It was bad news today for Dortchen Wilde of Delamere Forest when local council officials closed down her home on basic failures of the building regulations.
Dortchen, locally known as The Wicked Witch, lived in a gingerbread house. Though nothing had been proven, she was strongly suspected in the case of disappearing children in the Delamere area. Trails of breadcrumbs litter the area around her house, causing a local rodent infestation, one of contributing factors that led to the local council to investigate her.
Upon investigation building inspectors discovered basic failures in the building regulations.
"For a start off," said Robert Hansel of the council Planning Department, "her house was made from chocolate, sugar candy and gingerbread. The load bearing capabilities of gingerbread are quite poor, and there was a structural integrity problem regarding the Toblerone RSJs bridging the doors. We fear for anybody who attempts to go into the attic."
A more detailed analysis showed that the roof was pitched at an angle suitable for slices of gingerbread, but well outside of the parameters laid down in the regulations.
With the house being made from confectionery, Food Standards Agency officials were brought in, who decreed that storing edible material outside was an instant violation.
"In addition," said Gretel Wisseman from the FSA, "The oven is held in place using marzipan, which has a low melting point. This is a danger, and could cause the combustion of the gingerbread roof beams."
Ms Wilde was unavailable for comment, after having a house land on her, during a freak tornado storm.
