PUKISTAN - Somewhere deep in a militant cave-haven, in a country quickly unraveling under a government spiraling out of control, militant leaders are turning to ancient Islamic folklore to finesse their WMD strategy. Funding and support for these 7th century superstitions is of course being provided by the infamous intelligence and Army honchos.
An unnamed Army spokesperson told me: "Air travel has become hazardous for suicide bombers; VOIP and other mobile phone technology exposes our (sic) whereabouts; illegal money transfers are blocked so what are we to do? We have to turn to ancient folklore to motivate our militants."
To avoid detection by the "FBI-CIA-RAW-Mossad-MI5-Karzai" chimera, which the duplicitous Pak system routinely blames for its own failures, state-supported actors are now going back another 7 centuries from their current 14th century position to unleash the energy of genies in the bottle; and activate flying carpets to ferry suicide bombers across the Seven Seas in the hopes of establishing the Sinbad caliphate world-wide.
Tens of thousands of ignorant, illiterate, gullible, starving, impoverished Pak youth have been lining up as recruits to fight for this new world order. One wild-eyed 12-year old told this reporter:
"It has always been my dream to ride on a flying carpet. I will make an excellent martyr - suicide vest strapped to my chest as I sit cross-legged and fly over your infidel country unleashing my ancient genie havoc. My obese, diabetic, impotent, kidney-failure ISI uncle has assured me a place in heaven with 70 houris although I'm a bit shy around women. I'd rather have a couple of loaves of bread".
FBI intercepts of militant conversations reveal a frenzy of carpet buying in Islamabad pointing to heightened militant activity. The Mullah-ISI-Army nexus has been unsuccessful in blackmailing the US into a 'civilian" nuclear-energy deal. To compensate for a lack of cooking and heating fuel in Pakistan, the govt aided by militant charities is allotting each angry housewife her very own "genie in a bottle", thereby brain-washing a suffering population into believing that it is guaranteed to create unlimited energy.
"Who needs the US; not me," said Pakistan's soon-to-be next President.