Cyberspace - (One Fluke Over the Cuckold's Nest): It's a fifth wedding anniversary present to Charles and Camilla from internet spread betting giant Aintgottasprayer.con.
And it identifies the Duchess of Cornwall's DNA as the toxic genome blighting much of the United Kingdom today.
"All that carefully crafted Camilla hystery is just there to hide a sordid Palace cover-up," the bookies' CEO Dave Mug-Punter commented.
"The industry knows she's really called Elaine Williams and that her Pa is the current Prince Philip clone.
"As for her mother look no further than rapacious former social climber Lady Antonia Fraser whose shagging of the Phil the Greek doppelganger spawned the chimera now 'married' to Charles."
Camilla has stayed resolutely schtum when questioned about being Gerry McCann's birth mother.
And the 40-something Scottish bruiser has never acknowledged Jon Venables as his firstborn.
The DNA trifecta is a triumph of faith over optimism at the UK's National Poisons Unit genome testing labs.