DOW Ejaculates On Wild Trading
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Stocks snapped a five-day losing streak on Wednesday, with the Dow coming energetically by nearly 300 yards on optimism that a government plan to rescue ailing bond insurers is taking shape and could prevent billions more in cred...
Read full storyHockey Stick Becomes Reality For Al Gore!
The belief that you can create your own reality, a belief prevalent among Eastern Gurus and Mystics, came embarrassingly true for the winner of the US presidential election in 2000, Al Gore (who subsequently handed the reins over to George Bush in a...
Read full storyRingo Starr on Intercontinental Wrecking Tour
Ringo Starr kicked off his 'Intercontinental Wrecking Tour' in Liverpool last week with sidekick Dave Stewart. However, Liverpudlians were 'shocked' and 'dismayed' at Ringo's snub of their hometown during...
Read full story'Open' legs distraction: Maria Sharapova in M & S Knickers
Blonde beauty and Russian tennis ace, Maria Sharapova has caused a storm in the Australian Open Tennis championships by thrashing Belgian Justine Henin.
Read full storyWriters' strike wipes billions off world markets
The true impact of the writers' strike that has seen the Golden Globes cancelled and the Oscars threatened has now been felt worldwide as stock markets across the world have crashed.
Read full storyBritish police march in protest at "three pigs" story
The British Police force marched en masse today in London to protest at the teaching in schools of the "three little pigs" story, after it was declared "too offe...
Read full storyMovie critic sees stars
Jules O'Bannon, a movie critic for the New York Times, was admitted to St. Luke's Hospital on Wednesday with multiple fractures after "sustaining a fall" at his home following a remark that his mother's mashed potatoes were &quo...
Read full storyBelgian Prostitutes have to pay for sex
The normally quaint small country town of Bolloux (the 'x' is silent) in Belgium has entered the international news spotlight after reports that so desperate are its indigenous prostitute population that they have res...
Read full storyBreaking The Wind Habit Could Save The Planet!
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has just released astonishing information that could help check the steady rise of greenhouse gases that are causing anthropogenic global warming. CO2 emissions continue to be the most damaging gre...
Read full storyZac Efron works in Frankenstein
Zac Efron will be working in a Frankenstein movie which is based on the novel written by Mary Shelley. The movie will expose a secret Mary Shelley's legacy has been hiding.
Read full storyShearer Sings for Geordie Nation
Alan Shearer has revealed a well-kept secret during his talks with Kevin Keegan, pleading for a top job at possibly the greatest football club in the world. The secret? Well namely that he is in fact a professionally-trained opera singer.
Read full storyCrazy W proclaims Dollar Value Days!
Fort Knox, KY - Standing on pallets of $100 bills, Salesman-in-Chief George W Bush announced "Dollar Value Days At The U.S. Treasury".
Read full storyAfrican Cup Of Nations Halted As Tribal Wars Break Out
The African Cup Of Nations football tournament has been abandoned due to a major outbreak of tribal conflicts which, authorities say, have threatened the stability of the whole continent. The flagship event, which kicked off in Ghana last Friday,...
Read full storyBush Cheney Ticket Will Restore Integrity to the White House
Washington (IPP) - Reporters were taken on a time machine back to the 2000 presidential "election".
Read full storyCameron to Swim to Arctic Circle
The Conservative leader David Cameron is attempting the world's first solo swim to the Arctic, it was revealed yesterday. The announcement was made at a press conference, arranged by the right-wing 'Tories For Swimming To The Arctic Circle...
Read full storyBush Beats Clinton 935 to One
Washington (IPP) - President for life, G.W. Bush beat Bill Clinton 935 to one in a tall tales contest. Bill Clinton lied when he said he "did not have sexual relations with that woman".
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Turns Philanthropist
Palm Beach, Florida (IPP) - Rush Limbaugh invited reporters to his ocean front home in Palm Beach to discuss his entry into the field of philanthropy. Rush says he has been a taker all of his life and now wants to give something back to the world.
Read full storyThousands of Happy Shoppers Enter Egypt from Gaza
CAIRO (FMLiveWire) -- Tens of thousands of happy Palestinian shoppers poured into Egypt from Gaza on Wednesday through new doorways in a 7-mile barrier near the border town of Rafah.
Read full storyRadiohead Announce More Plans for 'Green' Tour
Although Radiohead's latest critically acclaimed work, In Rainbows, suggests that the band is working with a wide spectrum of colors, it seems that the only color anyone in the band really cares about these days is Green.
Read full storyCapitol Hill silence 'deafening' at Heath Ledger death news
Washington AC/DC - (Bad Ass Mess): The rule of omerta has descended on Capitol Hill following the news that Oscar nominee and Brokeback Mountain star Heath Ledger was found dead at home in Manhattan today.
Read full storyBush Agrees He Lied Hundreds of Times About Iraq to Promote War
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President Bush has acknowledged that he lied hundreds of times about Iraq in order to warp public opinion into supporting the Iraq oil war.
Read full storyDog Shit Found in Blue Peter Garden
Police and forensic scientists have this morning been called to the BBC Television Centre studios after a live dog turd was discovered in amongst some rhododendrons in the Blue Peter garden
Read full storyCar Boot, 'Boot-leg' trousers are dangerous!
HARTLEPOOL, ENGLAND: A huge explosion shook many buildings in the city centre today, scattering tens of shoppers running for their lives. Police and fire crews were alerted and investigations soon le...
Read full storyGordon Ramsay To Stop Swearing
TV swearing expert and presenter of the F-word, Gordon Ramsay, has said in a statement today that he intends to curb his foul language, and concentrate, instead, on being a chef. Ramsay, 61, is the most-wrinkled man on TV, and has become notorious...
Read full storyBritish National History Museum Announces: "One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing!"
In the wake of the latest 'lost laptop' scandal, the British National History Museum in London has admitted that a skeleton of a long-dead dinosaur cannot be accounted for, and could have fallen into the hand...
Read full storySir Trevor Mc Donald reveals how he gets himself up for News at Ten
National institution Sir Trevor McDonald has sensationally admitted to using a fluffer to prepare himself for his gruelling late night schedule.
Read full story250,000 cops march on Whitehall
London - AssoCIAted Mess): Over 250,000 police officers are marching on Whitehall today in a protest against the mobster rule of Gorgon Brown, Ken Livingstone, Amy Whorehouse, the Northern Crock and the Puppet Monarch.
Read full storyBrunei dumps Sarkozy
Paris, France - (Bare Ass Mess): Italian topless model Carla Brunei has dumped her French president lover Nicholas Sarkozy and shacked up with a "loaded Russian oligarch" in an Ile St Louis apartment according to reports from Paris today.
Read full storyMovie star Heath Ledger found dead
Found earlier today was the lifeless corpse of actor Heath Ledger, star of several films including A Knights Tale and The Patriot.
Read full storyAcne Medication Removes Volcano
Melikalikimaka, Hawaii (IPP) - Sientists at Hawaii's Volcano Research Institute (HVRI) have successfully removed a volcano by applying acne medicine to the volcano's surface.
Read full storyHuman Extinction Delayed 6 Months; Greener Living Slightly Rescues Mankind
ACADEMIA, Calif. - Today, the Center to Obtain Grant Money by Perpetually Studying Global Warming, or COGMPSGW for short, released better than expected news. The COGMPSGW report shows a six month delay in global warming, thanks to greener habits.
Read full storyHigh School Musical 3
In high school musical 3 there is a scene where Corbin Bleu gets married with Vanessa Anne Hudgens. They hold the wedding in Las Vegas and then a month later they divorce.
Read full storyMurphy, NC Suspect Arrested in Snowman Death
Murphy, North Carolina (IPP) - Cherokee County sheriff deputies arrested a suspect in the death of Frosty T. Snowman this afternoon. The deputies discovered the remains of the deceased snowman after receiving a tip from a propane gas delivery man.
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