It is alleged that former tabloid newspaper editor Piers "The photos were real" Morgan has claimed he is bigger than not only the Beckhams, but also Jesus, Muhammad Ali, Gandhi and Mother Theresa all rolled into one.
"I am worshipped as a God in Hollywood" the 'America's Got Talent' judge apparently added. 'Jesus may have walked on water, but I've sat on my backside ridiculing Americans on TV. Beat that!"
In response to this, avid television addicts all across the Mid-Western USA have publicly burned copies of Piers' collection of bed time stories, the New York Times Bestseller "The Insider: The Private Diaries of a Scandalous Decade". Copies of The Sun, The Daily Mirror and the News of The World were also burned, although it wasn't immediately clear if this had anything to do with Piers' past involvement with the newspapers.
Having a controversial career in media, in which he has publicly fought with many Media personalities and made many silly decisions, Piers was thought to be perfectly suited to judge people who think they're "all that".
"People literally scream at me in the streets. It's mild hysteria. They shout: 'Oh My God, it's Piers'" remarked Piers, apparently blind to the fact the people are running as fast as they can in the opposite direction at the time.
When asked about Piers' comments, Jesus refused to provide a sound bite but muttered something about Americans making fools of themselves without needing Piers to do it for them.
Ian Hislop attempted to say something frightfully witty but sadly unintelligible due to being bent double with laughter.