Grand National Debt Reduction Plan

Funny story written by Ivan Ansa

Friday, 9 April 2010

In a surprise move to cut Britain's gigantic public debt, Chancellor Alistair Darling ordered the Bank of England to print an extra £10 billion in notes and put the lot on The Package in tomorrow's Grand National. The move infuriated Gordon Brown, who took it as an attack on his economic judgment, and he ordered Mr Darling to switch the bet to his own selection - Comply Or Die. The odds on Comply Or Die promptly eased from 22-1 to 500-1.

A delighted David Cameron rushed to exploit the latest row between No 10 and No 11. Asked for his selection, he smiled and said "This government has clung on for as long as it could, but now it can't buy time." Meanwhile, tipsters 'Slick Nick' Clegg and 'Vince the Prince' Cable were trying to interest punters in Dream Alliance.

In another surprise move, Bank of England Governor Mervyn King announced that he had appointed a panel of bookmakers to act as Britain's new Financial Stability Council. King said: "Britain's bookmakers have an unrivalled understanding of risk - unlike most of Britain's bankers. Their expertise will be invaluable in preventing a repeat of the crash. When bookmakers accept liabilities on a bet, they know whether the bet is on a horse or a dog, and whether the animal is any good. In recent years, Britain's bankers have made and accepted bets of trillions of pounds on assets they cannot value or understand." Asked for his Grand National selections, the normally mild-mannered Governor growled "Don't push it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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