Sea Lion Meat Mysteriously Turns on the Menu in San Fran Franscio

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Friday, 8 January 2010

image for Sea Lion Meat Mysteriously Turns on the Menu in San Fran Franscio
Contact Police if you have you seen this sea lion on your dinner plate

San Francisco - Police detectives think they may know what has happened to the 1500 sea lions that mysteriously disappeared from fabled Pier 39 on the bay. Starting in November of last year residents began noticing fewer and fewer of the sea lions on the pier each day. Yesterday, acting on an anonymous tip left on their Crime Watch tip phone, police arrested Morris Momis of Oakland for "the senseless slaughter of sea lions."

According to a signed confession obtained by police Mr. Momis said he used an anchovy 'bread trail' to lure the naïve and unsuspecting sea lions through miles of dark San Francisco streets and across the Oakland bridge and into his basement on Willard Street. Acting in the early morning hours before dawn, Mr. Momis said no one seemed to notice or care. "People saws the sea lions, but hey, this is San Francisco, you know". There the police say, the sea lions were beaten senseless with a giant wooden decorative spoon and rendered into Fish Sauce that was sold in China Town.

Cathy MeJaing, owner of Ancient Secret Chinese food store said Mr. Momis was a nice young man who sold her over 55 gallons of the Fish Sauce. "I bought it in bulk, like every other store did," she said. "How was I to know? Those poor seals."

Mr. Momis's neighbor Janis Joplin, no relation to the deceased blues singer, recalled hearing strange 'bleating sounds' emanation from next door but thought nothing of it. Her roommate Sunrise Splendid reacted in horror when told and could only mutter, "Those poor seals. I wonder if I should keep the Fish Sauce now?"

When Momis could no longer dispose of the sea lions as Fish Sauce he also sold the meat as a topping to area pizza parlors.

Momis confessed that he lost his job as a real estate agent last year and that he became desperate. "At first I lured one home as an easy meal. But after that they just kept on coming and coming. What was I supposed to do?"

Arraignment will be held Monday in the County Courthouse.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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