Fort Knox, KY - Standing on pallets of $100 bills, Salesman-in-Chief George W Bush announced "Dollar Value Days At The U.S. Treasury".
"Our discount dollar prices are I-N-S-A-A-A-N-E!" he yelped, flinging handfuls of worthless dollars into the audience of foreign dignitaries, whose members jostled to avoid being touched by the toilet paper substitute.
Until recently, the Dollar was a premium brand, commanding high prices throughout the world, prized for its durability and longevity.
That strategy changed with the acquisition of a controlling interest in the U.S. Treasury by a consortium lead by OPEC which installed Bush as CEO of its American subdivision.
Using the methods pioneered by corporate raiders in private industry, Bush swiftly divested the USA of its most valuable assets. He sent our military to eliminate Saudi rivals in the Middle East, and sold the American reputation for respecting human rights for pennies.
But progress was still too slow. "At the rate of only $1 Billion a day," said the salesman nickname "The Decider", "We were indebtifying America to foreigners at too slow a rate. I decided that the strength of the dollar was the greatest threat to our greatness. So I invaded the Treasury and opened the doors to all comers, especially those who bear gifts!"
"The Oval Office is open for business," he chortled, "No offer will be refused!"
In related news, the Office of the Vice-President has been relocated to Dubai.