Expensive lawyer for pampered pooch Paris Hilton, Mike Hunt, said today: "I could have got my client (and new boat) off, if she had just stated in court she was "twaddley-waddley"". Asked what "twaddley-waddley" meant he stated it was "icky-dickie" and "surreptitious".
"Basically, she just had to sing, slightly off key 'Bim-bomb-bay, there's a place called bimb-bom-bay and in this place lives a bimbo in bim-bomb-bay, in a mansion, a bimbo in bim-bomb-bay'". He continued, "However Paris felt that singing - Anything - with a bomb in it was un-American, given particularly the new threat of extra terrestrials that we now all face".
Hilton is doing surprising well according to Hunt, although she is being held in "cramped administrative segregation" because she is a celebrity. The warders have been relocated to tents in the prison grounds.
"We feel like refugees" was a sign held up by one of the guards to a paparazzi up a tree. The guards are only allowed into the administration buildings once a day 'to feed and wash Hilton, and replace her mobile phone batteries'.
"It's not fair.." shouted one guard over the razor wire. "I have to pay for her batteries out of my own pocket".
Her lawyer Mike Hunt has scoffed off the protest saying "She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better. Which women's magazines will pay the most for Her Story, and What Photo's to select. Come on, give the bitch a break."
When questioned by reporters as to whether he should call his client a 'bitch', Hunt said he was taken out-of-context, and meant his four-year-old Doberman bitch. "She's not house trained yet", he is reported as saying. "No, no, Paris is doing a soldier and hanging in there!"