A cruise ship has struck a submerged rock and run aground near Juneau, Alaska. All passengers have been safely evacuated and no crew or passengers were injured in the accident. The ship's captain said that he purposefully grounded his ship to keep it from sinking and to save passengers, crew, and many valuable works of art onboard.
One local man, known only as Eric the Gnarly, was running back and forth on the Juneau landings screaming that "The Corrupt Bastards did this! The Corrupt Bastards Club is responsible! Don't give them any bong hits!"
Investigators are concerned about the strange, bearded crazy man as the words "Bong Hits for Princess Cruise Lines" was spray painted on the hull. The grafitti was just above the water line, in the same area as the impact site. The cruise ship is not part of Princess Cruises, but is owned by Majestic America Line, a company out of Seattle, Washington.
A Hollywood photographer on the cruise attempted to capture the evacuation of the ship. Unfortunately, he was bounced and jostled around in the scurry of passengers and photojournalist Buck E. Filbert had only three rolls of shots of women's crotches.
The now famous Corrupt Bastards Club of Alaska was not available for comment. A check with the Securities and Exchanges Commission, however, shows that known members own large amounts of stock in Princess Cruise Lines.