Razor Sponsor Cuts Tiger Woods - TW Branded Eager Beaver Razor Project Shelved

Funny story written by Richard DagNabbit

Sunday, 13 December 2009


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image for Razor Sponsor Cuts Tiger Woods - TW Branded Eager Beaver Razor Project Shelved
Missing out on These Future Customers

It was announced today that international beard whacker Gillete is cutting Tiger Woods from its propaganda campaigns and US based television advertisements. This, according to a spokeswoman for the razor company. Purportedly, this is to accommodate Tiger Wood's desire to remain holed up on his yacht while wife Elin packs up for Sweden.

Gillette is not the first major sponsor to ease away from the sexcapades star. Sex and Body Prep analysts say however, that the move may be a big mistake. It is well known that some hot and active women use the company's razor products to shave their beavers. The risky procedure requiring a very steady hand is undertaken to present a more appealing "nubile" appearance to their Tiger-esque partners - or for easier access to all those who want to give head, male of female. It was noted by one reporter that nearly all porn stars appear with hair free murfs in current XXX films. Reportedly this is because the gaffers need to get in close to the action and catch the skankiest shots without pesky beaver fur getting in the way.

The Adult Film industry's elder statesman, Ron Jeremy says the company is missing out on a major new marketing opportunity - "They could very easily have a roused and smiling Tiger shaving away on his favorite skank's murf with a Eager Beaver razor, and commenting on what a "baby smooth skin" it leaves behind. The risque imaging opportunity alone should have caught the attention of marketing geniuses. Rumors circulating around the industry had R & D cranking on a full TW product line, including an Eager Beaver I "sensitive skin" and Eager Beaver II "heavy bush" models. It is unknown what internal insanity prevailed to put the kabosh on a program with such great potential.

Clearly, a well orchestrated marketing pitch with a great looking bitch could have both Tiger wannabes and Rachel Uchitel hopefuls heading to the isles in search of razor products for pubic hair removal. Then there would be the related accessories such as miniature band-aids, perfumes for snatch odor control and liquid candies for lapping and sucking pleasures on both ends. Some experts say an entire industry wide razor revolution could take place as the riveting Tiger exploits and leveraged big bucks that have been paid to shankster babes make for today's role models male or female. It appears they are giving up a great opportunity to capture both.

Until Next Time,

DabNabbit Rabbit

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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