"Don't Inhale," Microwave Popcorn Users Are Warned

Written by Gail Farrelly

Sunday, 9 September 2007

image for "Don't Inhale," Microwave Popcorn Users Are Warned
Microwave ovens COULD be weapons of mass destruction!

Popcorn lovers are shocked to learn that their snack of choice may not be as healthy as they had thought.

It seems that some workers in microwave popcorn plants have suffered lung damage associated with inhaling the fumes of a chemical used in the manufacturing process. And one consumer, who reportedly popped two or three bags of microwave popcorn a day (and inhaled from the bags) for ten years has also come down with the disease called "popcorn lung."

Popcorn maven Orville Redenbacher, back from the dead to defend his product, had little sympathy for the ailing consumer, calling the man a 'pig.' Redenbacher was quoted as saying, "I mean, come on, two or three bags a day?" Holding a press conference in the snack aisle of a supermarket in New York City, Orville assured popcorn consumers that they'd be fine. "Remember, moderation is the key, just don't make pigs of yourselves," he told the crowds, adding "and for heaven's sake, don't inhale!" He went on to argue that the whole controversy is "much ado about nothing," telling his adoring fans, "I'd bet my bowtie and glasses on it."

Meanwhile, law enforcement officials in several American cities are studying the feasibility of using microwaved popcorn fumes, instead of tear gas, to handle crowd-control confrontations in the future.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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