Postman Pat on strike
Postman Pat and his communist sympathiser colleagues have threatened to hold the country to ransom next week by refusing to deliver mail. Businesses up and down the country are fearful of the economic consequences, and are having to resort to othe...
Read full storySarah Palin's New Book Is #97 (With a Moose Bullet) On The New Jersey Best Seller List
PASSAIC, New Jersey - The much-awaited new book from the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has just reached #97 on The New Jersey Best Seller List. The book by noted New Jersey writer Vinnie DeStefano is entitled, Glowing Rouge which is a ref...
Read full storySuperFriends revealed!
WICHITA, Kansas - In 1973 Wendy Harris was recruited by Superfriends at the age of 15. Specifically by Batman, as she was the niece of Detective Harris, the man who had been Batman's mentor when he was but a Bat Boy. She was fired two years later and...
Read full storySupercop: How I Do It
The policeman dubbed Supercop due to the number of arrests he makes has explained the nature of his success. It's all down to good old fashioned community police work. Sargeant Peter Pinto said "Getting to know your criminals is a big help."...
Read full storyComic strip characters suffer at the hands of police 'thugs'
Legendary 'Beano' comic strip character, 'Dennis De Menezes', hit out today at what he described as 'Heavy handed police tactics', during the quelling of the recent 'Bash Street' riots. "I distinctly saw Lord Snooty and the Bash Street Kids bein...
Read full story'Vegetarian' Spider May Not Be a Vegetarian
Scientists recently stunned the world by saying that they had discovered the world's first vegetarian spider. "Not so," claim his friends. Spiders the world over have contacted reporters to say that the story is not all that it seems. They ar...
Read full storyMonkee's Davey Jones Escapes Media Zoo, Attacks Old Bandmates!
Ex-Monkee's, (a cheap imitation of the Beatles whom most could not even play their own instruments at first) lead singer Davey Jones has nothing good to say about members of his former group. In a recent interview, Jones let it all hang out.
Read full storyObama To Play For England
In a controversial move, Fabio Capello has selected Barack Obama in his latest England squad. "He reminds me so much of David Beckham. Everyone asks 'How did he get there and how is he still there?' but Obama is a winner-even if everyone around him i...
Read full storyAmitabh Bachchan looks for integrity at MiD Day!
Superstar Amitabh Bachchan, 67, fought a long legal battle to clear his name in the Rs 63 crore Bofors payoff deal back in the day. He like his movie character "Vijay" fought single handily against the government and defeated them. He fought health i...
Read full storyElton John to Re-Write "Candle In The Wind" (Again)
At the death of Princess Diana, Musician Elton John rewrote his song "Candle in the Wind" as "Goodbye England's Rose." In response to the opinions of several blowhards recently, the singer has rewritten the song as "Farting Into The Wind." The song...
Read full storyPanto Season almost upon us. Oh no it isn't!
As the panto season approaches, so the number of 'D' list celebrities vying for a place amongst the spotlights and balsa-wood stage sets grows. Christy Bigguns, the fulsome, yet questionable actor of yesteryear, is assured of a place within both t...
Read full storyMusharraf wants 'stone-throwing' and running with 'bum bombs' as an event at London 2012
ISLAMABAD - PAKISTAN: Musharraf is unhappy with the selection of individual events for London 2012. The ex-President-Army Chief-teller of tall tales who is on a 'lecture tour' (aka hiding from the law) in the UK, ran out of ideas on how to win the wa...
Read full storyAnton De Gormless divides nation with ground breaking performance
British artist and social commentator, Anton De Gormless, once again divided national opinion with his latest venture 'Pigs Might Fly'. De Gormless recruited over one hundred artists, enthusiastic members of the public and sundry ne'er do wells to...
Read full storyLondon bar launches Bad Buttocks Procedure cocktail
London - (Rat & Parrot): "Guys, I've named it after Mexican rock star sensation Alejandra Guzman," barman Dave Spritzer told reporters today. The 21 year-old Latin Grammy winner imortalising the three parts Tequila, two parts rattlesnake semen...
Read full storyBigfoot Gets Stuck In Port-O-Potty
Jefferson County, Florida - Jefferson County, Florida police today responded to reports by terrified drivers that a port-o-potty was smashing into the vehicles of early morning commuters. As it turns out the 7 am commute along Happs Rd on the so...
Read full storyNude Photo of Jennifer Lopez Mistaken for Missing Chihuahua
Posted on several utility poles and small shop windows around the upscale California community of Bel Aire, a blurry close up of what looked to be the triangular head of a Mexican Hairless Chihuahua buffeted by two pillows, was accompanied by three w...
Read full storySir Paul Mc Cartney, Dame Vera Lynn prove the point, Brit music is geriatric and unsellable!
The latest music awards have proven that the once so proud Brit music industry which, once conquered the world, is drying up even faster than the Dead Sea and CRAP! ex-World beaters, The Beatles, Stones, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, T...
Read full story"Beware of Prophets who Profit"
A documentary entitled "Where R They Now?" has followed the lives of 10 convicted con-artists released back into the community. Two went back to prison and eight joined the Global Warming campaign spurned on by their ex-colleagues who have made...
Read full storyTuna Fisherman Capture Fish Who Claims His Name is Henry Limpet
Tuna fisherman off the coast of Newfoundland have captured a large fish wearing glasses. The fish in question begin speaking to them, telling them that his name was Henry Limpet and that he needed to be released. Mr. Limpet claimed that he was in t...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney Secretly Marries Heidi Klum
Surprising even the most diligent of paparazzi and scab entertainment reporters alike, a recent announcement from Las Vegas tells of a secretive private wedding between movie box office sensation George Clooney and former super model turned cable tel...
Read full storyWhite House Hires Official Dingleberry Trimmer for Bo
The Office of Management and Budget has been requested by Presidential Order to release $115,000 per year to hire an official White House Groomer for Bo, the first pet. This groomer will have a small office in the Executive Office Building and will...
Read full storyGirl charged with criminal recklessness over attempted liaison
A 14 year old girl was today charged with criminal recklessness for attempting to organize a meeting with an older man. The girl, whose name has been withheld for legal reasons, is alleged to have contacted 25 year old Philip Oldsmith over the so...
Read full storyThe Old Bookseller
My friend lives in Hougang Ave 8. One evening he went to town for a movie with his friends. He was having a lot fun before he realized it was getting very late. He quickly made his way home. It was unusually dark and creepy that night. As he was walking, he was astonished to find an old, creepy-looking street peddler selling some books along the road. It gave him the shivers when he noticed thi...
Read full storyAfghan Surge prompts joy amongst junkies
Washington, D.C. - President Obama, dimed out by the British Press, is now contemplating just how many soldiers to send to the black hole of teens and tax-dollars that is Kabul. At stake is one of the key goals of American foreign policy, the cont...
Read full storyTop 12 Reasons That This May Just Be The Worst Halloween Ever!
12. Every single shopper at WallyMart: Skinny as a rail! 11. You hear footsteps on the street behind you but when you turn around, not only is no one there but something gooses you in the ass! 10. Every station on the radio has Alice Cooper as it's host. 9. Complete quiet at the local library except occassional cry of "BRAINS!" 8. When interviewing for a job at Micky D's, the boss man...
Read full storyVegemite Removed From Shelves After Man Complains "It Tastes Like Shite!"
It may be the end of the line for one of Australia's most famous products tonight, after a supermarket decided to remove Vegemite from its shelves when a man complained that it tasted a bit like faeces. The man, from England, had licked some Vegem...
Read full storyGovernment calls for new "intellect tax"
The government today called for a new tax to be levied on the intellectually gifted, with the aim of helping those with a lesser degree of intellect. Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman explained, "It is fundamentally unfair that some people are m...
Read full storyMother flees with child to avoid health ruling
CONCORD, Massachusetts - In a flagrant violation of a court order, Margaret "Meg" March-Brooks has fled with her minor child John "Demi" Brooks, rather then see him receive the medical care he so desperately needs. A court ordered examination las...
Read full storyBritney Spears Pissed Over Bookings Outrage!
"I don't know what that one idiot agent I had was smoking or huffing but he's never working in show business again. I am suing him, he'll be on welfare for the rest of his days!" A very angry Britney Spears wasn't holding anything back after a hug...
Read full storyMrs. DeWinter's first name found
CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts - In a large research facility staffed with hundreds of English Literature professors, three Cray II supercomputers and noted mathematician Andrew Wiles, the search for the long unknown name of the second Mrs. DeWinter has fi...
Read full storyVice Versa Syndrome remains rampant
Atlanta, Georgia - The CDC announced that in spite of billions of dollars of research money having been invested, scientists are no closer to a cure for Vice Versa Syndrome then they were in 1882 when it was first identified. Vice Versa is a synd...
Read full storyHomeland Security Alerted After First Mexican Short Range Missile Attack Documented in Los Angeles!
Los Angeles,Ca. Defcon 3 Alert - A 16 year old Mexican-American high school student was arrested today and charged with launching a 'deadly missile' during a low speed encounter on the Los Angeles Freeway with a student from a rival gang. Roberto...
Read full storyTexas man asks wife to cry rape
Austin, Texas - Chris Jenkins, recently laid off from the Ayers Tool and Die factory, has asked his wife Helen to accuse him of rape. Given that job prospects for either are scant, she has agreed. "I love Chris", said Helen, "But we need the mone...
Read full storyMayor Bloomberg and his ferrets
New York, Thursday. The Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg, has revealed that in his spare time he likes nothing better than placing Canadian ferrets down his pants, in the time honoured fashion of old European migrants. Bloomberg says that he...
Read full storyBarrack And Michelle Spend Week in Bed For Peace
Washington,D.C.-Michelle and Barrack Obama have taken to bed for a week to promote world peace. The announcement came on the heals of the president's winning of the Nobel Peace Prize for Inactivity by a World Leader. The couple plans on spending t...
Read full storyLimbaugh's NFL Rams Bid Denied; Rap Group Buys into Dolphins: What's the Name of Dat Tune?
A high powered group of wealthy business men announced today that Rush Limbaugh was being dropped from the syndicate recently organized to buy the St. Louis, Rams, a financially strapped, and athletically challenged National Football League Team.
Read full storyTatum O'Neal tipped for Jaycee Dugard movie role
Los Angeles - (Touch Of Evil): Jaycee Dugard lookalike actress Tatum O'Neal is the top contender to play Lake Tahoe abductee Jaycee Dugard. The movie deal is reported as having 'absolutely no connection' to stories that someone wants fugitive from...
Read full storyYates of the Yard poised to pounce in 1988 Kenya murder mystery
London - (Rotters): Was a rogue Mossad/KGB operative involved in the unsolved 1988 Kenyan death of UK photographer Julie Ward? Nairobi Police Department officials are saying nothing. However a recent official visit from former Cash-for-Honour...
Read full storyTop model Inès beats Carla Bruni to 'most psychic in Paris' title
Paris - (Formidable!): Parisians have voted overwhelmingly for dusky doe-eyed model Inès de la Fressange as the most psychic woman in France, relegating First Lady Carla Brunei-Sarkozy to position No#69. "Ha, if madame Sarkozy 'ad ever been presci...
Read full storyAthletes Sex Tests: Nude Scanner to be used
It has been announced that all athletes who will be competing in future athletic events will undergo compulsory nude scanner tests. The testing is to prevent gender rows in future games. The scanner that will be used will be similar to the one...
Read full storyTantrum Prime Minister Brown smashing up computers and mobile phones!
LONDON: As part of Her Majesty's Government's scrappage scheme to get the economy moving again, Brown launches a few laptops and mobile phones against the walls of Number 10, in a new initiative to save the world!! In this intriguing and insightful...
Read full storyArctic Ocean to be ice-free in summer: Sarkozy says 'So is Paris already'
French president Nicolas Sarkozy has scoffed at the announcement by a University of Cambridge professor that the Arctic Ocean will soon - within a decade - be ice-free in the months of summer. Monsieur Sarkozy, addressing the French Academy of Sci...
Read full storyIdiot of the month
Idiot of the month (so far) Three Simple rules for the perfect crime. 1. Take the money 2. Head to Mexico 3. Don't brag on Facebook Oh Maxi Sopo, so close to a full house and a life time in the sun, but how little you must know about the power of social networking. Maxi Sopo, a fugitive on the run has been caught out by the newly diagnosed status update obsession (In my head I'm a do...
Read full storyPresident Obama Gets Down And Salsas With Thalia
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama showed that he can get out on the dance floor and salsa with the best of them. One of Mexico's most popular singers Thalia, 37, was the featured performer at The Latina and Latino Fiesta Fandango Festival...
Read full storyCrinkley Bottom taken over by 'ravers' says MI5
The British public were in mourning today, as MI5 released previously classified pictures of one of the country's national treasures, 'Blobbyland', which is part of the huge, but crumbling 'Crinkley Bottom' conglomerate. The once popular theme par...
Read full storyMeth Tactics: Cold Medicine
Red Rock, Wyoming - In this city, which unbeknownst to our government is the Meth Capital of America, the local citizens have passed a new ordinance banning the sale of gasoline. "We had to do it.", reported Mayor Johnstone of Red Rock, "The Meth...
Read full storyThe Punk Who Burglarized Lindsay Lohan's Home Is Caught
CALABASAS, California - The individual who reportedly broke into Lindsay Lohan's home last month has been arrested by Officer Zack Crossrail of the Calabasas Police Department. Officer Crossrail stopped Nathan Pruganzinski on account his car was m...
Read full storyBlack man released in kidnapping case
Huntsville, Alabama - On September 14th, it was reported that an 11 year old boy, fearful of showing his parents a poor report card, had made up a story involving his being kidnapped by a man in a "beat up car", but being able to escape with only his...
Read full storyObama Noble Prize justified by Nobel Committee
OSLO, Norway - Members of the Nobel Awards Make Better Living for All (NAMBLA) have released a statement to defray the criticism of their Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama for his then ten days in office. They have been underfire due to cit...
Read full storyHarold Lauder saves Boulder!
BOULDER, Colorado - The first meeting of the Boulder Free Zone having just been concluded, all the buzz now is about wunderkind Harold Lauder, who stole the show yesterday evening. Having opened with the National Anthem, and having read and ratified the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, it came time to worry about the election of the leadership. The ad-hoc committee was all well and good, b...
Read full storyJon Gosselin Says He Will Never Ever Do Another Reality Show
PITTSBURGH - Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 was in town as a guest of the annual Feinz Ketchup Stockholders Convention. He was asked if he was still going to be doing his TLC reality show. Jon rolled his eyes and said that he was so fed up wi...
Read full storyInternational Business Wales Promote "Fast Delivery"
New Yorkers Agog at Scenes outside the Chrysler Building - passersby got the shock of their lives when it started to rain desks, chairs and PCs onto Lexington Avenue alongside the art-decor Chrysler Building in New York City. In scenes not seen s...
Read full storyBrett Favre Retires
St.Paul, Mn.- Vikings Quarterback, Brett Farve, has retired after He woke with a start and realized he had fallen asleep at a post-game party given in his honor. Still groggy, he took a sip from his cocktail and spit it out. "Damn!" he said, "The ic...
Read full storyMegan Fox to be New Underwear Model
Actress Megan Fox, star of the Transformers movies, is known for having little acting ability but two nice talents. She recently signed a contract to model underwear and will put those talents out there for all of the world to see in various styles...
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