Female 'Peeping Tom' Arrested
The New York Police Department arrested a Georgia Tech student on "Peeping Tom" charges on Wednesday morning after she entered a man's bathroom as a male student showered, according to the police report. Officers responded to a call from the seco...
Read full storyI'm Bored Of UB40
It was interesting to hear that UB40 are bored of performing their (s)hit 'Red Red Wine'. Interesting, because I'm bored of hearing it. In fact I'm bored of hearing all their (s)hits, of which there have been far too many. Look, the original lead singer, the little Brummie with that awful nasal whine, got so bored he quit. Why couldn't they all have agreed to do the same thing and just say "fuc...
Read full storyWorld's Fattest Man Not Happy With Spoof Writer Skoob
Rumour has it that the world's fattest man, Saul Manson, of Ipswich is none too pleased about scathing comments posted about him on a satirical website by writer, Skoob1999 Okay, I'll come clean here. That writer is me. I'd like to make it clea...
Read full storyBuckingham Palace Announces Corgi Documentary
LONDON - On the heels of the successful PBS documentary, "Monarchy - The Royal Family at Work," Buckingham Palace today announced that Queen Elizabeth II's cherished Corgi dogs will star in a documentary of their own, "Big Hearts, Small Bladders - Th...
Read full storyGerman Football Team To Wear Bullet Proof Vests
The German football team is to wear bullet proof vests during next year's world cup. The German Football Association's security advisor Gunter Schnell said "Ya, we are so disliked all over the world that our football team needs to wear bullet proof v...
Read full storyHas-been takes on Never-was
New York City, New York - In response to the recent spectacle of some half-baked former governor publishing a tell-all book about herself, a new release is soon expected from an eighties icon. Yes, all you little Hulkamaniacs, the man who could te...
Read full storyGift to Mankind - Mobile Carbon Dioxide Scrubbers
Scientits have made a remarkable breakthrough in carbon dioxide clean-up technology: the carbon dioxide scrubber - converts CO2 to carbon-black particles that float freely in the air. Can be fitted to any car exhaust, cows asses, chimney pots, s...
Read full storyShakira's Hips Have Been Banned In Delaware, Vermont, and Utah
DOVER, Delaware - TV Guideline Magazine is reporting that due to the extremely erotic, sensuous, and sexy-as-hell hip gyrations by Shakira which she performed on Dancing With The Stars, the Colombian-born little firecracker's hips have been banned in...
Read full storyBill Clinton Missing; Presumed Fornicating
New York, NY - Former President Bill Clinton is missing and presumed fornicating at an unknown location. Speaking from Mr. Clinton's office in Harlem, spokesperson Ferris Wheeler said, "We haven't seen him since October 3rd, when he bundled Madame...
Read full storyNaked woman tasered at Mardi Gras for refusing to wear clothing
A naked woman at the Mardi Gras festival didn't want to put on her clothes, so the police wrestled her to the ground and tasered her multiple times. The crowd booed the woman and called her names as she struggled with police. The incident occurr...
Read full storyKelly Osbourne of Dancing With The Stars Hospitalized
HOLLYWOOD - In the latest edition of the reality dancing show / soap opera "As The Mirror Ball Turns" Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne's daughter Kelly was rushed to the hospital. Kelly's partner Louie Van Amstel said that Kelly was suffering a lot of pai...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan is working on a new movie "Go Fish 2"
Lindsay Lohan is reported to be working on the set of her latest movie "Go Fish 2" which is a sequel to the 1994 lesbian film "Go Fish". In the movie Lindsay Lohan plays the role of a restaurant owner who runs "Akina's seafood and sushi". During a...
Read full storyYou Don't Mess With The SAS
Monumental own-goal - BNP leader Prick Griffin has managed to get the SAS's dander up by quoting Winston Churchill and hijacking British military tradition by using our brave men and women to put forward his idiotic racist political agenda. Griffi...
Read full storyHallealuiah! Hand Over Your Mobile Phone
The rise in religious criminals shows no sign of slowing. In America a bank robber wept and discussed Jesus before stealing $20 and a mobile phone. On Sunday at the Immaculate Conception in Wellingborough notorious gangster Father Frank O'Malley...
Read full storyCate Blanchett movie about colonic irrigation in India is cancelled
Mumbai - (Delhi-Belly-Flop): The film, based on Indian Bummer: The Secret Hystery of the U-Bend of an Empire, was to have told the story of Lord Mountbatten, the last viceroy of the British Indian Empire. Hollywood sources commented today that the...
Read full storyBoston terror suspect Tarek Mehanna 'provided material support to terrorists'
Sudbury, Massachusetts - (Rotters): Entering a Not Guilty plea today Mehanna claimed the only support material he had ever had his hands on was some imported lilac Spandex used in the manufacture of maternity brassieres. However FBI sources claim...
Read full storyMassive World War III nuclear device found inside Battersea Power Station
London - (Rotters): The 20 kilotonne device was discovered rammed deep inside one of the defunct power station's chimneys with the inscription 'An Abdication Incentive from Princess Diana'. Army bomb disposal experts said today it appeared to be f...
Read full storyWelshman held in sheep molestation horror
Notorious Welsh sheep molester, Alwyn Glwydd Conwy, was yesterday behind bars after being hoist by his own petard. Conwy's twelve year reign of ovine sexual deviation came to an end when the steroids he had taken to enhance his performance and mak...
Read full storyRafa Teetering On The Edge Of The Abyss
Following last night's capitulation to Lyon at Anfield, Rafa Benitez is a man with huge problems. He faces the very real possibility of bitter rivals Manchester United stuffing his problems down his throat this Sunday, in what will inevitably be call...
Read full storyThe Streets of Bordello Falls (Chapter One)
The Streets of Bordello Falls Chapter One The Railroad Is Coming To Town! Sheriff's Office, Bordello Falls The railroad was coming to town! The railroad was coming to town! No more would Bordello Falls be a sleepy little mining town twenty miles from Tombstone and fifty miles from nowhere. Sheriff Clint Cartwright polished his badge and smiled at the thought of the growth and prosperi...
Read full storyCalls To Restructure Tests For Children
To get assessed on how well a child knows the subject, the child has to be able to demonstrate how well it knows and understands the subject. So why should how good someone is at a subject being based on how good they can demonstrate their abilities which relies on communication skills? Demonstrating abilities through communication is a skill in itself but having to rely on being good at thi...
Read full storyWorld's Fattest Bloke Eats Too Much
Sources have revealed that the world's fattest bloke, Saul Manson, 48, of Ipswich right here in the UK consumes a phenomenal amount of food. The 70 stone (980lbs) blob often hits the chippy for lunch, ordering an incredible: 4 large cod and chi...
Read full storyBanks Lobby Congress For Law Making Credit Card Defaulters indentured Servants
In what seems like an unprecedented move the bank lobby is pressing both the House and the Senate to pass sweeping legislation to designate all citizens who are in default on their credit cards as indentured servants. The legislation will affect mil...
Read full storyA Prawn Wins Formula 1 Championship
There was surprise in the sporting world today when a prawn became the new Formula One world champion. The prawn had escaped from a spectator's prawn cocktail sandwich at the Australian Grand Pres du Manger in March, and had taken cover in one of...
Read full storyUniversal cancels Blanchette film
Film studio Universal has cancelled historical drama American Summer, which was to star Cate Blanchette. The decision to scrap the film - due to be shot in America - was mainly down to lack of subject matter and US government pressure, according to t...
Read full storyPublic outcry over cost of protecting Britain's most hated
Public opinion was unanimous in its condemnation today, as it was revealed by the press that one of Britain's most hated men, and many of his closest cohorts are being given round the clock police protection rumoured to be costing the British taxpaye...
Read full storyAges old mystery solved: women are clueless
Copenhagen, Denmark. Thursday. One of the World's last remaining scientific mysteries has been solved and many people are celebrating tonight. The quest to discover why women can't read road maps has been concluded and the answer will not surpris...
Read full storyThe Marriage of Farfalle to Debut at La Scala
Milan Italy: An amazing musical find was announced today. A lost late 18th Century operatic work, "The Marriage of Farfalle," attributed to Luigi Angelo Marinara was found hidden behind a wall at Trattoria Alfredo. The La Scala Opera House is pla...
Read full storyMicrosoft Announces Windows 8
Microsoft Corporation today announced the imminent release of Windows 8, the follow-up operating system to Windows 7. Features include improved speed provided you upgrade to a higher-performance processor, and a much faster shutdown, known as 'blu...
Read full storyBritain not racist?
Who said we were a multi national, ethnically rich and a happy society? I've just been to Bradford to check a few of these facts out. To my shock, 99% of families failed to contain the correct proportion of ethnic cultures. The new law, The Full...
Read full storyTwiki attacked, Dr. Theopolis forced to watch
New Chicago, Earth - Yesterday, a dented and scratched ambuquad named Twiki was found huddled in the back of Captain Roger's starship, with a distressed Dr. Theopolis laying helpless nearby. It appears a sexual assault was carried out, as evidence...
Read full storyIsraeli army captures last Midianite
Chandler, Arizona - In a lightening raid, and aided by local law enforcement, a seven member team from the Israeli army captured the last Midianite-American. It is believed that he is in actuality, the last Midianite, period. Andy Frank, who had...
Read full storyFrench birth rate boost: Aphrodisiac bread and V.A.T. on condoms
French M.P.s, worried that France has become a nation of old people, have voted two measures to boost the nation's birth rate. One measure is that the French baguette is to be enhanced with an aphrodisiac substance, while V.A.T. is to be slapped o...
Read full storyIf Jesus had been born in America
Bethlehem, Idaho, December 1979 - DFYS were called in by a concerned citizen who noticed that a family was staying in a barn. Upon arrival, they took into care a minor child, Jesus Nazarene, who had been placed in a feeding trough by his mother, Mary Nazarene. The intervention was not without some incident, as the boy's father, Joseph Nazarene attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Throws Handbag at Paparazzi.
We all get a little desperate sometimes. And who can blame poor Kristen for this? Paparazzi must really get on her nerves, and who wouldn't snap? But it's good that Kristen can laugh about it because, we surely can. It all started normally. Leavi...
Read full storyAmerican Medical Association Defines Liberalism as a Disease
Doctors working at the Univ. of TX., in Austin have petitioned the American Medical Association to define and treat Liberalism as a disease, not unlike Alcoholism. After evaluating the study the AMA has agreed. Liberal behavior, they define as mixtur...
Read full storyDr. Sam Beckett leaps into murder victim
Volusia County, Florida - Dr. Sam Beckett, head of the Quantum Leap Project, and now distressed time traveller, finally leaped into the wrong person. For years he has leapt into people throughout his own personal lifespan, "setting right what onc...
Read full storyOctuMom and Jon Gosselin To Star In 'Jon and Octy Plus 22'
LOS ANGELES - In a move that surprised even Larry King, OctuMom and Jon Gosselin have announced that they have just signed a deal with the brand new Stimulus Program Network to star in a new reality show called Jon and Octy Plus 22. OctuMom, Nadya...
Read full storyConspiracy nut still wonders about Glenn Beck
Tampa, Florida - Taxi cab driver, loner and conspiracy theorist Gib Melson is worried. It started when he saw a large volume of spoof news, satires and jokes about the rape and murder of a girl in 1990, and people pretending that maybe a Fox News re...
Read full storySports Sphere Magazine (Fall Edition)
The following is a question and answer column that appears within the sports section of Sports Sphere Magazine. Dear Sports Sidekick: I am 43-years-old and I have been a Green Bay Packers fan since I was 10 months old. My boss who is a Chicago Bears fan says that the Packers name comes from a pornographic term for [EXPLICIT TERM DELETED BY EDITOR]. Is that true? Gorzento Sangiovese Green Bay,...
Read full storyNooks vs. Kindles: All-out War in U.S.
The Kindle, Amazon's electronic reader, is furious that there's a new kid on the block: the "Nook" by Barnes & Noble. No welcome wagon is in evidence. "Copycat, copycat," screams the Kindle, remarking on the many similarities between...
Read full storyNazi who stole vowels from Wales caught!
Cardiff, Wales - A long national nightmare is at an end with the capture of 84 year old Heinrich Kluge, and his cache of stolen vowels. The tale started in 1945 when Nazi Germany was pressed in on all sides by Allied forces. A lone operative, in...
Read full storyCamilla Does It With Craig Revel Horwood (The Cha Cha Cha That Is)
LONDON - The Duchess of Cornwall did a fairly good job on her cha cha cha dance number which she performed with Strictly Come Dancing Judge Craig Revel Horwood at London's St. Chips Welsh Primary School. The Duchess dressed in a blue dress, black...
Read full storyCarol Costello Says Rush Limbaugh Is A Bully - Rush Says He'll Kick Her Keister
NEW YORK CITY - Conservative political pundit Rush Limbaugh said that the person he despises more than anyone else right now is Carol Costello. Costello, no relation to Lou Costello, is a Caucasian correspondent for CNN. She has made it very clear...
Read full storyAmerica's first mass murderer dies, government mourns
Trenton, New Jersey - Howard Unruh, who killed 13 people in 1949 in what is believed to be America's first mass murder spree since we had Native Americans to slaughter, is dead at 88 years of age. Our government mourns. When Howard was but 28,...
Read full storyChurch of the Living Dead
What started as a huddle of bodies on the streets of Bluebank, West Virginia in the late 1970's has slowly amassed into a movement across age, race, and even nationality. The Church of the Living Dead figures into the spiritual scene every bit as...
Read full storyTeen hassling mall cop is unaware of his fate
Santa Fe, New Mexico - Dirk Johnson, 16, and known to his friends and himself as a "bad boy", spends most of his time giving grief to a local mall security guard. Dirk is blissfully unaware of his fate. Dirk does rather poorly in school, mainly f...
Read full storyTribunal to Producer, "Dude, you raped a kid and ran."
Geneva, Switzerland - A tribunal stared at the infamous movie producer for thirty seconds, after hearing his heartfelt pleas that he'd return - this time for sure - if he was released on bail. After the thirty seconds of looking at him incredulous...
Read full storySuburban teen still waiting for his pot
Lincoln, Nebraska - It is now hour five, and suburban boy Phillip Reardon is starting to think that the drug dealer he met may not be coming back. It started when Phil and some of his friends decided that they wanted to try some weed, like his old...
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