VALDOSTA, Georgia - President Barack Obama was in town as the featured guest speaker at The Lower Georgia Peach Pickers and Peach Packers Union Christmas Party Celebration.
He told the peach pickers and packers that their job is extremely vital to the nation's economy. He added that if the nation has no peach pickers and packers then the peaches won't get picked or obviously packed either.
The president said that he will do everything in his political power to see to it that the peach picking and peach packing jobs do not get outsourced to Pakistan, Poland, Peru, Portugal, or Panama.
A reporter for USA Today asked the president if he could comment on the ongoing Tiger Woods fiasco. The president thought for a moment and replied that he prefers not to comment on the charges since after all this is America and in America a multi-womanizer is considered categorically innocent until he is proven scandalously guilty.
The reporter noted, "You mean like Kobe (Bryant)?"
"Exactly, just like Kobe, now that's what I be talkin' about bro."
He was then asked about the fact that three months ago, at a reception at the White House's Rose Garden he had presented Tiger Woods with an award honoring him for being the number one role model in the entire United States.
The president smiled. He ran his tongue across his upper lip. He then said that just this morning he had emailed Tiger Woods and specifically asked him to please return the number one role model award within 48 hours or face possible charges of contempt.
President Obama said that Tiger emailed him back saying that he had packaged the award and was waiting for a FedEx representative to pick it up.
In a developing rumor. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Cloris Leachman, 93, has offered Tiger Woods $185 if he would go to bed with her.