UK Rejoices As David Smacks The Crap Out Of Goliath (Again!)
They called it David against Goliath Part II as plucky Brit fighter David Haye, (6'3") went into a ruckus with Russian giant Nikolay Valuev (7'2") to contest the WBA Heavyweight Championship of The World at the Arena Nurnburger Versicherung. Nobod...
Read full storyAmericans change rules of football - in America
As the people of the mightiest country in the world are hopeless at winning team sports that other countries across the world play at and win, the rules of association football in the USA were today changed to suit American men playing it. Firstly...
Read full storyGermany wants its wall back for anniversary celebrations
Germany says it wants its wall back so it can celebrate the re-unification of Germany properly. It says tourists have stolen too many bits of the old Berlin wall and now Germany have nothing to remind them that the wall was ever there in the first p...
Read full storyRoyal mail to be sued over Postal Strike
The Royal Mail is to be sued over the postal strike. The law suit is to be brought by Dentist, Optitions, lawyers, Doctors and Hairdressers who say they were forced to use the phone more whilst the posties were on strike. They say that instead...
Read full story"Sleep deprivation is good for you" Say Scientists
Three scientists in Germany have discovered that sleep deprivation is good for you. They came to this conclusion after conducting a three month experiment. All three took on different tasks within the experiment. One slept for three months. One s...
Read full storyLouis Walsh Calls Cowell A Cheat - He's Acting Stranger Week By Week
Serious concerns were expressed this evening following an astonishing outburst by X-Factor judge Louis Walsh, directed at fellow panellist Simon Cowell. Judges Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue could plainly be observed squirming in embarrassment as...
Read full storyJedward Ghost-busted!
It was movie night on the X-Factor, and Louis Walsh played his ace in the hole for Irish twins Jedward - John And Edward Grimes, by getting them to perform a pantomime version of the old Ray Parker Junior classic 'Ghostbusters.' Surprisingly the j...
Read full storySouth Carolina Man Caught Twice Making Whoopy With Horse: Claims He Was "hot to trot"
A Conway, SC man, was caught for the SECOND TIME making love to a mare at at local riding stable, and this time sentenced to 3-5 years in prison under the Mare Act. The 21 year old Mare, known as Horse X to protect her identity, was first abused,...
Read full storyGordon Brown May Almost Deny Dithering Allegations 'Soon' - Labour Spokesperson
Gordon Brown came out today strongly evaluating the possibility that he may attack the accusations that he is a 'Prize Ditherer' 'Sometime Soon', according to a Labour Spokesperson. "He's almost certain to potentially speak out on these taunts by...
Read full storyDismemberment Sunday shocker
London - (Dead Cert): Following a Mourning Line tipoff an Enniskillen Rangers supporter is in hiding having laid a 250/1 twenty quid punt the Queen's going belly up outside the Cenotaph Sunday. Provisional Flag of Convenience IRA bastards killed 1...
Read full storySandra Bernhard turns into a lesbian because of an ugly face
In a televised interview Sandra Bernhard says she turned into a lesbian because she has an ugly face and she couldn't find a boyfriend. Bernard says when she was in high school she developed underarm smells. In college she says she had to put Chan...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson join a lesbian gang
Lindsay Lohan and her make believe husband Samantha Ronson got initiated into a lesbian gang that goes by the name DTO "Dykes Take Over" The gang that Lohan and Ronson got involved with is notorious for driving through neighborhoods in search of...
Read full storyNew make-up and beauty reality TV show to be called the Max-Factor
Hitting the small screen next month is a new reality TV show from Simon Cowell's Psycho Productions. The 'Max-Factor' features modeling wannabes from throughout the country who will preen, paint and strut their stuff in the usual tearful audition...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Says She'll Fight Jennifer Aniston To The Gates of Hell To Keep Brad Pitt
PARIS, France - Angelina Jolie in town on a shopping spree told a reporter for the highly reputable French fashion magazine Toute La Verite that she will not give up Brad Pitt without a fight. The much-tattooed actress said that ever since Brad-Br...
Read full storyNelly Furtado flew away like a bird
A deranged college student and voracious man-hungry lipstick lesbian, that was caught singing the song "I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away", is being sought by the Milford Michigan police department for the disappearance of two unnamed individuals.
Read full storyWillie Nelson Wants To Lease Breckenridge, "Marijuana Is Now Legal" Colorado
AUSTIN - Country music singer, songwriter, legend, and icon Willie Nelson has just stated that he wants to lease the Rocky Mountain town of Breckenridge, Colorado. Nelson who is 76, says he feels 36, and admits that he looks 86, said that ever sin...
Read full storyNSA creates decoding algorithm that works on any message
Undisclosed Location - According to my undisclosed source number 934, The NSA has revealed that it is now able to decode any coded message with a new quantum computer. This computer is so powerful, that it can even decode strings of pure random numb...
Read full storyLeona Lewis's New Song About Attacker
Leona Lewis, former X Factor winner, has confirmed a new single called "Fucker who Punched Me" that is out now. It is available to listen to on her re-release album: " Echo's Of A Happy Girl" Leona reported "This song is about that guy who punch...
Read full storyMichael Jackson clones growing up in South America
Santos Michaelos - According to my source, Heinze Kissinger, a city has been discovered in South America populated mostly by clones of Michael Jackson, only these people are actually black. A secret Nazi program now in the open, the town has laws...
Read full storyRihanna: Being On National News After Being Beaten Up Not My Worst Incident
Singer Rihanna says that the Chris Brown incident was bad enough but there was something that happened to her when she was 12 that still haunts her dreams. She told this reporter that she was in Barbados where she was born and that she and some of...
Read full storyMassive DNA Test Taken At Rallies Show 100% of Protestors Are Cousins
In the biggest single DNA test in history which were taken across the country at T-Bagger rallies, results show that 100% of the attendees are cousins! A spokesman for the testing company stated...."We thought we knew the results before we began..
Read full storyScientists create strange particle - reality changes
MOSCOW - Secret scientist source, Dr. Beardskyichobich reports that life as we knew it ended on Earth one year ago when scientists here created a strange particle. Using a trillion trillion trillion electron mega volts, (obtained by stringing Chine...
Read full storyKatie Couric, Still Desperate For Higher Ratings, Modeling New Wigs, Implants
In yet another attempt to boost the CBS News ratings, news anchor Katie Couric will be leaving the desk behind and hit the road for the next six months, opening up kissing booths in every state of the union. Traveling personnel say that she claims...
Read full storyTorres: I'm Prettier Than Drogba
Liverpool pretty boy Fernando Torres has responded to remarks made by Didier Drogba, that come May the two will be very close at the top of the scoring charts. While Torres refused to deny this, he had a wholly different system of determining who is...
Read full storyNYC Mayor Bloomberg Battles The Prostitutes
It wasn't a total victory for "Vicky", "Brandy", "Star" and the other prostitutes in court yesterday (Friday) but they probably won the big battle. New York City's Mayor Bloomberg had declared war on the skimpy clothed ladies of the street especia...
Read full storyCivil War Ethics Linger On
(Charlotte-NC) During a lesson on the Civil War at the historic Latta Plantation, a tour guide caused controversy when he selected black students from the Rea View Elementary school, there on a class trip, to be slaves in front of their white classma...
Read full storySarah Palin Silent
(Milwaukee-WI) Sarah Palin, former Republican Vice Presidential candidate and Alaska Governor, is scheduled to give her first major speech since resigning from the office last summer. It will be at a Wisconsin Right to Life event. While Palin add...
Read full storyUnemployment Rises
(New York - NY) According to a government report released this week, the nation's unemployment rate rose above 10% for the first time since 1983, a more drastic jump than expected. Although last month the Obama administration estimated that 640,0...
Read full storyBritney Spears And Levi Johnston To Star In "Romeo and Juliet - The Nude Musical"
PENSACOLA, Florida - Britney Spears in town on her Naked At The Circus Concert Tour has just announced that she will be making a movie after her present tour concludes. The 27-year-old Spears said that she will begin filming Romeo and Juliet - The...
Read full storyNASA to catch diet cheaters
NASA is making its technology available to catch the slimming diet cheaters. Eight out of ten dieting couples are cheating on their partners by eating secretly and ruining the morale at home because they get fatter however strict would appear thei...
Read full storyEuropean scientists prove that eating pies is good for your sex life
Scientists in Utrecht in The Netherlands have discovered that eating pastry products can greatly increase virility, decrease the chances of heart disease and give a feeling of general well-being. Dr Strabismus, whom God preserve of Utrecht, told t...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden discovered in Derbyshire cave. 'It's a fair cop'. says Bin.
At last! Osama Bin Laden has been discovered in Derbyshire cave. 'It's a fair cop'. says Bin. Local pot-holing group, 'The Muff Divers Club', based in Muffton, Derbyshire, claimed yesterday that they had discovered Osama Bin Laden living in a lime...
Read full storyWorld's first Opium Exchange to open in Kabul
President Hamid Karzai of Afganistan held a press conference yesterday to announce the world's first Opium Exchange to open in Kabul later this year. President Karzai said that regulating the market would be the best way of ending corruption in A...
Read full storyDevelopment in listening to the classics a bafflement to music professors
Arthur Bowdinsky, Director of Classical Studies at Clavichord University released his findings on Tuesday regarding the structure of music as language, turning the world upside down. Bowdinsky discovered that if a person concentrates on a specific formula they will cease to hear the music, and the sound is replaced by conversation. His discovery proves that the mathematical quality of music al...
Read full storySpoof Songwriter Releases Holiday Tune
Inspired by the satirical mastery from personal Spoof heroes like Jesus Buddha (Son of Mohammed Shiva), Monkey Woods, QM, J-Man and the ever enticing Madame Bitters, the little known singer/songwriter transplanted from Motown to the Cheese State has released a smash hit just in time for the holiday season. A tribute to the Beatles in song, with updated lyrics to fill the mind's eye and nostrils...
Read full storySouth Korea's Wonder Rice Girls To Be Susan Boyle's Opening Act
LONDON - After weeks of speculation Simon Cowell, president of 19th Hole Productions, and manager of Susan Boyle has stated that he has signed the all-girl South Korean group, The Wonder Rice Girls to be Susan Boyle's opening act. The Susan Boyle...
Read full storyFormer President Ronald Reagan Keeps Forgetting He's Dead
It happened once again last week apparently as witnesses say that they saw former First Lady Nancy Reagan leading someone into the cemetery once again. Friends and even one family member who asked to remain anonymous told this reporter that it was...
Read full storyObama Administration Announces a Deficit Reduction Plan
Washington DC: Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced that following the passage of a health care reform bill or a cap and trade bill, President Obama will focus on US deficit reduction. The president asked House Speaker Pelosi to ta...
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