African Cup Of Nations Halted As Tribal Wars Break Out

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

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Trouble's never very far away in Africa

The African Cup Of Nations football tournament has been abandoned due to a major outbreak of tribal conflicts which, authorities say, have threatened the stability of the whole continent.

The flagship event, which kicked off in Ghana last Friday, had seen the hosts beat Guinea 2-1, Mali squeeze past Benin 1-0, and Ivory Coast triumph over Nigeria by the same score, before all Hell broke loose in the game between Zambia and Kwalazululand last night.

The fierce rivals played out a cagey first twenty minutes, until, at a corner kick to Zambia, an axe was flung from the stands, hitting the Zambian captain Crispin Uvavu in the forehead. Witchdoctors ran to the scene with potions, but were unable to remove the axe, and a substitution had to be made.

In the other match between Uganda and Zimbabwe, fans fought with machetes and spears, and burning tyres were thrown onto the field of play. The referee was attacked by both teams and the match ended 10-10.

Monday's crunch match between intense rivals Tanga Tanga and Togoland was cancelled when the teams clashed violently outside the stadium on the way to the game. Four players had their brains removed and eaten.

Africa is known to be a fragile place where several, if not all, countries are on the verge of either international or civil war. Recent troubles in Somalia, Sudan, Kenya, Nigeria, Zimbabwe, Sierra Leone, Congo, Ethiopia and South Africa have shown that Africa is not the place where you would want to risk spending your holidays.

Spokesman for the Confederation of African Football (CAF), Richard Katanga, told

"In the words of that famous black man, Bill Shankly: 'A lot of people say that football is a matter of life and death. It's not. It's more important than that'".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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