New York City, NY: A New York man was held without bail today on charges of dying without a license.
Arresting office, and legendary Parking Meter Compliance Enforcement Specialist Miami Fickle, told the Court in sworn testimony, "I knew two and a half weeks ago the guy was going to be trouble. He was parked under a bridge, and when I went to ticket his car for illegal parking, he just sat there in the driver's seat, holding his chest and going, 'Help me, help me.' Well, nobody gets our of a ticket from me! The City depends on my issuing of citations for its very existence. So, I issued the ticket and moved on.
"The next day, the car and suspect where still there. This time, he was not only illegally parked, but obviously deceased. I politely asked to see the gentleman's Death Permit, and he just ignored me! He just sat there staring into space with this glazed look on his face. I could have arrested him right there for obstruction of justice, but I decided to cut him a break and just give him a ticket. Every day for over two weeks I ticketed the suspect and his car. Finally, it was obvious that he was incorrigible, and I have no other course of action other than arresting the subject."
New York Mayor, Michael Bloomberg applauded Office Fickle's actions, "The people of New York need to understand that every one of our permits, fees, and licenses are there for a reason. Ignoring them only leads to the loose of the quality of life New Yorkers have come to enjoy. Today, people are not paying for the death permit, tomorrow, they will not pay the Walking on a Public Street Fee, and the Consuming Public Oxygen Tax. It's high time we start cracking down on these scoff laws."