Christopher Hitchens Writes Autobiography

Friday, 8 January 2010


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Has His Life Been Foggy?

The rumors are true and author Christopher Hitchens has written his autobiography. Hitchens, the author of So Many Men's Rooms, So Little Time, wants to reveal all so to speak.

Hitchens is infamous for defending former Idaho Senator Larry Craig who searched for quick sex in a men's room at the Minnesota-St. Paul International Airport. In fact, Hitchens said, "54% of men seek quickie sex in men's restrooms. And I, for one, have no problem with that."

The autobiography is expected to be a tell-all and Hitchens will drop names like Bill Maher, former President Jimmy Carter, Queen Elizabeth II, and his true thoughts on President Obama.

A sneak peak at the autobiography revealed that Mr. Hitchens is actually not capable of appearing on live television unless he is intoxicated, something many of his fans have wondered for quite some time.

"I get nervous," Hitchens writes. "I want people to like me. I mean really like me." Even with this Sally Field-like revelation and admission, it's hard to tell if fans will accept or reject the idea of an admitted alcoholic who claims to be an expert on almost every topic, is capable of writing his own life story.

Referred to as a writer, activist, and political insider, Hitchens disappointed the State of New Mexico when his Vanity Fair Magazine article about traveling along Route 66 in his little Corvette stunned Native Americans in Gallup, New Mexico by calling them "low-lifes and trailer trash who wouldn't even let me pee without trying to sell me their wares."

Most publisher insiders aren't placing big bets on the success of Hitchens' autobiography saying the title, "Why I'm So Badass" will turn away most readers. Critics of Hitchens US Citizenship have begged the Immigration Department to send him packing back to England, where he was born.

"He's really not one of us," said former Senator Larry Craig, "but we have visited many of the same restrooms." Why I'm So Badass is expected to hit bookstores early this summer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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