Cherie caught hacking into McCann cops' files
London - (Ass Mess): UK spooks claim a sting operation to unmask an Opus Dei spying network in Whitehall has caught Cherie Blair trying to hack into Portuguese police files on the McCann case.
Read full storySnoop Doggy Dogg Savages Michael Vick
Police in Atlanta are calling it a brutal and savage attack the likes of which has not been seen in that city for days. Police have charged Snoop Dogg, real name Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr. with felony first degree assault on the person of Vick. The...
Read full storyJustice Secretary Jack Straw to be cloned, plated in titanium and mass-produced as Robot Vigilante
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced the latest addition to his crime-fighting arsenal. It's a titanium-plated, cloned version of Justice Secretary Jack Straw, to be mass produced under the name Robostraw.
Read full story"Little Prick" comment lands Welsh Doctor in trouble
A Welsh doctor got slapped with a lawsuit yesterday after making a seemingly innocuous comment to a sick Asian man.
Read full storyOscar De La Hoya: The next 'Victoria's Secret' supermodel?
Los Angeles, California - Depending on the Photoshop experts you read about last week's release of the compromising photo spread of famous boxer, Oscar De La Hoya, dressed in a lady's black fishnet full body stocking, De La Hoya is a man who...
Read full storyHalf Badger, Half Crocodile revealed to be Not Christina Aquilera
Residents of a quite suburb in Miami FL, have breathed a collective sigh of relief following the announcement by Miami Dade PD that a creature discovered in the florida everglades is not singing windbag Christina Aquilera.
Read full storyGorillas flee Rwanda protectorate as Paris Hilton threatens goodwill visit
Kigali, Rwanda - (Diabolical Ass Mess): Thousands of endangered species list mammals including the fabled Rwandan gorillas are preparing to flee their World Wildlife Fun protectorate sanctuaries following the announcement that pointless peroxide cele...
Read full storyArchaeologists insist pharaohs weren't black or Arab
Cairo, Egypt - (ReUterus): Top pyramidologists in Cairo's Arachaeology Ministry have insisted that none of the pharaohs were black or Arab "and that includes Tutankhamun, Cleopatra and all the other big name tourist attractions."...
Read full storyMcCartney: Ex-Beatle No1 in the wig brigade
Former Beatle Paul McCartney has decided to 'Get Back' his hair by donning an old mop top wig.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan attends sex addicts anonymous meetings in bathroom of drug rehab facility; claim divorce papers of British heiress
Hollywood, California - Lindsay Lohan was named in divorce papers of British heiress, Stephanie Allen, for allegedly breaking up her 3-year long marriage to her husband by having sex with him in the bathroom, while attending rehab at the Cirque Lodge...
Read full storyBrown plagiarised conference speech from Clinton/Gore internet spoof site
Bournemouth Conference Center - (Rip-off Mess): UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown has been outed in plagiarising his keynote Conference address from the same Clinton/Gore Administration internet spoof site that provided Tony Blair with his 'Dodgy Dos...
Read full storyExpect a riot Diana inquest jurors told as leading witnesses gagged by Bush
Royal Courts of Justice, London - (ReUterus): Jurors selected for the Whitehall farce that is masquerading as Diana, Princess of Wales' inquest have been told to brace themselves for the worst as troops formerly deployed in Northern Ireland and t...
Read full storyAsylum seekers hid in Blair's new bullet-proof Hummer
Port of London - (Desperado Mess): Immigration police are probing a people-smuggling racket that found twenty Mexican asylum seekers hiding in ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair's new bullet-proof Hummer as it was being delivered from an American custom...
Read full storyRussian mother gives birth to 15-stone baby which looks like Jade Goody
A mother in Siberia has given birth to a whopping baby girl who rocked the scales at just under 15 stone. To make matters worse, the baby looks just like shamed Celebrity Big Brother bully Jade Goody.
Read full storyPeople's #1 Fear
The #1 fear of people throughout the world has always been public speaking. According to the latest Giddyup Poll, because of stupidity and superstition, the #1 fear of people throughout the world is now the fear of PUBIC speaking. Why anyone would be...
Read full storyRon Paul Fundraising Back to $0
WASHINGTON - Sean Hannity tried to tell us. In a fitting show of irony, the Ron Paul camp today learned that the "Paulites," vehement supporters of Congressman Ron Paul's 2008 Presidential Election campaign and advocate...
Read full storyElton John wins "Bullshit Bard of Britain" award with "Song for Maddie"
Royal Asskisser Sir Elton John has won the coveted "Bullshit Bard of Britain" award with his latest effort, "Song for Maddie". The piano solo is dedicated to toddler Maddi...
Read full storyHave-A-Go-Hero Self Defence Law To Be Extended
Gordon Brown has announced that he plans to extend the law on self-defence, giving hordes of have-a-go-heroes even more confidence to have a go, says a report out today.
Read full storyHillary "Up in Arms" to Win Democrat Nomination
Bald Knob, AR (Gay Blade)- Holding her own has always been one of former First Lady Hillary (Not Rodham Anymore) Clinton's foremost fortes. So much so that she's putting her rough and tough exterior to the ultimate test, in h...
Read full storyFalklands On Red Alert as Labour Turns to Saatchi & Saatchi
LONDON (Grouters) - Saatchi & Saatchi, whose "Labour Isn't Working" slogans and the Falklands War ensured Margaret Thatcher trounced Old Labour in three successive humiliating landslide election victories, will handle New Labour's a...
Read full storyMaddie: Holmes takes the case
It was in the late summer of 2007 as I recall that Mr Sherlock Holmes and I sojourned in the Portuguese resort of Praia Da Luz, that fishing village so burdened by the hopes of a world desperate for news of the missing infant Madeline McCann.
Read full storyKRYPTOS Just a Bunch of Cockamamie Gibberish, Creator Reveals
Langley, Virginia (The Agency Gazette) - Controversial news arrived this week when the creator of KRYPTOS, a large ciphertext work of art located near CIA headquarters, revealed that the cryptic sculpture is just a bunch of gibberish.
Read full storyFly In Soup Taken Off Menu At French Bistro
A French bistro in North London has removed one of the items from its menu after it received several complaints from customers, who ignorantly called it "disgusting".
Read full storyNaked Peeing Buddha Statue Cited for Indecency
Jane, Louisiana (Le Onhyon) - A large peeing statue of Buddha was arrested and charged with public indecency on Wednesday in this small Louisiana hamlet.
Read full storyJack Grimes Announces Candidacy for 2008 Presidential Election
Elkton, Maryland (Presso del Fascio) - United Fascist Union leader Jack Grimes has announced that he will once again run for President of the United States.
Read full storyU.S. Military to give Swastika-Shaped Barracks an Extreme Makeover
SAN DIEGO (Der Spiegel) - Reacting to negative criticism from sensitive internet surfers, the U.S. Navy has decided to add $600K to its 2008 budget to disguise a swastika-shaped building at Naval Amphibious Base Coronado.
Read full storyNew Warning Sign
Everyone knows those weird little people on restroom and crosswalk signs. A newly released design warns bathroom seekers to hurry up, it's a long to the nearest relief.
Read full storyBritney Spears and K-Fed Back Together?
Reliable inside sources say Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are giving peace a chance. Britney has decided life without Kevin Federline is more out of control than life with Kevin. That being the case she is considering getting back with him.
Read full storyPhoto of Ubiquitous Man Used in The Spoof Article at Last
The Ubiquitous unknown Man appearing in 1997 of The Spoof's 2025 gallery photos, has been used in an article at last.
Read full storyWorld Leaders Send Messages of Support to Britain as Chuckle Brothers Celebrate 20 Years on BBC
Today the Chuckle Brothers notched up two decades of 'children's entertainment' despite having outstayed their welcome by 19 years and 364 days.
Read full storyParis Hilton Discovers Cure for Cancer at Home, in Her Spare Time
Geneva - Today Paris Hilton shocked the World Federation of Cancer Researchers by presenting her own research and cure to some of the most complex cancers known to man. Using radioactive isotopes to breed a special fly she discovered in a dive in Tia...
Read full storyUS Air Force leader addresses cyberspace defense at conference
WASHINGTON -- Lt. Gen. Robert Younger Sr., a commander of computers in the US Air Force, explained the threat of computers to other generals who had flown to Washington to discuss air power. Younger used a "Transformers" toy figurine and a...
Read full storyLazic Eye Surgery Goes Horribly Wrong
Santa Monica Calif. A woman decided to have elective laser eye surgery after suffering from poor vision for a number of years. One of her deciding factors was the safety record of the procedure.
Read full storyHillary Clinton has Sex Change
Speculation surrounding the disappearance of Hillary Clinton from the Presidential campaign trail is at a fevor pitch. The Senator from New York has not been seen in California for almost a month and many other States report that it has been even lon...
Read full storyNielsen Ratings to Triple Number of Homes and Announces Application Process
The Neilsen Ratings, television's in house system for determining how many people are watching a particular show, have announced plans for expanding. "We want to triple our family base to get an even more accurate picture of people's te...
Read full storyParis Hilton Jets to Rwanda to Join Flood of Adoptive Parents
Paris Hilton is "leaving on a jet plane" as she heads to the African country of Rwanda. The purpose of the trip? Paris wants to show that she has completed her rehabilitation and recovery. "I also want to help people and, like, everyone is adoptin...
Read full storyToddler Tasered
Dateline - Orwellia. Five year old Andrew Meyer was tasered by police at a recent speech given to an audience at Orwellia University. The speech was given by a former celebrity candidate for the emperorship of Owellia who had dressed for the occasi...
Read full storyWarren Jeffs Guilty, Sentenced To Community Service as Junior High School
Warren Jeffs, leader of a polygamous sect that is a splinter group of the Mormon church, has been found guilty as an accomplice to rape. Jeffs was conviced for pressuring a 14 year old girl to marry, then have sex with, her 19 year old male cousin.
Read full storyElton John Admits To Ownership of Female Child Pornography
Elton John admitted ownership of a photograph of two naked girls that is considered pornographic by British authorities. "It's art!" said the musician when asked about the picture. "It is from the collection by award winning photographer Nan Goldi...
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