Washington DC: A government spokesman announced today, that a race of mindless blood lusting alien creatures from deep space has infiltrated our earth from the rear.
Noted proctologists from around the globe have been watching, as the Hemorrhoids migrated through a worm hole and hid behind the dark side of the moon. Friendly forces have been secretly mobilized all over the planet to counter any invasive maneuvers. Everyone has a burning desire and is itching to get at the enemy.
Weapon development to thwart this meanace considered several technologies: strangulation via rubber bands; chemical warfare; infrared heat devices; and removal by surgical strikes. The last of these methods has been chosen to shrink the interlopers influence.
The Strategic Derriere Initiative (SDI) will deploy ballistic missiles, with a finger shaped reentry/kill vehicle to rid the planet of these invaders. The Surgeon General was overheard saying "this is a crappy job, but freeing the world of these pains in the rump must be accomplished!"