Britain's pedestrians were said to be 'afraid to leave their homes' today as reports emerged of a Lancashire man slipping on a discarded banana skin and falling comically to the ground.
Alan Simpkin was enjoying a breezy autumnal stroll with his dog Burt in tow when he was confronted by the skin and threatened with violence unless he handed over his wallet and mobile phone. The five day old Manzano, described by a passer-by as 'draped in black, unkempt and waving it's flaps maniacally,' reportedly told the man, 'Give me your s**t or you'll slippedy-slip.'
Simpkin, 32, was already shaken by an earlier encounter with a rogue apple core, said to be of the Granny Smith variety.
'It's ridiculous,' he said. 'This used to be a nice neighbourhood but it's getting to the point where decent, hard-working Lancastrians are afraid to leave their homes for fear they might fall and sprain an ankle. Something needs to be done. These fruits are running riot.'
After relinquishing his mobile phone, he hurried to the nearest residence and called the police, who were said to be mulling over a new amendment to the Terrorism Act aimed specifically at combating the growing problem of fruit-based vigilantism.
'Now is not the time for knee-jerk reactions' a Scotland Yard spokesman told us today, 'Which is why we are introducing compulsory searches for all discarded pieces of fruit with a skin-tone darker then beige.'
While Simpkin recuperates at home, the banana skin is still at large.
