Loredana Jolie: Tiger balm soothed my throbbin fanny!
New York - (Reuterus): The stunning Sicilian Playtoy centerfold and Tiger Woods' favorite ho revealed the secrets behind her devastating allure today. "Buttock implants. Lashings of lipgloss. Anal nitrate and a damn good hosedown!" The 21 yea...
Read full storyWoolworths proposes to buy Australian Government
In times of recession most people are trying to save money by only buying necessities such as food and fuel. This puts international grocery vendor Woolworths in front of many other wealthy companies and organizations, even including the Australian g...
Read full storyNobel Peace Prize Add Big Hooters, Penis To Qualifications
After catching so much flak over awarding President Barack Obama with this year's Nobel Peace Prize, the committee says they will now consider adding the occurrence of big hooters and peckers to the qualifications. "I don't know how else to keep p...
Read full storyAccenture Ltd. Said They Are Not Doing Business with Macho Men
Global consulting firm Accenture Ltd. has ended its relationship with Tiger Woods, marking the first major sponsor to cut ties altogether with the golfer since his alleged infidelities surfaced and he announced an indefinite leave from the sport to w...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing's Ali Bastian Scores Five Perfect Tens But Still Gets Booted Off
LONDON - The star of the soap opera Hollyoaks and the drama series Bill Ali Bastian and her partner Brian Fortuna danced good enough to receive a perfect score of 50 out of 50 from the quintet of Strictly Come Dancing judges but in the end it was not...
Read full storyAmanda Knox is attacked by lesbians
PERUGIA, Italy- Knox was convicted of the sexual assault and murder of another woman who tried to engage her boyfriend in sex. Knox told reporters she is scared because the prison is full of lesbians. She was forced to give cunnilingus to over 250...
Read full storyCheryl Cole In Tears Of Joy As Joe McElderry Wins X-Factor
It should come as no surprise to regular readers that cheeky Geordie chappie Joe McElderry won the X-Factor final here Sunday evening. We told you this would happen weeks ago. We have the best insiders in showbiz affairs on the planet, sometimes b...
Read full storyWorld in danger after X Factor result
After tonight's not at all surprise X factor result, Scientists fear that the world is now in supreme crisis. Nasa and Nato have gone to Defcon4 and the Environment Agency have raised the Thames Flood Barrier in preparation for an onslaught of bib...
Read full storyFeminist Angered by Fugitives List
Put a face to the word "evil," and it will probably have a toothbrush mustache and a comb-over. Or, in this post-9/11 era, a white turban above an unkempt beard, the pairing barely visible through the narrow aperture of a spider hole. Even if you con...
Read full storyNorth Pole Conglomerate will Merge to Save Christmas
NORTH POLE: In what could be the most disastrous Christmas ever, the North Pole is making cutbacks this year in all areas of its general business. CEO and General Manager of the North Pole, Santa Claus, made a surprising statement last night abou...
Read full storyNow suicide bombers using flying carpets and unleashing the energy of genies in the bottle as WMDs to spread mayhem
PUKISTAN - Somewhere deep in a militant cave-haven, in a country quickly unraveling under a government spiraling out of control, militant leaders are turning to ancient Islamic folklore to finesse their WMD strategy. Funding and support for these 7t...
Read full storyThe Rise and Fall of the Godwin Party
Short Life of Party Based on Comparing Every One Else to Nazis East Germany - The early 1990s saw a series of tumultuous events that would change the face of international politics. The fall of the Soviet Union and the Warsaw Pact led to political restructuring and ideological shifts. Several important political movements have come out of times of crisis and changed the future of the world fore...
Read full storyKalika Moquin: two Tiger hos pregnant, Elin's shock at ultrasound pics
Orlando, Fla - (Reuterus): "Someone sent Elin ultrasound pics Thanksgiving weekend," Las Vegas club manager Kalika Moquin confided today. "Anonymous, likely some trashy pancake house ho. "Totally freaked out Elin, badly sourin her still lactat...
Read full story'Tiger outed in FBI vice sting' says ex-NY Gov Eliot Spitzer's caddie
New York - (Crooked Ass): Eliot Spitzer's former golf caddie reckons Tiger Woods was caught in an FBI vice sting just like the ex-New York Governor. "Someone with balls? Feds musta planted a tracking device in one of his drivers," Ron Birdie expl...
Read full storyLosers flock to 'Whack-the-Banker
The owner of a pier arcade in Suffolk, has re-invented an old favourite where people had the opportunity to hit the well-known garden pest, the mole. He has found that the new version, which also allows the public to attack another well known high-st...
Read full storySarah Palin: William Shatner Full Of Shat!
After William Shatner did his little thing about Sarah Palin's new book, "Going Rogue" on the Tonight Show, Sarah Palin herself showed up and read parts of Shatner's books in a similar vein, Friday night. Shatner, full of himself as usual, then be...
Read full storyJonas Brothers Sue Blues Artist
A representative of Elestra Records claims that the Jonas Brothers, Joe, Kevin and Nick are suing their blues artist, Brother Jonas, to keep him from performing under that name. "They have no right to sue Brother Jonas. They don't own everything.
Read full storyTiger Woods' Double-Bogey No Gimme For Obama
Washington - A Rassmushen poll recently published shows American President Barack Obama's approval rating has plummeted in recent weeks. This comes in spite of his well received acceptance speech this week upon being presented the distinguished Nobel...
Read full storyBlair "Didn't Need Electorate"
Tony Blair today expanded on his astounding claim that he would have found a way to gain the mandate to invade Iraq without the dossier on weapons of mass destruction. He explained that in fact a UN resolution was not required, that the UK Parliament...
Read full storyAllah deserts Iran after opposition constantly insult his prophet, Khomeini!
Allah, observing from his lofty heights in the Islamic heavens has decided to abandon Iran forever. The reason for his decision is based upon the Iranian, political opposition constantly insulting Allah's prophet, Khomeini! Allah, has given a p...
Read full storyTiger Pulls Out:Massive Lay Offs In VIP Escort Industry Prompts Calls for "Bailout"!
Officials huddled behind closed doors over the weekend to discuss the economic impact of the latest Tiger Woods decision to 'pull out' and 'lay up' in order to let the furor of his sexual romps cool down. The first casualty appears to be the highl...
Read full storyAirport arrivals
Johannesburg, South Africa. In a day of drama unparalleled in the annals of history, a commercial jetliner landed at the international airport and disgorged 50 tourists, mainly from Japan, intent on doing some general sight-seeing. Many of the to...
Read full story2009 Christmas rage, Santa's Grotto for "straight" Adults, SEXY!
In these days of SEX, SEX and even more SEX the adult toy company LEGGO-VER has come up with an ingenious Christmas surprise for "straight" adults. They have opened Santa's Grottos for adults only and it is the current rage topping all other Chris...
Read full storySnoop Dogg: Fo Shizzle My Nizzle, That Tiger Sho Had Him Some Fine Lookin' Mamas
WATTS, California - Rap singer Snoop Dogg was in Watts recording his next single at the Yo Bro Recording Studio when he was asked by a reporter for Hey Watts Up Bitch Magazine for his comments on Tiger Woods' "Golf Gate" mess. Snoop Dog rattled th...
Read full storyThe Holly Sampson Action Figure Doll Is Now Available - Just In Time For Christmas
CHICAGO - The Hasbroken Toy Company has said that they will be rushing 5 million Holly Sampson Action Figure Dolls into thousands of department stores throughout America just in time for Christmas. Ripley Langhorne spokesperson for Hasbroken said...
Read full storyPresident Obama Tells Tiger Woods He Wants Him To Return His Number One Role Model Award
VALDOSTA, Georgia - President Barack Obama was in town as the featured guest speaker at The Lower Georgia Peach Pickers and Peach Packers Union Christmas Party Celebration. He told the peach pickers and packers that their job is extremely vital to...
Read full storyLocal Man Gains Instant Notoriety After Serving Katie Price A Portion
Local kebab shop proprietor, Ali Bullo, today declared to the world that serving Katie Price a portion was the best career move he'd ever made, even though he he only served her a chicken shish with garlic sauce and a side salad. Ali Bullo insists...
Read full storyWar ends - Obama surrenders to Denmark!
Copenhagen,Denmark-Without a single shot being exchanged, President Obama has surrendered his authority, and the sovereignty of the United States, to the Danish Government, in the form of the Royal Guard. The elite military force had been assigne...
Read full storyBin Laden team sent to locate Tiger
US President Barack Obama has dispatched the team seeking Osama bin Laden to search for Tiger Woods. 'Osama's been gone so long that we're out of clues, and the team has just been sitting around watching cable television for the last 18 months', O...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says She Will Never Ever Lip Sync Like Britney Spears Does
FARGO, North Dakota - Miley Cyrus was in town as the honored guest of The North Dakota Coalition of Young Teens. Cyrus was presented with that organization's coveted Golden iPod Trophy, which is made from the chippings of Mount Rushmore. The aw...
Read full storyLocal Man Accused Of Plagiarism
Local internet writing sensation Dickie Charles Rattlejavelin, who has topped countless internet comedy writers sites was today accused of fraud, by prominent academic Milton J Scratchnut III of Ivy League college Harvard. Rattlejavelin, whose pen...
Read full storyX-Factor's Stacey Solomon Sent Home
LONDON - The singing trio is now down to two. The lone remaining female, Stacey Solomon was voted off by the voters of the X-Factor. A teary-eyed Solomon told her mentor Dannii Minogue that she felt as if she had let all of her fans down. She pooc...
Read full storyCopenhagen evacuated amid onslaught of climate zombies
DENMARK - WRITHERS AGENCY - Danish officials have announced a 'crash campaign' to completely evacuate the city of Copenhagen, when flesh-eating zombies invading the city proved too much for riot police. 'Downtown Copenhagen is Hell on Earth', said...
Read full story'Domestic' Spiralled Out Of Control. Local Man In Court.
Police Officers responding to frantic emergency calls from concerned neighbours, arrived at the residence of local couple, Martin and Anne Shuttlecock, only to find themselves in the middle of a serious domestic situation. Martin Shuttlecock was s...
Read full storyAlumni Notes: It's '09 - where's the class of '79?
Gerald Berance ('79, Philosophy) returned to school in '02 and obtained a Business degree. He is now employed. Moira Evans ('79, English) has written seven books, all of which are as yet unpublished. Peter Chernak ('79, Business) is, after 25 years at InfoTech, Assistant to the Associate Vice-Director of Human Resources. Dave Mason ('79, History) wants to know of Marie ('79) would say ye...
Read full storyRazor Sponsor Cuts Tiger Woods - TW Branded Eager Beaver Razor Project Shelved
It was announced today that international beard whacker Gillete is cutting Tiger Woods from its propaganda campaigns and US based television advertisements. This, according to a spokeswoman for the razor company. Purportedly, this is to accommodate T...
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