Curious George: I am not gay
The Man in the Yellow Hat was in utter shock while appearing before a Minneapolis-St. Paul judge in connection with his pet monkey's behavior in an airport restroom.
Read full storyFormer Attorney General picking lettuce?
Former American top cop, Alberto R. Gonzales, was discovered not to be a US citizen according to research conducted by the Associated Press.
Read full storyNew software detects drawls
An increasing number of businesses today rely on computer voice recognition for navigating their phone directories. First generation software products, unfortunately, could not decipher the language of many rural speakers.
Read full storyCanadian art expected to frighten US
(Dallas, Texas) César Sáez and other Canadian artists plan to launch a 300m-long inflateable banana into space.
Read full storyZac Efron retaliates with Instinct centerfold
San Luis Obispo, California - (Ass Mess): Not to be outdone by Vanessa Hudgens's stunning nude photos that are setting High School Musical appreciation websites aflame, Disney co-star Zac Efron is reported to have accepted a $5 million f...
Read full storyLaura Bush's surgeon says George is a pain in the neck
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Laura Bush's surgeon confirmed what millions of Americans have always suspected, that living with George W Bush 'is a pain in the neck'.
Read full storyNational Weather Service names latest tropical storm after Disney's Vanessa Hudgens' nudity furor
Hatter-Ass, North Carolina - (Ass Mess): Vanessa Hudgens's unashamed nude internet photos have sparked a new storm as NOAA - the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration - directed the US Weather service to name the latest hurricane-cum-tr...
Read full storyBabel Fish Starts World War III
A terrible dispute disrupted negotiations at the UN today after delegates began using Babel fish to translate rather than humans.
Read full storyGorgon Brown offers pregnant women £120 for a right laugh
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown has offered all pregnant women £120 "so they can have a right old laugh" about the handsome British benefits system.
Read full storyHillary probed over Kate Winslet maternity link
Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Wannabe Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton faces some tough questions in the UK alleging she is the mother of Titanic actress Kate Winslet.
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Becomes New Spokesmodel For 'Just For Men'
(Hollywood) - Terrorist and Al Queda leader, Osama Bin Laden, has inked a deal to be the new spokesmodel for the popular hair coloring company, Just For Men.
Read full storyBlair at center of Israeli neo-Nazi gang arrests
Tel Aviv - (Ass Mess): Global arms dealer and Queertet Middle East envoy Tony Blair is at the center of a massive Israeli neo-Nazi gang arrest today after Mossad agents discovered offshore bank accounts linking him to eight suspects accused of carry...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera smells like "dead rats"
Staff at Hollywood KFC took matters into their own hands when they banned "Dirty" wailer Christina Aguilera from the LA eaterie.
Read full storyChris Tucker and Paul Walker Together at last!
"Rush Hour's" Chris Tucker and "The Fast and the Furious" gimp bag Paul "funny walk" Walker are to team up for action comedy "Heidi: 2...
Read full storyJessica Biel poses for Medical Journal
Former "7th Heaven" sweetie, Jessica Biel is posing for "Scalpel", the US Medical Journal.
Read full storyGOP SOS amid FBI, CIA 9/11 sting reports
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): The GOP's Save Our Skins flag is up in DC amid frantic reports that law enforcement agencies are about to commemorate the sixth anniversary of the World Trade Center atrocity with a historic, long-awaited stin...
Read full storyJames Bond circumnavigates the world in teapot
The names Craig. Daniel Craig! The new James Bond has entered the history books by traveling around the world in a small teapot.
Read full storyRepublican candidate Giuliani will "turn back time"
Former New York mayor and Republican bast*ard candidate, Rudolph Giuliani says he wants America to go back to a safer time.
Read full storyLudacris makes gigantic fish head sculpture to aid Arctic sea lions
Rapper Ludacris collected fish heads as a hobby until he stumbled upon a National Geographic TV program about the Arctic sea lion.
Read full storyWaddingtons release Portuguese version of 'Cluedo' called 'Arguido'
The well-known family board game Cluedo has been released in Portugal by Waddingtons. This version will be marketed under the name Arguido and will have some differences from the version played by th...
Read full storyAmerica a Nation of Gangs
Washington (IP) - Our reporter was in Washington this week to attend the White House press conference on gang activity. Bush declared September 11th through 18th as National Gang Week.
Read full storyNFL To Feature Dog Fights At Games
Atlanta, Georgia (IP) - The NFL announced today that football fans will be able to enjoy dog fights during halftime when they attend football games.
Read full storyPolice to get 8 month detention rights under new "alqaeda" law
The British Government has finally found a way to detain terrorist suspects for more than 28 days. They will be named as "alqaedas" or "official suspects" in a new law to be announced by the
Read full storyAl Guido to change name after Portuguese police keep questioning him
A poor Italian sod living in Portugal has decided to change his name after the police keep bothering him. Signor Al Guido, who works for an Italian export company, has: Been interviewed by the police 4 times in a week. Had his house searched. Ha...
Read full storyUS estate agents too fat claims David Cameron
After allegations were made that David Cameron, wide faced leader of the UK Conservative Party, was behind the current economic crash, he has struck back claiming that the real reason was the weight of the American estate agents.
Read full storyIrn Brun found to be a different species
Archaeologists in Scotland have discovered a new subspecies of Homo Sapiens, the Bruniens. it is believed that over ten percent of Scots are of this species and that our beloved leader, Gordon 'Girdn Brun' Brown is one of them.
Read full storyDavid cameron is to blame for economic crash
A report by highly respected slave of Labour, Lord Hutton, has today found that David Cameron is directly responsible for the worlds current economic crisis.
Read full storyIrn Brun intends to control Ireland
Our new Irn Bru Leader, Gordon 'Girdn Brun' Brown, has announced today that in order to stop Ireland sneaking away from the British isles special patrols will be used to hold the country in position.
Read full storyBlair spotted drifting out to sea
The former prime minister Tony Blair was seen drifting out to sea off the coast of Bridlington this afternoon. He was wearing a tattered straw hat and an open necked Hawaiian shirt and sailed off on-board a small platform with a hut on top.
Read full storyMcCanns hire Prince Harry as bodyguard
Kate and Gerry McCann, the British couple whose daughter Madeleine disappeared wile on holiday in Portugal 4 months ago and who have now become official suspects in the investigation, along with a couple of thousand other people, hav...
Read full story"Don't Inhale," Microwave Popcorn Users Are Warned
Popcorn lovers are shocked to learn that their snack of choice may not be as healthy as they had thought.
Read full storyBishop Bonkers Testifies Before UFO Expert Panel
The small seaside community of Bournemouth is still rocking from what dozens of witnesses claim were "mysterious lights" seen over their skies in June of 2007. A team of experts from the British Occult Ley Line Organisation & Xylophonists h...
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