Gordon Ramsay To Stop Swearing

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

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Stop swearing, you Fruitcake!

TV swearing expert and presenter of the F-word, Gordon Ramsay, has said in a statement today that he intends to curb his foul language, and concentrate, instead, on being a chef.

Ramsay, 61, is the most-wrinkled man on TV, and has become notorious for his use of the words fuck and fucking, and the really nasty word (according to a recent MORI poll) cunt, but has fallen foul of critics who say that his cooking is suffering as a result.

Even the failed footballer himself has admitted as much. During a broadcast of a show last month, he told how he had prepared a meal that was:

"Fucking awful".

A spokesman for Channel 4, who screen his garbage, said:

"He made a flan that was just plain fucking shite, and a cheesecake that you wouldn't have fed to your fucking dog."

Ramsay says that from now on, he will use the alternative words Fruit, instead of fuck, and Cake in place of cunt.

Rival chef, Jamie Oliver, reacted to the news by saying:

"He's a Fruitcake."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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