X-Factor - Rachel Evades The Sing-Off, Danyl Steps In
To everyone's surprise, Rachel Adedeji avoided yet another sing-off in this year's X-Factor due mainly to a change in hairstyle and a rollicking version of Tuna Turner's 'Proud Mary' And then, Simon Cowell's protege, Danyl of the Johnsons, who cle...
Read full storyStephen Fry to sell Crisp'n'Dry
TV GIANT Stephen Fry has been announced as the new face of Crisp'n'Dry. Fry, 59, described the venture as a 'bit of fun' and claimed to have been a lifelong admirer. He remarked: "I'm a massive fan of Mr Potato and one of the nicest ways to eat...
Read full storyX-Factor - Is Louis Losing It?
Showbiz insiders have been expressing concerns over the general well being of X-Factor judge and mentor Louis Walsh, whose emotional stability (to lift a line from an old Marvin Gaye song) appears to be leaving him. It has been well documented tha...
Read full storyUnited Humiliated By Liverpool...Again...
LIVERPOOL 2 MANCHESTER UNITED 0 - Rafa Benitez can sleep easily in his bed tonight as Scouse football fans forgot all about their woes and celebrated yet another win against detested North-West rivals Manchester United, with goals from Torres and som...
Read full storyPedestrians panic as man slips on banana skin.
Britain's pedestrians were said to be 'afraid to leave their homes' today as reports emerged of a Lancashire man slipping on a discarded banana skin and falling comically to the ground. Alan Simpkin was enjoying a breezy autumnal stroll with his d...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson say they are fed up with the world
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson say they are tired of society and its bias against their relationship. They want to start a family together and have decided to move to a Tibetan Shangri-La to do it. Lohan says that she and Ronson will be adopti...
Read full story"Dear Brucie..." This week: 'How to do sex'
"Dear Brucie..." He is one of our national treasures and a showbiz legend. And despite being one of our busiest veterans, Bruce Forsythe gives his views on life and its dilemmas. Hello my loves and welcome to another edition of 'Dear Brucie...' First of all though, what a week it's been. I've been here, there and everywhere. Who says I'm doddery? But back to business. My postbag, unlik...
Read full storyPats Win at Wembley; Skoob Loses at Home by Failing to Gain Brady Interview for the Mrs.!
British soccer fans were treated to a good ole ass whippin today as the New England Patriots flogged the winless Tampa Bay Bucs 28-7, and introduced footy fans to the refreshing 'boy wonder', Marvelous Tom Brady. The lop sided game was kept intere...
Read full storyOfficials Rule Karzai Off Fashion Runway
As though the voter recount in Afghanistan isn't humiliating enough, the impeding runoff between President Karzai and Abdullah Abdullah might actually bounce Karzai from office, as well as the fashion runway. Bad news for this fashion icon. Alway...
Read full storyUS declares common cold 'emergency'
US President Barack Obama has declared the common cold a national emergency. The President signed the Taking Ourselves 2 Seriously proclamation at a jousting tournament in Washington DC last Friday, wearing a crown and surrounded by knights and serva...
Read full storyScottish Anger On Benefit Cuts
Thousands of Scottish job seekers, income support claimers and incapacity claimants have rallied to fight the proposed cut in Scottish benefits by the English Lords. In a statement from the Scottish Social Cost Analysis Board (SSCAB), Jinty McMony...
Read full storyTips for staying healthy
Now that cold and flu season is here, here's some tips, courtesy of TheSpoof.com, for staying healthy. 1. People who exercise regularly usually stay healthier. Try to marry someone like this so they can go to work when you can't. 2. There is a large increase in flu cases after Christmas. Convert to Judaism. 3. If you get sick, try to stay indoors for a few days and drink lots o...
Read full storyEurope want to give Queen her execution rights back
The European Parliament has decided that the British tradition of execution should be reinstated for Christmas. The Queen will get the pleasure of drawing up a list of all the people who have insulted her over the years, then a panel of judges will d...
Read full storyNick Griffin Catches Hell For Saying That Black People Walk Like Basketball Players
LONDON - British National Party Chairman Nick Griffin is catching all kinds of flack for his distressingly disparaging and disingenuously derogatory remarks about people of color (i.e. black) walking like basketball players. The 50-year-old somewh...
Read full storyKanye West Signs The Three Colorado Balloon Boys To A Rap Music Recording Contract
DENVER - Hip-hop rapper Kanye West has just revealed to the music media that he has signed the three Heehaw boys, also known as The Colorado Balloon Boys to a $2 million rap music recording contract. West said that he recently saw a U Tube video t...
Read full storyMan posing as Dante crashes wedding party
The 'Devil May Cry' series have been highly successful, and whenever top Capcom games are mentioned, 'Devil May Cry' is always in the fray. But no one thought they'll be this popular! Sporting as Dante, the main protagonist from the first to the t...
Read full storyScottish Crays Leading The Way
The eyes of the indigenous Scottish Crayfish is inspiring the next generation of computer graphic games, DVD and CD players according to a new study been researched at the University of The Highlands and Islands, based in Fort William. The rare Sc...
Read full storySupreme Court adjusts to "Special Judge"
Washington, D.C. - The Supreme Court is adjusting to their latest appointee, a very special lady who is busy showing that she is, by all accounts, a "trier". She was recently appointed as part of a special federal program where the Supreme Court can...
Read full story"Star Trek" costs humanity a few thousand years.
Proxima Centauri, Milky Way Galaxy - Sentient beings who discovered faster than light travel around the time Carthage was getting destroyed were investigating some phenomena in the region of Proxima Centauri, approximately four light years from us.
Read full storyRanulph Fiennes wins coveted Tibetan award
Many ordinary people across the United Kingdom consider Sir Ranulph Fiennes a bit of a hero, others a bit of a lunatic. He is the quintessential eccentric Brit: the guy who got frostbite, then cut his toe off because it was annoying him. The guy who had a skin graft on his foot, and when it came off in a very hot bath, left the discarded graft on the side for his wife to find. (We love people lik...
Read full storySarah Palin Appears On The Jerry Springer Show
STAMFORD, Connecticut - Ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin finally agreed to appear on The Jerry Springer Show but only on the condition that she be allowed to wear a football helmet. Palin's book Glowing Rouge has just jumped up to #96 on The New...
Read full storyHeather Mills To Perform On Dancing On Ice
LONDON - Sir Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills has just announced that she will be performing on the upcoming edition of Dancing On Ice. Ms. Mills, was married to McCartney for six years and, received a divorce settlement of 24.3 million poun...
Read full storyWindows 7 hailed as an instant success
The arrival of the eagerly awaited Windows 7 has been hailed as an instant success. With people queuing not only around the block but also around the clock in expectation of the new release, company chief executives and directors at resellers were...
Read full storyHate Crimes Should Be Designated National Treasure...Republcan Congressman states
Congressman John Boehner of Ohio stated today on the House floor that there was no need to include sexual orientation in the Hate Crimes bill. "Our country has a long and proud history of hate crimes" Boehner said. Joined by other members of the lea...
Read full storyNick Griffin & BNP to Headline Music Festival
In a move which is certain to cause outrage amongst many festival regulars, it was announced today that the BNP are to headline the Glastonbury music festival in 2010. In a line up which includes The Artic Monkeys, Blur and the Charlatans, the BNP...
Read full storyDefying odds, magician escapes local prison
Yesterday, a Detroit man broke free from the city jail. The sheriff's deputy had handcuffed the man, placed him in a glass encased tank full of water and securely locked all the doors, gates, bars, and buckles that make up the Detroit facility.
Read full storyRoyal "thickhead" Prince Andrew changes career, stops "BONKING" and starts "THINKING" !!!
Spoilt brat, well known "high society screwer" and ex-husband of right royal "screwer" Fergie, has decided to opt for a new career as, THINKER! This surprising re-THINK has opened up plenty of opportunities for the Duke of York to divulge to the public his thoughts on several touchy subjects like for example bankers bonuses, etc! Andy THINKS they're OK, well he is a "bonking moron" and the b...
Read full storyNick the Dickhead once denied the holocaust, now he's really crossed his wireless wires!
BNP leader, Nick Griffin, our loveable, cuddly BNP leader once denied the holocaust, he's an idiot, so what! Anybody who denies the holocaust is a complete idiot! Anybody who is allowed to appear on the BBC with such arguments, is also a complete idiot! Anybody who stands up for the right to express his or her views about the demographic development of the UK, homosexual relationships, im...
Read full storyFreak Accident on I-95
There was an unusual motor vehicle collision on the south-bound lanes of Interstate Highway 95 just outside Savannah, Georgia. Georgia State Police report that a vehicle driven by a dwarf collided with a pick-up truck carrying a pair of Siamese T...
Read full storyCarla Bruni in KFC!
France's First Lady Carla Bruni raised eyebrows when she was seen buying a KFC Bargain Bucket on the outskirts of Paris. Sweeping up to the eaterie in a cavalcade of cars, Bruni stunned on-lookers by heading for the popular restaurant. Staff cl...
Read full storyUK Bank in blatant 'Trick or Treat' thievery
One of the country's high street banks is getting into the festive swing with a special Halloween promotion. Royal and Midland Bank of NatLand will celebrate the recently adopted Transatlantic tradition of blackmail and extortion, better known as...
Read full storyEnglish councils restrict Christmas festivities to avoid offending Amish community of seven
It is with a false patina of regret that many County Councils in the Northwest of the UK have decided, in their extremely finite wisdom, to forbid all commercial Christmas festivities this year, and for the foreseeable future. Not to save offendin...
Read full storyLockerbie cops probe WPC Yvonne Fletcher killers' alibis
Lockerbie - (Big Bang Theory): Scottish police have reopened investigations into Lockerbie bomber Abdelbasset Ali Al-Megrahi's accomplices, previously dubbed as 'imaginary' by Scottish Crown Persecution Service sources. A Mossad supergrass's tipof...
Read full storyIt's Official: UN World Health Organization Declares Obama a Pandemic!
The World Health Organization today issued a Global Warning officially naming Barack Hussein Obama a PANDEMIC! The unprecedented action from an agency more intent on equalizing wealth amongst the world's population, was forced into the proclamati...
Read full storyJordan not related to Jordan
Ex-formula one racing boss Eddie Jordan has today denied that he is the father of the model with whom he shares a name. Mr Jordan issued a statement via his PR company, Sharp and Mendacious Associates, at noon today saying: "I have been forced to...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Involved In Motorcycle Accident
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Actor Brad Pitt was involved in a motorcycle accident while on his way to pick up some milk, eggs, and a loaf of bread from the grocery store. Pitt who was riding alone on his brand new $56,000 imported Croatian chopper was tryin...
Read full storyLouisiana Justice of the Peace Approves of Interspecies Marriages
Louisiana Justice of the Peace stands by his objection to interracial marriages but has no objection to interspecies marriages. Last week reporters traveled deep into the back woods of Louisiana's, Tangipahoa Parish, 8th Ward, to the mobile home...
Read full storyWhite house sends the Marines into Fox studio during live news cast
NEW YORK, NY - According to the chief of security for the 13th floor of the Fox studio building, the Obama administration sent in the Marines to halt a Fox broadcast critical of the Czars. The Marines quickly brought order to the surprised studio, a...
Read full storyThe Streets of Bordello Falls (Chapter Six)
The Streets of Bordello Falls Chapter Six The Rabbi Comes to Town Recap: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 Bordello Falls continues to "grow like Topsy!" There must be at least 1,500 residents, counting the permanent residents, cows, sheep, cow hands, transient miners, roadrunners and banditos. There are new Protestant denomina...
Read full storyJo "The Bush Kangaroo" Wood Gets The Boot on Strictly Come Dancing
LONDON - Jo Wood, the wife of Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood has been eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing. The 54-year-old blonde and her partner Brendan Cole danced a samba song entitled, The More Cowbell Samba Interlude in F Minor. The song...
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