Government calls for new "intellect tax"

Funny story written by StevieT

Thursday, 15 October 2009

image for Government calls for new "intellect tax"
The intellectually gifted would be taxed under new plans.

The government today called for a new tax to be levied on the intellectually gifted, with the aim of helping those with a lesser degree of intellect.

Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman explained, "It is fundamentally unfair that some people are more naturally intelligent than others. In the interests of social justice, we must act to correct this inequity."

Details on the scheme were not released, but a leaked government paper suggests that the government is looking at technical solutions. Citizens would be compelled to wear tags that would record conversations which would then be sent to a new Department for Intellect Licensing for assessment. Book ownership would also be licensed under the new regime.

Harman explained, "While we would like to use the simpler solution of looking at academic qualifications, these are no longer a good method of assessing intellectual capability. We've been practically giving qualifications away for years now in order to make it seem that academic standards are improving.

"The money raised from the new scheme will be used to help the intellectually less well-off, through direct benefits and tax credits."

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg welcomed the scheme, but questioned whether it would work in practice. "Those who are most intelligent, who should be taxed the most, will also be those most capable of circumventing the rules." he said, "There must be controls in place to ensure that the cleverest cannot escape the tax."

However, Conservative leader David Cameron was scathing about the new tax: "This is nothing but a blatant attempt by Labour politicians to feather their own nests." he said, "How many Labour members will be direct beneficiaries of the plan?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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