ISLAMABAD - PAKISTAN: Musharraf is unhappy with the selection of individual events for London 2012. The ex-President-Army Chief-teller of tall tales who is on a 'lecture tour' (aka hiding from the law) in the UK, ran out of ideas on how to win the war on terror. So after singing a few songs and playing the tabla for gathered media the pudgy little guy embarked on a rant of the IOC.
"They are only choosing events that they can win. Do they not understand that we have no money to train our Pakistani athletes as we have to spend it on unnecessary arms supplies; weaponry, bribing our militants and buying UK retirement property?", the little dude ranted.
Dressed to the nines in a khaki uniform, resplendent with medals and looking very much like a high-school marching band director, Musharraf said that it was time for the Muslim world to be included in all international events in a fair and transparent manner.
To that extent he urged the London committee to consider two particularly Islamist events 200% guaranteed to win Pakistanis some gold medals. He particularly favored "stone throwing" and running the 50-yard dash with 'bum bombs'.
He stated the Pakistani Army under his command had invested millions in funding and training numerous stone-throwing teams which "we then pushed into Srinagar". He claimed that his "boys" had done him proud, out-throwing even the Palestinian stone-throwers in Gaza. "These boys are ready for this event".
He took particular pride in his "bum-bomb" squad and challenged other countries to put bombs up their athletes backsides and run the 50-yd dash without exploding in mid-air till they reached the intended target .
Musharraf said as a sign of good faith London should add these two events as it would change the modalities on the ground, level the playing field and allow Pakistani youth to show the world what they are really good at.
"Let's see how fast that Hussain Bolt chap can run with a bum-bomb. Can he do better than our future martyrs who will blow themselves up eventually for the promise of 70 dried raisins in Paradise?"
