The inaugaral Eurovision Presidential Contest has been won by a complete unknown from Belgium, Herman Van Rumpy, who works as a Prime Minister.
The contest is based on the more popular Eurovision Song Contest, and was conceived as a way to "introduce the idea of democracy to the EU". Each country entered a candidate who sang and danced, then followed an eight hour point-based voting jamboree to choose the winner. Mr Van Rumpy received the maximum 12 points from France, Germany and the all-important Luxembourg.
Controversially the original UK entry, Tony Blair, had to withdraw at the last minute after eating some bad Ferrero Rocher at the French embassy earlier that day. Luckily his cleaning lady, Mrs Ashton, was available and impressed the judges so much with her inept slapstick karaoke that she came in second place.
The winner of the contest gets to be the president of the EU for a year, although the role is purely ceremonial and has been compared to being voted Queen for a year. Mrs Ashton gets to be Mr Rumpy's butler.