Congressman William Jefferson Claims Innocence
Congressman, William Jefferson Dem. Louisiana has been indicted Monday on federal charges of money-laundering, racketeering, obstruction of justice, wire fraud and soliciting more than $500,000 in bribes connected with African business deals.
Read full storyPre-Creationist lost civilization found at bottom of Lake Okeechobee
Miami, Florida - (Ass Mess): Archaeologists believe they have found a pre-Creationist era lost civilization at the bottom of Lake Okeechobee after a state-wide Florida drought caused virtually total evaporation of its waters and exposed a massive wea...
Read full storyCapitol Hill uproar at Jefferson's corruption charges
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Latest Corrupt Bastards Club recruit Representative William Jefferson has caused a furor to break out on Capitol Hill after being indicted with 16 federal charges of bribery involving businessmen and foreign officials.
Read full storyParis says 'Big Bertha' to get Nicole Richie
Although reports that Paris Hilton has been photographing herself all day while in prison are true, there's NO truth that she's been promised to 'Big Bertha'.
Read full storyPrehistoric Iceman "Otzi" Murdered
The oldest mummy ever unearthed appears to be the victim of murder. An autopsy reveals that Italy's famed prehistoric iceman "Otzi" died from a shoulder wound inflicted by an arrow. The 5000 year old body was found in the Italian Alps i...
Read full storyGates admits 'Revenge' against cop
Bill Gates has admitted for the first time that he still holds resentment against the traffic policeman that arrested him for speeding. And that was in 1978!...
Read full storyUnemployed Mechanic Jumps Pope
An unemployed mechanic jumped on the Pope's Pope Mobile in an effort to secure the servicing tender. Fourteen Cardinals drew their Glock 33-shot semi-automatics and wrestled the man to the sacred ground.
Read full storyDalai Lama Enlightenments in Perth
The Dalai Lama teleported into Perth, Western Australia yesterday. Swathed in a sheet and with his hands in a frozen clasp, he proceeded to the luxury Burswood Hotel/Casino.
Read full storyNew sub-species of ned found
Today in a run-down Glasgow suburb, a never-seen-before species of ned was discovered.
Read full storyCal-el Can't Afford to Bathe Anymore
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Ripley, West Virginia - Bush Administration officials, in an effort to silence TheSpoof.com reporter, Cal-el, raised water utility rates by 24.9% to all of West Virginia. This comes after a series of articles that Cal Jennings...
Read full storyPutin calls Bush an Imperialist Dictator!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Prague - In a meeting with Russian leadership two days before the "scheduled" meeting in Germany, President Bush addressed the Russian leaders, commenting on their human rights violations.
Read full storyJudge downsizes pants claim to a mere $54 million
Washington - (Bare Ass Mes): District of Columbia Judge Ron L Pearson has downsized his famous $67 million pants compensation suit to a 'far more reasonable $54 million' after taking account extenuous circumstances.
Read full storyRemoval men arrive at Drowning Street
London - (Ass Mess): Two large pantechnicons arrived outside No 10 Drowning Street this morning as police began reposessing personal artefacts belonging to UK Prime Monster Tony Blair and his gargoyle wife Cherie.
Read full storyBailiff tries to reposses Popemobile over unpaid parking tickets
Rome - (Ass Mess): A Rome City bailiff was unsuccessful in his attempt at trying to reposses the Popemobile today following two years of unpaid parking fines and speeding offences in the Via Dolorosa area of the Vatican City.
Read full storyRatzinger apoplectic as God's Banker murder suspects acquitted
Rome - (Ass Mess): According to highly reliable law enforcement sources Pope Joseph Ratzinger is said to be shitting himself today as all five suspects in the God's Banker murder trial were acquitted by a Rome jury that is rumored to have been pa...
Read full storyWomen's Prison first to get Five Star Rating since Paris Hilton checked in!
Lynwood, California - Prisoners and the warden all agree, prison conditions at the Century Regional Detention Facility for women in Lynwood, California, have improved greatly since Paris Hilton checked herself in a couple of days ago. It is rumored t...
Read full storyDjokovic charges into semi
Wimbledon, Wednesday - Novak Djokovic, the sixth seed in this year's French Open men's singles, produced some of the best tennis seen at this year's tournament to see off the brave challenge of Igor Andreev in the quarter finals.
Read full storyCheney Pummels Rove, Pardons Libby
Washington, DC (FP) - Vice President Dick B Cheney has apparently found a loophole in the law that allows a Vice President, in a time of war with the President out of country, to pardon anyone who is convicted of a crime.
Read full storyDr. John Reid Admits To Being Mystery "Hetero Male" Viewer of BBC's "Any Dream Will Do"
LIVERPOOL, UK - 06/06/07. At GayCon UK, the UK's premiere Gay Conference, guest speaker and affirmed "pink-potter" Dr. John Reid today confirmed that he was the mystery "Hetero Male" viewer of BBC's acclaimed pansy singing...
Read full storyTessa Jowell Speaks out on 2012 Olympics Logo
This is an iconic brand that sums up what London 2012 is all about.
Read full storyRichard Branson In Close Encounter of the Third Kind Hot-Air Balloon Panic
Residents in one area of northern England were in shock last night after, what was initially thought to be a 'Close Encounter of the Third Kind' incident.
Read full storyThe Golden Age of British Media
Channel 4 will show still images of Prices Diana's last moments on TV tonight despite request from Prince William and Price Harry for them to refrain.
Read full storyDoctors at Lowest Point Ever
In a report out today, statistics show that Doctors' morale is at it's lowest point since records began in 1554.
Read full storyExxonMobil to buy US Military for $100 Million-trillion
Oil giant ExxonMobil has agreed to purchase the United States Military for $100 Million-trillion in a combined cash and stock purchase.
Read full storyCorporate Bidders to Replace Popular Vote in Congressional Elections
Congress has proposed a novel new program which promises to eliminate the National Debt and save Social Security all in one fell swoop.
Read full storyMothers to name and shame the various fathers of all their children
Single mothers are to be invited to give the go-ahead to the naming and shaming of all the deadbeat no-hoper dads that they let into their knickers for a quickie behind the kebab van on a Friday night and who fail to support their ch...
Read full storyWhaling Committee apologises to Israel after linguistic mix up
The president of the World Whaling Committee has today issued a full apology to the nation of Israel after an 'unfortunate misunderstanding' led to Israel being kicked off the list of WWC member nations.
Read full storyEpileptics Freak At London 2012 Olympic Logo
Epilepsy sufferers have complained to the BBC[/st that the logo for the London 2012 Olympics makes them feel queasy. The logo, which looks like a fragmented pink breakdancer, was chosen from dozens of better designs by Lord Sebastian Coe, himself…
Read full storyRichard Rogers wins Pritzker Prize, sells it online
LOS ANGELES - British architect Richard Rogers has been awarded the 2007 Pritzker Prize, the profession's highest honor. Immediately after winning the award - a $100,000 (US) grant and a bronze medallion - he put it up for sale on a classified a...
Read full storyJohn Prescott Diagnosed With Pneumonia
Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has been placed in a hospital high-dependency ward after it had been diagnosed he is suffering from pneumonia.
Read full storyWikipedia launches takover bid for Encylopaedia Britannica
In a move that is sure to change the future of knowledge transfer, Wikipedia has announced it intends to purchase Encyclopaedia Britannica.
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