Live TV debate to determine "The One True Religion"
Sky, The BBC and ITV have agreed on the rules governing the format of a TV debate which seeks to determine the single true religion for the human race over the next millennium. The Pope, the Dalai Lama and Dr Muhammed Bari of the Muslim Council of...
Read full storyDiego Maradona and Lionel Messi to record World Cup song
The two greatest Argentine footballers of the last 30 years are set to record a song for the World Cup called El Futbol es Voler a Casa. Diego Maradona and Lionel Messi will be accompanied by the lead singer of top Argentine pop group Relampago S...
Read full storyPope French Letter Reignites Abuse Row
Vatican Shitty - (Nasty Ass Mess): A French letter said to have been used by the Pope in 1945 before becoming pontiff is at the core of a new row about the old duffer. The latex Humperdink Jumbo prototype, originally manufactured for German midge...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe And Emma Watson Could Be The New Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart
Eccentric British film director Buffty Ginslinger today announced in a Soho pub that he has a grand plan to reinvent Harry Potter stars Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson into a British version of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, the Twilight duo.
Read full storyElizabeth Taylor to marry Dr Conrad Murray lookalike
Hollywood - (Prenup): Determined to out-Zsa Zsa Gabor nine times married Hungarian actress/socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor seventy eight year-old screen legend Elizabeth Taylor is getting hitched. And the object of her nuptial desires is Dr Conrad Murray...
Read full storyKatie Price Misses Chance To Make Money
Glamour model, businesswoman, mum and media mogul, Katie Price, shocked the nation at lunchtime when she failed to make any money during her appearance on Celebrity Bargain Hunt. The show's complex format, which has previously won the highly accla...
Read full storyNew Vibrator Fights Cavities and Whitens Teeth
Acting on a recent scientific study that claims ninety five percent of people, women and otherwise, that purchase a dildo use it orally Horny Goat Pharmaceuticals has developed the 'Megatasker'. The ingenious idea uses a revolutionary toothpaste...
Read full storyNinja Stripper Vampires to Sing National Anthem at NCAA Basketball Championship Game
The Ninja Stripper Vampires, a new singing group not to be confused with the Naked Samurai Zombies, will perform the National Anthem at the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Championship Game. The group, which has rocketed to the top of the charts an...
Read full storySpartanburg County Council Passes Anti-Hammer Law
Reacting to the increased use of hammers, in home and business break-ins during the last two years, the Spartanburg County Council voted 43 to 1 to pass this landmark Anti-Hammer Law. Councilwoman Billie Joe Smith/Wesson was quoted as saying " We hav...
Read full storyJohn Prescott knows about egg on face and comes to the rescue
Top twit of the year award goes to that used to be Labour candidate Stuart McLennan. He's even more of a twit than that trio of public school twits, Cameron, Osbourne and Johnson. Even more than Reid and Pricey could be, he has outwitted them. Old...
Read full storyMary Potter and the Tempest in her Womb Part 3
Mary Potter had enjoyed waking up to the Dawn chorus but The Vicar of Dibley had to bid her farewell and the comic Troubadors went on their merry way. Armo Gusofftopic was fair relieved to see them departeth from the forest because theis meant he...
Read full storyFellow Brits - Come to Canada, Gas is cheaper
I was sorry to read that fellow Brits. are hurting again at the pumps. Many Brits. from North East England, fed up with rising prices at the pumps, decided to emigrate to Canada in the early 80's and are we are ever so glad we did. Reaching almo...
Read full storyWilliam says Stuart MacLennan-Twitter scandal are reasons why Labour will lose
According to William Murray - a 101-year old bagpiper from the guid old Scottish Highlands, micro-blogger Stuart MacLennan has hammered another nail in the Labour Party's coffin. "Nae gonna win" harrumphed the old codger - a fighter for Scottish i...
Read full storyAugusta Patron Describes Drone Attack: "Pungent Odor Of Burning Poontang"
Dateline Augusta: Yesterday's Predator Drone missile attack on one of Tiger's skanks caught rapelling down a rope from a hovering helicopter was largely ignored by ESPN and the Golf Channel. A patron who would not give his name described the scene:...
Read full storyTaiwan have their own Susan Boyle, he's fat, ugly and sings like a Nightingale!
The Taiwanese talent show "One Million Star" has thrown up a competitor for Britain's Susan Boyle and Paul Potts. He is ugly, fat and sings like an escaped nightingale just like Susan and Paul. He bowled the judges over with his superb voice and n...
Read full storyKristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson to Head All Star Cast in 'Clash of the Avatars'
James Cameroon announced today that he will team up with Louis Letterrear for the next 3-D blockbuster 'Clash of the Avatars' starring none other than the hottest Hollywood couple going Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. In addition to the twilig...
Read full storyIn News Today
I wasn't going to write anymore today but, god damn it, The Spoof is making me. So.. In News Today Sandra Bullocks responds to rumors about having a sex tape with her husband. I know denial when I see it. Plus Hollywood sex tapes are nothing special anyway, so no need to give a shit. I mean, come one, you're famous. Hire James Cameron to shoot it or something. What else is interesting the...
Read full story'Contrite' Brown Grabs Election Lead
Gordon Brown grabbed a shock lead in the opinion polls today when he apologized for "serious errors" in his management of the British economy. Often shaken by sobs, a contrite Mr Brown told a packed meeting in Ditchwater that he had been a total half...
Read full storyLocal Man Not Our Local Man
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was horrified this lunchtime when he went surfing on the internet and found a story about a local man in Columbus, Ohio, USA, who has apparently been fined and imprisoned for slapping little kids in a Walmart store. "...
Read full storyS & M: GOP Wet Dream
Sarah (Palin) and Michele (Bachmann) came to Minnesota this past week and according to the latest public opinion poll, they are a GOP wet dream. S & M took the crowd by storm. In what one reporter described as a combination of Joan of Arc, El...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Shows Off Her New Thigh High Barbed Wire Tattoo To The Norwegians
OSLO, Norway - Cheryl Cole flew up to Norway on a promotional tour for her latest single and video "Parachute." The music video was choreographed by her BFF Derek Hough, who also danced with Chezza in the dance number. The versatile Hough also pla...
Read full storyStuart MacLennan Signs Up For The Spoof
Controversial ex-Labour Party potential candidate Stuart MacLennan today announced that he'd had enough of all the Westminster hypocrisy, the chavs on Stirling station, ugly old boots in trains, coffin dodgers, etc and has announced that from this po...
Read full storyUnwanted Boy Sent Back By Parents
An unwanted adopted boy has been returned to his homeland. The little boy, called Gordon Brown, looked forlorn as he waited at Glasgow airport yesterday. He was about to return to the land of anonymity, which he had left only a few years ago. Gord...
Read full storyPirate Captain Writer Morse Exposed As An Imposter
Shocking news just in. Reports we're hearing are that the Spoofologist, Pirate Captain, Breast Afficionado, and staunch Democrat known as Morse is in fact an imposter. A source told us that the person currently masquerading as Morse is not the rea...
Read full storyStuart MacLennan - 'I'm Very Sorry, I've Been a Right T**t'
Sacked Labour Party one-time prospective candidate Stuart MacLennan issued a full and unreserved apology for his disgraceful Twitter postings which labelled political allies and opponents alike as a bunch of t**ts and c**ts and w***ers. The 24 yea...
Read full storyNew Version of Scrabble to allow "Text Speak"
The makers of the word play game Scrabble, are in the process of allowing Proper Nouns, such as Google, Facebook and Aldi, to their repertoire of allowed words. This has angered Scrabble players across the world, but Mattel have indicated that this i...
Read full storyAlex Reid To Be The New Steven Seagal
Eccentric British film director Buffty Ginslinger today told anyone who'd listen that he was desperate to sign cock fighting welsh dresser Alex Reid for a new movie project designed to fill the niche left largely unfilled by Hollywood tough-guy actor...
Read full storyOMG! Is Cheryl's new barbed wire tattoo really an Opus Dei cilice??
Oslo - (Bird On A Wire Mess): "Our Cheryl's not exactly one for mortifying the flesh," Joan Callaghan's cleaning lady's Brazilian epilatrice commented today. "Maybe the tattoo's shambolic, like. Er, symbolic! Kinda Thigh Willy Be Dun crown of tho...
Read full storyThe NeoMetro - April 2010
Hello to all my fellow loft dwellers and flat lifers! Has the NeoMetro got a sweet tweet for you this week! We all know how much you love strutting around the apartment in a state of undress, right? Well, if you are anything like me, then you also know the importance of having reliable locks on your doors while still having those nearly invisible curtains that can be so easily seen through from...
Read full storyMove Over SuBo - Little Fatty's In Da House!
Susan Boyle, the Blackburn balladeer with the voice of an angel had better be right up on her toes and ready to mix it because there's a new kid on the block challenging for her audience. Lin Yu Chun, the singing shopkeeper from Taiwan is a vertic...
Read full storyGrand National Debt Reduction Plan
In a surprise move to cut Britain's gigantic public debt, Chancellor Alistair Darling ordered the Bank of England to print an extra £10 billion in notes and put the lot on The Package in tomorrow's Grand National. The move infuriated Gordon Brown, wh...
Read full storyDem Bones
Johannesburg, April 9 - (thespoof) - Scientists and reporters eagerly gathered around the skeletal remains of a middle aged, ape-like female recently discovered in South Africa. And though now some two million years old, they stated for the record; "...
Read full storyAnother one bites the dust
Prospective candidates, from Truro to Thurso, in the UK General Election are running round like headless chickens as they learn of the removal of a candidate, who Twittered like a twerp and has been caught out. Did a candidate for election to the...
Read full storyInternational dispute over the height of Everest
Everest is the highest mountain on planet Earth, every school child knows this, but how high is it? In 1858, Chinese and Nepalese geographers calculated the height and came up with two different figures. China maintains that Everest is 8844 metres...
Read full storyCamilla, Prince Charles' Main Squeeze, Breaks Leg
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, fell as she stepped into a rabbit hole whilst hill walking in Scotland. Camilla is now sporting a 'plaster' on her leg (a 'cast' to our American and Candian readers). She was apparently looking adoringly into the e...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson now Weatherman
Sir Alex Ferguson, talking to reporters, began predicting the weather during his last interview. It appears he has always wanted to be a t.v. weatherman. Sir Alex told reporters, "We won't have Wayne for Sunday. It's nothing serious as we said"...
Read full storyCamilla/Gerry McCann/Jon Venables a self-inflicted New Labour wound bookies reckon
Cyberspace - (One Fluke Over the Cuckold's Nest): It's a fifth wedding anniversary present to Charles and Camilla from internet spread betting giant Aintgottasprayer.con. And it identifies the Duchess of Cornwall's DNA as the toxic genome blighti...
Read full storyX Factor judge sought
With Dannii Minogue knocked up, the search is now on for a new judge to sit on the panel during the next season of the X factor. Simon Cowell, 23, has announced that a nationwide hunt is to be launched with the results to be screened in a new show...
Read full storyAlternative View: The Republican Party
At this General Election you won't here any news on television, or newspapers about The Republican Party, because most views are censored just like Nazis censored everything that did not agree with Nazi Philosophy. Lets look at the policies of th...
Read full storyGlasgow Patter: The Big Hoose
On a visit to Glasgow try and stay in the City Centre and don't explore some of the way out housing schemes, where drugs, and gang warfare, are rife. There are even some areas where all that matters is whether you are a Catholic, or a Protestant,...
Read full storyMalcolm McLaren To Receive Full State Funeral
Malcolm McLaren, the former Sex Pistols manager who died in a Swiss hospital on Thursday, is to receive a full state funeral preceded by a full week of national mourning, it has been announced. McLaren, 64, died of mesothelioma, a rare form of can...
Read full storyGrand National Spoof Special
Its the Grand National tomorrow the worlds greatest steeplechase, over 4.5 miles and 30 fences at Aintree in Liverpool. The course has such famous fences as Bechers Brook, The Chair, The Canal Turn, Valentines Brook, and the Foinavon Fence where ther...
Read full storyThe Declaration Of /B/ Is Direly Needed
I believe, that a leader is not the strongest man. Nor is he the smartest man. I believe the leader should be the man with the biggest balls. For when the time comes that no amount of strength can solve the problem. And no amount of smarts can remedy the disagreement. That the leader must be able to act with the confidence of a lion. Such confidence, that no one would believe, we're screwed. /...
Read full storyImmoral Uses Of Rubber
A long ass time ago, people were afraid of penises. So afraid of them, that they labeled sex evil and declared condoms immoral. Since then, a lot of sexual revolutions have passed and people learned that sex is natural. Or so I thought. A couple of days ago my fundamentalist Christian friend (I don't know why, don't ask) told me that condoms are the most immoral use for rubber. Naturally,...
Read full storyCheryl Cole's Perfume 'Eau Du Nudeness' Named The World's Best
COPENHAGEN - The International Perfume Institute headquartered in Copenhagen, Denmark has just announced that it has chosen Cheryl Cole's Eau Du Nudeness as the world's number one perfume. IPI executive director Mezzolino Rillanava stated that thi...
Read full storyErykah Badu Flees Texas - Word is That The Disrespectful Neo Soul Ho is Headed For Detroit
AUSTIN - The Department of Texas Rangers has issued an all points bulletin for hip hop soul singer Erykah Badu on charges of indecent exposure. The 39-year-old filmed a video for her song "Window Seat" in Dallas in front of Dealey Plaza in which s...
Read full storyThe Cocks Are Out
After long months of anguish and suffering regular demonstrations from animal rights groups, the University of South Carolina today announced that it was going to drop the name, 'Gamecocks' as its sports logo and mascot. Head football coach Steve...
Read full storyActivist Groups Adapt their Agendas to Heath Care Reform Legislation
Washington DC: The passage of federal health care reform legislation has made left wing activist groups realize that any increased costs incurred by the taxpayers for health care will decrease their own revenue intake. A survey indicated that vari...
Read full storySpider-Man Stuck in Apple iPad, Wants Out
The Apple iPad revolution of 2010 is exciting for the business community. But it's been a complete disaster for at least one person: 48-year-old Spider-Man. Not good news for him that Marvel Comics has developed an app that makes the iPad his new...
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