Written by Noshing Mink

Sunday, 9 September 2007

image for Police to get 8 month detention rights under new "alqaeda" law
"Alqaedas" will not be allowed to talk to anyone, so no more phone calls to Jihadist solicitors.

The British Government has finally found a way to detain terrorist suspects for more than 28 days. They will be named as "alqaedas" or "official suspects" in a new law to be announced by the Home Secretary.

Under Portuguese law, an "arguido" is an "official suspect" and isn't allowed to leave his given address for 8 months. He isn't under arrest but can be interviewed as often as the police want and can't talk to others about his case.

Under the proposed British version of this law, the suspect's address will automatically be given as Belmarsh Prison (which will be declared an independent country to prevent its residents from leaving), where he will have to stay for 8 months. He will not be permitted talk to anyone about his case (not that he will have the chance to) and the police will be allowed to interview him as often as they like.

A home office minister said:

"We are simply harmonising UK law with the laws in other European countries. The civil liberties brigade can't criticise us for doing this. For once, European law will bolster our security rather than help terrorists."

A spokeswoman for Liberty said something whingy but we didn't write it down.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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