Sarah Palin's New Book Is #97 (With a Moose Bullet) On The New Jersey Best Seller List

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 15 October 2009

image for Sarah Palin's New Book Is #97 (With a Moose Bullet) On The New Jersey Best Seller List
Vinnie DeStefano, the author of Sarah Palin's book "Glowing Rouge" looking at Sarah Palin's swimsuit photos.

PASSAIC, New Jersey - The much-awaited new book from the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin has just reached #97 on The New Jersey Best Seller List.

The book by noted New Jersey writer Vinnie DeStefano is entitled, Glowing Rouge which is a reference to the bright red cosmetic used for covering the cheeks and lips which Palin says Cindy McCain insisted that she wear during the 2008 GOP presidential campaign.

In the book's first chapter, Palin confesses that she shot her very first moose at the tender age of three.

She then blushes as she says that although it was one of her proudest moments ever, it was sort of overshadowed by the fact that the moose that she shot was named Mickey the Moose and he was the featured animal at The Mrs. Grover Cleveland Petting Zoo in Anchorage.

Palin defends her action by saying that since she did not see any cage bars she just figured that the moose was simply roaming around loose and was therefore 'fair game.'

She smiled and confessed that it was one of the clearest shots that she has ever had.

Palin added in her defense, that all of the other kids were way out of the line of fire as they were off to the side petting the baby caribous, the baby polar bears, and the aged reindeer.

In chapter three, Saracuda, as she was nicknamed by husband Todd, on their wedding night, tells of the time when her then boyfriend Kodiak Biffington tried to get to second base while she was making chocolate chip and elk lip cookies in her mom's kitchen.

Palin said that it was not so much that she minded Kodiak touching her little num nums (sweater perkies), but she just did not like the fact that he lifted up her sweater and caressed her little niblets while she was talking to her mother.

In chapter six DeStefano writes about the affinity that the ex-governor had for wearing men's clothes when she was out in the wilderness stalking big Alaskan game such as moose, elk, caribou, and an occasional hippo.

DeStefano even reveals that Sarah would really get into wearing not only camouflage shirts, pants, and caps, but a camouflage jock strap as well.

Palin even confided to DeStefano that when she is out blasting the hell out of animals she chews tobacco, spits on the ground, and grabs her crotch just for the hell of it.

DeStefano wrote that whenever 'Snowflake,' as Mrs. Barack Obama calls her, is out hunting in the wilderness and she has to 'go potty' she just pees standing up.

The ex-governor mentions in chapter eight all of the different nicknames that she was called by the various members of the media.

She said that some of the names that she did not like were, Snow Plow Palin, Snow Sled Sarah, Snowflake, Salmon Sarah, Dog Sled Palin, and the name she hated the most was Tundra Thighs Palin.

Palin said that there were three names that she did like. She liked Saracuda, which was her nickname in high school. She also liked the nickname Wilderness Woman and Shotgun Sarah.

DeStefano spent three weeks with Mrs. Palin following her to igloo neighborhood association meetings, fish factory tours, Eskimo rehab clinic inaugurations, and snow plow equipment shows.

He asked Mrs. Palin what pet name her husband Todd called her. Palin adamantly refused to tell him.

[WRITER'S NOTE: I called up Larry King and asked him if he knew what Todd's pet name for his wife was and Larry informed me that Todd said that behind closed doors he called the love of his life "Sugar Pucker."]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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