"Blame Name Shame For Change" Experts Say
Cocks have shrunk. Balls have dropped. Bottoms have fallen out. - Yes, embarrassing names are beginning to die out. And it may be a direct result of having the piss taken out of you at school. Experts believe that emigration can only count for a smal...
Read full storyBelow Decks, Chapter 21 On the Good Ship Lollipop
Below Decks, Chapter 21 On the Good Ship Lollipop It should be noted, of course, that no ship in this chapter is named Lollipop and that the things sucked on in this chapter in no way resemble lollipops or are made of sugar. In fact, nothing in this chapter is really that sweet as The Buggerall has been at sea for almost a year and the poop deck is really getting full and there are now fiftee...
Read full storyBritney Spears Removes Top
LOS ANGELES, CA - Linda Lovelace has been an assistant to Britney Spears for nearly three years, but says she never thought the day would come that she might get to experience something like this. "I know to some people it might not be that big a de...
Read full storyEver gone to Northern Ireland, and found out your boat has been blown out of the water by terrorists?
Have you ever wanted to visit Northern Ireland, and just as your boat approaches Larne it gets blown to pieces by a 10,000 pound bomb? Then fly there with Ironyair, the world's safest airline. As your Ironyair jet touches down at Belfast's Mad Dog...
Read full story"Foggy Mountain Breakdown" Causes Patrons' Spontaneous Chase Sequence at County Fair
Chaos broke out at a recent Tennessee local county fair when a performing band played the banjo favorite "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" and the patrons began chasing each other around in vehicles and even on foot. "It was surreal. Everybody was r...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Shoots Dick Cheney In the Face
AUSTIN, TX - Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in critical condition after being shot in the face by former President Bush at the latter's Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, TX. According to witnesses, Bush saw a squirrel foraging at the base of...
Read full storySean Penn To Star In New Three Stooges Film
Oscar winner Sean Penn is trading in the drama for some serious laughter (and a few eye pokes) in his next big screen role. Penn will star in "The Three Stooges," a representative for MGM has confirmed to Access Hollywood. He will play "Stooge"...
Read full storyTerrorist Plane Spotted In Booger County
A small airplane clipped a private house on the Boogertown Road, Wednesday afternoon according to Booger County Sheriff "Hup" Giddy. No one was injured by the plane but farmer Elmer Bucket hurt his arm throwing a pitchfork at the plane, just missing...
Read full storyA dazed "Brown and out"arrested for revealing his "stimulus package" to startled shoppers
A dour Scottish man was today arrested in Washington in an attempt to display what police describe as a" huge fiscal stimulus package" to frightened shoppers. Startled onlookers describe a rather dishevelled and haggard looking man with flabby jo...
Read full storyMarch Madness: North Carolina Upset By Chopstick State
MEMPHIS - In one of the most astonishing upsets in NCAA history, the highly favored North Carolina Tar Heels have been defeated by the lowly-ranked Chopstick State Fighting Egg Rollers 107-13. Tar Heel coach Roy Williams was so stunned that he had...
Read full storyStone-throwing vandals thanked the BBC today, for telling them the exact address of Royal Bank of Toytown chief Sir Fried Eggwin
In Scotland's capital city of Edinburgh, hundreds of people looking for someone to blame for that bank's financial problems streamed towards Sir Fried Goodwin's house, after the BBC showed the exact street and house number of that house on its televi...
Read full storyKuyt is better than Messi
This is the incredible view of "Fat Spanish Waiter" Rafael "ranting" Benitez. "Fat" Rafa claims that Dirk Kuyt, the poor Dutch "winger?", has better skill on the ball, is faster and generally better looking than "that midget Messi". "That midget" is...
Read full storyLebouf set to star in movie based on popular childrens toys
DreamMovies Pictures in association with KeyGrip films has announced Shia Lebouf is set to star in an upcoming action film based on a series of popular children's toys. Movies about toys are the latest craze sweeping Hollywood. Producer Jerry Gol...
Read full storyAngelina Not Bothered After Brad Pitt Lets Ex Girlfriend Jennifer Aniston Have A Stroke Of His Penis - For Old Times Sake
Actress Angelina Jolie has said she is fine after discovering that husband Brad Pitt has allowed his former girlfriend Jennifer Aniston to stroke his average sized penis! Aniston, who was just passing the Pitt/Jolie house heard a familiar noise em...
Read full storyAngelina Furious After Brad Pitt Allows Ex Jennifer Aniston To Stroke His Massive Cock!
Actress Angelina Jolie is said to be furious after discovering that husband Brad Pitt has allowed his former girlfriend Jennifer Aniston to stroke his massive cock! Aniston, who was just passing the Pitt/Jolie house heard a familiar noise emitting...
Read full storySpandau Inmates To Reunite
Former inmates of Spandau prison are to reunite for a special world tour. The tour has come as a surprise but those involved say that it is just what they need right now. Tony Von Hadlei, a former inmate said "Ya, it is true. So true. Funny how it se...
Read full storyA proof reader's nightmare!
In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent...
Read full storyChris Hoy: "Bran Flakes Have Ruined My Training Schedule
Chris Hoy, Olympic cyclist and hero of the nation, has told how an addiction to Bran Flakes has ruined his training schedule. The popular breakfast cereal is fine taken in moderation. But Hoy has become so addicted he has developed an embarrassing pr...
Read full storyMichael Vick Released From Prison - Heads Straight To Pet Store
Suspended NFL star Michael Vick has been released from jail in Kansas and made his first stop a Pet Store - where he purchased a poodle, which he will name Arthur. "I am reformed man, dogs ain't for fighting they are for loving" said the former At...
Read full storyRedcrapp: My Grapes Are Sour
Harry Redcrapp, cheeky cockney used car dealer and Spurs manager has announced that he is suffering from a nasty case of sour grapes. "I got the most 'orrible sour grapes, mate. And I really hate the Italians because they do not suffer from this. Thi...
Read full storyMy 25th wedding anniversary fortnight of hell!
Day 1. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Day 2. Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed. Da...
Read full storyBritone Quits Sofa
After 10 years of displaying her cleavage to unemployed layabouts Firm Britone has announced "I'm quitting". The daytime tv host wants to spend more time with her family, who have our sympathy. Britone also wants to move into more heavyweight poli...
Read full storyJeb Bush's Love Child Caught Abusing Children
A scandal is brewing that could affect the 2012 Presidential run of former Florida Governor Jeb Bush. The adult love child of Jeb Bush and his former prostitute mistress Legi Slature, a Ms. Flo Comprehensive, who also goes by the rap name of F-Cat...
Read full storyFern Britton to leave This Morning
Presenter Fern Britton, who is rumoured to be a large woman, is leaving this morning. She had originally planned to leave this evening, but that was changed at one stage last week, to this afternoon. However, plans appear to have gone swimmingly w...
Read full storyNew UK Party Promises Stimulus Packages
A new political party - the UK Stimulus Party - has been launched today, promising to 'give Britain the stimulus it needs in these troubled times'. Speaking at the launch conference, Party Chairman Eric Mainsvoltage said, "The UK Stimulus Party wi...
Read full storyDEFLATION! - Britain hits deflation as prices rise 3.2%
For the first time since the great depression, Britain is in deflation - a period of falling prices. Inflation rose by 0.2% to reach 3.2%, sending economic experts and commentators into panic about plummeting prices. 'Falling prices are terrible,'...
Read full story"Rex Tillerson to walk the plank!" Obama orders Geithner
Washington AC/DC - (Big Oil Mess): President O'Bama has ordered Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner to dump Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson "into the nearest deep sea crude well" according to this week's BigOilShagger! magazine. The move follows the sup...
Read full storyStudents' chant initially confuses media, viewers, other fans
Philadelphia, PA -- At the Wachovia Center on Saturday afternoon a raucous chant echoed through the rafters during the NCAA men's basketball tournament second-round matchup between the Villanova Wildcats and UCLA Bruins. Initially, both television an...
Read full storyGolly late for work - Stuck in Jam!
Golly the much loved King of Jams and Mullah of Marmalade was today dreadfully inconvenienced when his Chauffeur Driven Limo got stuck in a traffic jam this morning. "I've got a business to run" fumed the culinary genius as he abandoned the car an...
Read full storyHBO Movie "The Special Relationship" Takes On Clintons, Blair
The political and personal relationship between President Bill Clinton and British Prime Minister Tony Blair is the focus of a movie for HBO penned by "Frost/Nixon" writer Peter Morgan. If "The Special Relationship" gets the go-ahead, Dennis Quaid...
Read full storyThe Apprentice has been pulled from airing the latest session!
Sir Alan Sugar is said to be furious at news that tonight's episode will be the last. The BBC have said that after reviewing the first of the series they have decided that it's not what they want to be backing in a shocking twist. The Apprentice, whi...
Read full storySteven Gerrard To Go Back To School Over Bad Grammar
Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, the man who, according to Zinedine Zidane, is "the best and most exciting player in the world at the moment", has come in for strong criticism over his incorrect use of the English language, and is to go back to scho...
Read full storyThe Secret History of New Labour
Following the excesses of the Hard-Line Labour movement post 1979, and successive Election defeats under Michael Foot and Neil Kinnock, a growing faction within Labour realised that without change they would be relegated to a footnote in political history. EARLY DAYS The movement, meeting in secret under the guise of Commons committees, called itself the Guardians of International Truth and...
Read full storyI Am The Very Model of a Modern Labour Minister
After all the Jade Goody stories of recent months (years?), I thought it might be pleasant to introduce some culture, and a little verse, to the pages of The Spoof. So, let's have a little bit of Gilbert & Sullivan: I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister My words are often cynical, my motivation sinister I know the laws of England though for me they don't quite register From...
Read full storyUK Alzheimer Society Wishes Jade Goody A Speedy Recovery
The UK Society Of Alzheimer's Sufferers has written to Jade Goody wishing her a speedy recovery after they remembered she had been diagnosed with cancer. "We wish this woman well - and hope she is soon back on our TV screens soon" repeated spokesm...
Read full storyArmstrong Shrugs off TdF Injury Fears
Legendary cycle racer Lance Armstrong has insisted that he'll be able to compete in the Tour de France, despite fracturing his collarbone in an horrific crash last week. The rider, who has won the gruelling TdF seven consecutive times, was injure...
Read full storyHaving Your Bread Buttered For You
People who prepare their own sandwiches from early childhood instead of relying on a pre-packed lunchbox from their parents or someone else preparing their sandwiches for them are more likely to be successful and positive in life than those who expec...
Read full storyPresident asks for moratorium on formation of improv groups
President Obama today urged all Americans to refrain from forming any new improv comedy groups for at least ninety days. The President stated "We Americans are a creative people, and I salute the American spirit and energy, but I swear, if I se...
Read full storyAccrington Man Is A Bit Annoyed
Steve Gaunt, of Accrington, has recently voiced his opinions on the global economic crisis and the reasons behind it, it was revealed by his close friends and family. "I'm just a bit annoyed, really. The credit crunch is really hurting me and my...
Read full storyTeaching of students to be banned
It has emerged from a university that teaching students maths, English and other lessons, stops there minds from writing stuff like this. Professor fumbler has said that "this sort of learning can seriously damage a child's brain and we should use...
Read full storySir Fred Goodwin's Windows Smashed
The Edinburgh home of former Royal Bank of Scotland boss Sir Fred Goodwin has been damaged overnight. Windows of the house and Mercedes S600 car parked in the driveway were smashed. The police are appealing for witnesses or anyone who may know w...
Read full storyIrish Taoiseach's revenge for IRA lavatory pictures rumpus
Dublin - (Global Piss Process Mess): Irish Teashock Brian Cowen is mulling revenge on the Provos today after enduring public humiliation of having nude pictures of himself 'taking a(n arms) dump' hung in two Dublin art galleries. Ever the smug bas...
Read full storyHaïti Claims Turks & Caicos Islands are theirs
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Tuesday - République d'Haïti President, René Préval, announced that the troubled Turks and Caicos Islands are to be annexed as Haïti's newest province and renamed 'Bohio', meaning "rich villages" in the ancient Taino/Arawak language.
Read full storyPhone Company Invites you to Adeline's
In an embarrassing mix up for all concerned the nation's largest phone company invited it's customers to Adeline's instead of "add a line", going so far as to include a phone number and address for Adeline's Diner in Bismarck, South Dakota. More t...
Read full storyGoogle Street View stands their ground!
After thousands of complaints to Watchdog, Google has said no to the idea of removing Street View, there new feature that allows you to walk the streets cities around the world from the comfort of your own home. The idea was thought up by Google...
Read full storyGordon Brown promises to give Barack Obama a "fiscal stumulus"
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is on his way to Washington, at the request of the US President, to provide a "fiscal stimulus" to Barack Obama. The President said that he is looking forward to meeting Brown, whom he once went for a walk with...
Read full storyIs Kris Allen leaving his wife for a mysterious statuesque vixen?
Hollywood, California - Reports are emerging that American Idol contestant Kris Allen is leaving his wife for another woman. Reporters and paparazzi have packed up their bags after waiting out in front of OctuMom's lawn and did a mass exodus to t...
Read full storyPresident Obama announces "Cracker Tax"
Motown legend and more recently President of America; Barrack Obama has just announced the introduction of his latest idea - The "Cracker Tax". "It's basically a tax on white people" beamed the leader of the free world addressing congress this mor...
Read full storyDJ in Gay Sex Arrest Shocker!
A Radio DJ and well-known homophobe has been arrested for gross indecency, it was revealed today. The presenter, who makes (too) much of his heterosexuality and who was recently reprimanded for unpleasant remarks concerning the sexuality of singer...
Read full storyIPL To Be Known As SAPL
The Indian Premier League, or IPL, which has now been moved to South Africa amid worries over the security of players due to play in it, will now be known as the SAPL, according to cricket chiefs who met yesterday in Johannesburg. The tournament w...
Read full storyGovernment Launch New Anti-Terror Force
The Government today announced the creation of a new, 60,000-strong volunteer force to take the war against extremism and terror into the streets of Britain. A development of the 'citizen justice' concept that brought us the Traffic Wombles and th...
Read full storyWhy sheep are better than women
1. Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth. 2. You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear. 3. Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather. 4. Cottonmouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease. 5. Nuttin' beats mutton. 6. Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel. 7. Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you t...
Read full storyBritish Penises Visible from Space
Astronauts have reported that the Great Wall of China is a man made structure that can be seen from outer space. The ancient thousands miles construction has held this unique honor since the beginning of men in space. But recent observations fro...
Read full storyBig Brother Commands British Educational Curriculum in Honor of St Jade Goody
Since the death of newly canonized St Jade Goody, the Reality TV show that catapulted her to heaven itself has been appointed Secretaries of British education. Parliament spokesperson, Lady Pop Kulture Pearls explained: "For years now we h...
Read full storyNew World Order pox monétaire est acmetal ACME - Amero meurt
ASSbronzage, Kazakhstan - Après ma source canadienne Noball-Prix de la Vienne Obertrien Undellmien professeur, Ursultannien Azarbayevnien dictateur, ici a été adoptée par la groupe Bilderberg offrir, pour le plan de déjà convenues New World Order mon...
Read full storyThis Day in History - March 25
Today is Wednesday, March 25, the 84th day of 2009. There are 281 days left in the year. Today's Highlight in History: On March 25, 1965, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. led 25,000 marchers to the state capitol in Montgomery, Ala., to protest the denial of voting rights to blacks.20,ooo voted to get their black asses out of the backward south and move among the northern racist whites. On...
Read full storyInsurance Ogre's Boners Turn Bonuses to Poo
Clever witch Blackrack and her worlock hubbie, Mullpointgard cast a spell on GAG insurance ogre and their bonuses and bailouts turned to poo. Poo is the newest, latest world currency that can only be spent on doing good. GAG millionaire bonus babies...
Read full storyVista Takes Europe by Storm
Warsaw - Vista took Poland by storm yesterday in a Blitzkrieg maneuver infiltrating and bypassing outdated Polish defenses based on Commodore 64 hardware and DOS software. Despite fierce resistance by partisans hackers the Vista software quickly...
Read full storyPETA Members Disappear
Norfolk VA: Police were called to the PETA world headquarters today when a neighbor reported strange noises outside the building around dusk. When the police arrived, they found a totally empty building devoid of anything but a tank of sea kittens...
Read full storyJade Goody Estate Sues Candy Manufacturers
Lawyers for the estate of the late Jade Goody have sued a large multi-national candy making company for trademark infringement in International Courts (through the United Nations). Attorney Mark Schaeffer said that "we have determined that the com...
Read full storySperm Bank To Offer Some Relief
A sperm bank has taken steps to beat the crunch. Following a downturn in business the Nova Mews Sperm Bank has identified ways to move forward. Those making a withdrawal will see a significant reduction if they buy in bulk. For example, if they pu...
Read full storySpoof Writer First To Leave UK to Comply With Population Reduction Edict!
Bristol,UK/ Population Control News - PM Brown's environmental expert, Jonathon Porritt, said today that half of the island's population "had to go" if it was to survive! Spoof Writer Buck Pissgums, was the first to make his way to Southampton and...
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