Dem Bones

Written by Frank Michaels

Friday, 9 April 2010

image for Dem Bones
Dear Old Aunt Agatha

Johannesburg, April 9 - (thespoof) - Scientists and reporters eagerly gathered around the skeletal remains of a middle aged, ape-like female recently discovered in South Africa. And though now some two million years old, they stated for the record; "She is undoubtedly our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, Aunt Agatha."

Archeologists further speculated that she might well be the long-sought after missing link between modern humans and an otherwise unknown, small monkey. "No, she doesn't look anything like us so, we are therefore convinced that she is indeed a direct relation."

On hand for the news conference were representatives of Irrational Geographic and The Royal Society of Bone Collectors. Speaking to the assembly of notables, a tuxedoed chimpanzee, named Ralph, was quoted as saying, "Oooo Ooo Ooo, Eeee Eeee Eeee, Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh."

The speech inspired a standing ovation and the presentation of the prestigious Golden Femur Award, modeled after the bone used in the opening scene of the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Ralph accepted it all quite graciously before taking the gold-clad article in hand, and beating several of the scientists into bloody pulps.

Following the bludgeoning, one surviving academic stated that this was proof positive of the link between men and apes. With that, though, the chimp finished him off by splitting his skull.

Aunt Agatha's remains will next travel to London, and then on to Washington, where on behalf of old dried up bones everywhere, Ralph will be the guest speaker to dignitaries of both nations.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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