As every reader of The Bible knows, God has long hair and a very bushy beard...
Read full storyNational Duct Tape Council Praises Bush
The normally apolitical National Duct Tape Council has issued a statement in support of former President Bush's call to invade Canada. Chairman Herb Rimple explained the council's reasoning at a televised news conference held in Crawford, Texas: "We...
Read full storyJohn Advertising For Job In John, Gets It
So many people are looking for jobs these days that people are beginning to post ads inside the stalls of bathrooms, thinking sooner or later someone needing help will come into the stall. Or at least that was the idea of John Linden Elmore of Lexing...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Changing Shackmates
Seventeen year old Miley Cyrus has brought a new boyfriend home to her parents house in California. The new shackmate is Liam Hemsworth whom she has been seeing for several months now, since they completed a new film together. Parents Billy Ray...
Read full storyTiger Woods Has Face Bleached, Nose Redone
Perhaps all the recent goings-on have caused the talented golfer to go a little bananas but a source close to Tiger has told us that Tiger Woods has bleached his face till it's whiter and had a nose job. He also wants custody of the kids so he ca...
Read full storyWhite House Report Shocker: Al Qaeda Recruiting Using "The Three Stooges"
(Washington, D.C.) The report released detailing what allowed Nigerian terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutllab to board a Detroit bound Northwest Airlines plane on Christmas Day revealed myriad failing communications between counter-terror agencies and on...
Read full storyBig Freeze - Frankie The J To The Rescue!
As the UK shivers in -18C temperatures, Minister For Crap Weather, Stormy Galesleet announced that the government were preparing to take the last resort measure of flying in famous American troubleshooter, Frankie the J from his home in West 'By God'...
Read full storyBrewery Hostage Crisis
Disgruntled workers at a brewery took senior managers hostage following news of redundancies. The workers downed several pints of wife beater before locking management in. Management were released in a hostage swap as one brave UK man stepped in t...
Read full storyFlat broke Spain begs Che Guevara and Pancho Villa to start a revolution!
Spain is so flat broke and poor they have decided to beg ex-Mexican/Bolivian revolutionairies, Pancho Villa and Che Guevara to start a revolution. Spain's unemployed is the highest in the EU and is growing. Spanish unemployed youths are turnin...
Read full storyRonnie Wood Getting Ready To Rumble
Reports coming in to this office suggest that Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood 62, is psyching himself up to give Jonas Altberg aka Basshunter a bloody good kicking, when he comes out of the CBB house. Wood is furious that Jonas has been makin...
Read full storyTop Retailer to Offer Terrorist Accessories
Recognizing shifting U.S. demographics a top US retailer's 2010 product line will include useful accessories specifically designed to appeal to the terrorist segment. "This is an important customer group for us," said spokesperson Shabaella Fou.
Read full storyChinese Drywall Linked to both Global Warming and Infertility
Chinese drywall manufactured in China and exported to the U.S. from 2001 to 2007 has been linked to both global warming and infertility. Earlier complaints included headaches and the corrosion of electrical wiring and plumbing pipes in homes. As a...
Read full storyJonathan Ross to join mobile phone company
BBC television presenter and soon to be ex-BBC television presenter Jonathan Ross, noted for not knowing his R's from his elbow, is leaving the BBC to join mobile telephone operator Vodorange3Oh!2 mobile as an agony uncle, advising grandfathers how t...
Read full storyUK On Zombie Red Alert
Following thousands of reported zombie sightings in the UK, Downing Street this afternoon officially placed the nation on Red Alert. Emergency call centres have been inundated with calls from terrified homeowners claiming to have spotted zombies i...
Read full storyNancy Grace Adopts New Accent
Working closely with speech therapists and image consultants the past several months, and in an attempt to broaden her appeal to a wider national audience, Nancy Grace will reportedly drop her famous southern twang in favor of a different accent.
Read full storyTellyBan on Taliban
There is a telly ban on the Taliban who cannot get any reception in the mountains - not even with an aerial or a satellite dish. Word has reached reporters that the Taliban are not happy that they cannot get television in hell man. Mind you there...
Read full storyFans Flock To Graceland For Elvis 75th
Fans today gathered in their thousands at Graceland to commemorate what would have been Elvis Presley's 75th birthday, had he still been alive. The singer, once known as the King, collapsed and died whilst on the toilet sometime in the 1970's, as...
Read full storyWitch left homeless
It was bad news today for Dortchen Wilde of Delamere Forest when local council officials closed down her home on basic failures of the building regulations. Dortchen, locally known as The Wicked Witch, lived in a gingerbread house. Though nothing...
Read full storyBarney Rubble Turns CBB Bible Basher
In what so far has been the most tedious ever series of Celebrity Big Brother, there has been but one startling revelation. Hollywood actor, Stephen Baldwin - of the Baldwin acting dynasty - who played Barney Rubble in the live action Flintstones...
Read full storyLeap Year's Matthew Goode Needs a Shave
Following the same poor Hollywood advice on what a leading man should look like on film, Matthew Goode seems to have fallen into the same predictable facial hair trap that originated in the 80's with Don Johnson. He isn't the first to mimic the "N...
Read full storyNBA Announces: The Russians are Coming! As Putin Protege Moves to Buy NY NETS and Gains Rights to Shooting Guard Gilbert Arenas!
The NBA announced today it was one step closer to approving the 'buy in' of Mikhail Prokhorov, Billionaire Putin Protege for a professional basketball team, and the suspension of the suspension of Point & Shoot Guard Gilbert Arenas who was also w...
Read full storyConan O'Brien Says He Misses New York So Much He Can Almost Taste It
HOLLYWOOD - The host of The Tonight Show, Conan O'Brien says that he wants to return to New York City. He told his hairstylist Dimples DuJour that he misses New York City so much that each night when he goes to bed he says he can almost taste the...
Read full storyMariah Carey Still Explaining Acceptance Speech
Using the relatively negative press coverage over her recent attempt at an acceptance speech for winning this year's "Breakthrough Actress Award", Carey and her publicists are spinning her poor showing on stage with follow up explanations and photo o...
Read full storySuccess of Conjoined Spoof Twins Cause More Follywood Madness: Tila Tequila & Lindsay Lohan Now Stuck with Each Other After Super Glue Sex Game!
Upset over the untimely death of her 'wifey', and distraught over being pushed off the front pages of most global tabloids by a pair of conjoined twins, Teila Tequila made yet another bid for fame by Super Gluing her Ass to Lindsay Lohan in a bizarr...
Read full storyCasey Johnson's will 'leaves half $$$s fortune to Tila Tequila'
Los Angeles - (Probate Mess): Reports from an LA attorney's office claim deceased socialite and pharma heiress Casey Johnson left half her $30 million trust fund to fiancee Tila Tequila. The December 2009 will was drafted shortly after the gals go...
Read full storyAnd here's to you Mrs Robinson, Act 2, Scene 666
Northern Ireland - (Under-Graduate): "Should have paid attention to that Anne Bancroft/Dustin Hoffman film, might have learnt a thing or two! That was the overall consensus in Soremount (sic) this week after the wife of First Minister Peter Robins...
Read full storyJonathon Woss wanted as new Dr Who assistant
Producers of hit Sci Fi series Dr Who want Jonathon Woss the man who simply cannot pronounce the letter R to be Dr Who's new assistant in the Tawdis. Woss is seriously wevewing the situation and will make a decision soon. Woss said "I quite like t...
Read full storyKevin Klym 'not a suspect' as model Paula Sladewski found in blazing Miami dumpster
Miami, Flordia - (OMG!): Rancho Cucamonga, Los Angeles labourer Kevin Klym, Sladewski's boyfriend, is categorically 'not a suspect' North Miami Police said today. The former stripper and Playboy centerfold Paula Sladewski'a body had been discovere...
Read full storyHasselhoff in Drunken Brawl in Glasgow
Baywatch star David Hasselhoff was sacked from Americas Got Talent for boozing. David's constant drinking made his position untenable. How he made it through 4 series of Americas Got Talent is a miracle. The Hoff decided to go for a holiday in Sco...
Read full story'Scott Of The Home Counties' by B.B.C. Bleater
As explorer Robert Scott landed with his men on the icy continent of Antkentica, they were met with sub-zero temperatures and snow and ice. 'Right, men', he said, as they unloaded their Japanese sledges that weren't built to run in such poor weather conditions from their ship the H.M.S. Drama Queen, 'this will be very, very tough.' 'As we're English we have no idea how to manage doing things...
Read full storySaddam Hussein changes his name
An Iraq who unfortunately ended up being called Saddam Hussein after the former leader of Iraq changed his name to try and distance himself from being associated with his namesake who was hanged when the Americans invaded Iraq to take over the countr...
Read full storyKate Gosselin: "My new hair extensions make me look six kids younger, don't you think?"
"I could never have longhair before," explained Kate Gosselin as she sat in a hair salon chair admiring her new hair extensions with a handheld mirror. "You know, because Jon always kept getting bubble gum, popsicle sticks or his sticky fingers stuck up all in it. That's how I ended up with that crazy looking hairdo. I was always having to cut it and all the time it kept getting shorter and shorte...
Read full storyWoman willing to become Gay to be Rosie's lover
News is rolling in from cities all over the States from women expressing their interest in having their names put on a waiting list to become Rosie O'Donnel's next lover. One such woman writes: Dear Rosie, I am 35 years old and very beautiful with a great body. I have never been married and am a virgin. I am not gay but would be willing to change for you. I am financially secure and a...
Read full storyElin and Tiger answer calls
Elin has been approached by so many talk shows that she recently put a special answering unit on her phone that simply says; "No I won't, Yes I am, "I really don't give a damn"! The questions most asked of her were, "Will you appear on the ______ show"? "Are you really divorcing Tiger"? "Do you know where your husband is"? Tiger on the other hand has a special answering unit on his phone...
Read full storyWarren Beatty's "WAD" was biggest ever seen
Being able to interview "hot shot" Warren Beatty about his amazing prowess with women is a much coveted feat in the world of words. I was granted this interview with Mr. Beatty and he was only too eager to talk about it, but he said, "Be advised, this is not an exclusive, you have to grant me permission to talk about this with as many publications as I want". Since I feel this is a small pri...
Read full storyTravolta "rising to the occasion" with Jolie, Brad Pitt approves
Rising to the occasion, the Oh Boy Dough Company of Knead, California has donated a ton of dough already kneaded to the Red Cross. This needy organization will begin baking bagels to ship overseas to our soldiers in Iraq. The Red Cross was ov...
Read full storySkeleton banned from Skeleton World Cup
At the Skeleton World cup in Koenigsee in Germany a skeleton turned up to take part but was denied entry to the competition the skeleton obviously got the wrong idea. Officials banned the skeleton known as Mary Bones from the competition and expl...
Read full storyThe Silence of the Shams
After several weeks of Global Freezing has anybody noticed that mainstream media have stopped giving us our daily brainwashing dose on Global Warming its the silence of the shams. Every day month after month we have been subjected to this theory b...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Shows That She Is Certainly The People's Choice
LOS ANGELES - Young Taylor Swift picked up in 2010, right where she left off in 2009, winning awards. The native of Pennsylvania won the Favorite Female Artist Award. When Taylor went up to receive her award she kept glancing to the sides as she...
Read full storySenior tries to blow up pharmacy with bomb in depends
An angry senior citizen upset over her pharmacies refusal to accept Medicare-B Rx plan for her medications, tried to blow herself up in front of the pharmacy counter at her local Walgroin's store. "I would have been successful too if I hadn't wet...
Read full storyDavid Cameron to enter CBB
Strong speculation that Conservative party leader David Cameron is a late contestant in this years Celebrity Big Brother was today all but confirmed due to the Tory Leader Tweeting mysteriously that he was "off for a reality check" and he may be "bum...
Read full storyTiger Woods - Derek Jeter Gay Sexcapades Exposes Bi-Sexual Tiger
Celeb Jihad is now reporting the surfacing of Tiger Woods' hottest butt slapping adventures and worst nightmare- the exposure of them- and perhaps the true explanation as to why his sponsors have gone into permanent hiding - just as Tiger has. T...
Read full storyCriss Angel disappeared into thin air!
Criss Angel, top illusionist in the city of Las Vegas appears to have disappeared for real. The casino well known to host Criss' famous shows is at a loss as to where the famous performer has gone. Last week during one of his amazing performanc...
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