Norfolk VA: Police were called to the PETA world headquarters today when a neighbor reported strange noises outside the building around dusk.
When the police arrived, they found a totally empty building devoid of anything but a tank of sea kittens (fish) a few stray cats and a barking dog. A police captain interviewed the neighbor that had reported the noises who said "she also saw a large group of drowsy large people being herded into green vans by a small group of strange looking small people who had what looked like blowguns".
Police forensics found a dart tipped with a mild sedative and traced it to the Amazon Region of South America. At that time an anonymous police tip line caller said" he had seen a caravan of many green vans headed for the airport." When police arrived at the gate of Amazon Airlines, the receptionist said "that Flight 69, a Boeing 747 non-stop, had just departed for South America with a small group of strange looking small people accompanying a large group of drowsy large people." She added that "the big group all had passed through TSA security checks."
After police sent an urgent message to the plane's purported destination in South America, they searched the airport lounge area. Amongst the candy wrappers, coffee cups and other debris a note was found in a strange script. It took police several more hours to locate a translator of ancient South American languages.
The note read that a PETA field office had opened near their tribe's habitat in the middle of the Amazon jungle. This tribe of Pygmy Cannibals was afraid their meat supply was being endangered and had to take more than just local action.
Amazon Airlines has reported losing Radar contact with Flight 69.