London - (Ass Mess): Marianne Faithfull has told an anal general meeting of the vegetarian society that mars bars are no longer safe for oral sex.
"They've changed the recipie. Now it contains whey, rennet and bits of calves' stomachs.
"As a diligent vegetarian Mars Bars and lesser sized confectionary items like Twix and Snickers are now off limits for me.
"This is disaster for the country's 3 million veggies.
"A vegans' carob version made with lentils, soya beans and hydrogenated diesel has been available in the Ukraine since '69. But have you ever tried it?
"Last time I did I had to spend the rest of the week flossing bits of coco matting out of crevices you wouldn't normally even know existed.
"I also object to the new government health warnings that have been cynically slipped into the barcode warnings: is it really necessary to put Best Before Period xxxx on the new wrappers?"
Faithfull's rant has cut no ice however with confectionary manufacturers who say that her real problem is that she has a sweet tooth and is a sucker for faddish behavior.
"There is also no truth in the rumor that we're planning on selling the new Mars Bars complete with a free condom," said a spokesman.